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Does anyone have a Narcissist that is actually a "Good Consistent Parent"?

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#1 Sep 21 - 10PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Does anyone have a Narcissist that is actually a "Good Consistent Parent"?

I'm very curious to know if there is such thing as a good N parent...? Are they consistent with there visitations? I hope my x N doesn't exercise his visitation privileges. I know these people are selfish and everyone has to fit into their schedule. I'm just wondering if they make exceptions for their children.

Sep 22 - 5AM
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

Nope. my ex use to like to

Nope. my ex use to like to fuss at me all the time for keeping our son from him and not letting im see him. when we were together the only time he showed interest in son was during ball season. everything else didnt matter. so now he fusses at me and i tell him to call son (he is 14) and set up time. the funny thing he never does. he never makes it about son. He is sucking son into his world and using him as a source. He lies to sons face and son knows it. so my answer to you is no.
Sep 22 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mine does the same. Told

Mine does the same. Told lawyer I never answer his phone calls when he calls for daughter (whatever!). How does your son feel about his father? Just wondering, since mine is still little (he doesn't live with us). Barbara, do you think that when the children are a certain age, we should tell them about the disorder their parent has so they don't blame themselves and understand why their parent acts so strange?
Sep 22 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

my therapist said you have

my therapist said you have to let them find out for theirself. she said you have to let them learn life skills. right now my therapist isnt surprised that son is sucked into his world. she said eventually he will start doing son they way he does me. oh he has to. the hard part is i have to let son go thru it and learn on his own. therapist said eventually when he does he will look at dad and say im done, ive had enough, and dont come near me ever again. she said that if i try to protect him from him that i run the risk of pushing son away and having him think oh dad is right about mom. right now mine is using son and its sad. my therapist is guessing around college age when kids are more critical of their parents, my therapist friend is guessing high school. basically they said i have to let ex hang himself.
Sep 22 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NanC

maybe when they are 21. Before that NO! It can be considered Parental Alienation and you are NOT a doctor, nor in a position to diagnose. Mine are tweens. I simply validate what they say about dad without running him down. And I tell them I love them EVERY SINGLE DAY no matter what. http://allabouthim.com/co-parenting-with-a-narcissist/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 22 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Okay. (It's so darn hard to

Okay. (It's so darn hard to bite your tongue!) But I know he is still her father and she loves him. N told her he was going to get her a bedroom set and she told me in private, "I'll believe it when I see it. Uhumm, I went there!". I thought that was funny since she just turned 6 and she already knows she can't count on his word! (She was right, two months later, still no bed for her at his place).
Sep 22 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

The only thing you can do is

The only thing you can do is be there to support her. You have to let him hang hisself. oh yes it is very hard. in the end she will know who she can count on. my son may be sucked into his dads world but when his dad has disappointed him, he will make comments. he says this is why i dont want to live with dad. I know dad wont be helping me go to college. stuff like that.
Sep 21 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hell no!

As the child of a NarcMom... every other ACON I know would say the same: HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://parentingwithanarcissist.com/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 21 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

N-moms

Ya, the world revolved around my mom growing up, and my dad just appeased her. In my case, it was a cycle of mostly ignore/occasionally rage. She didn't have periods of suddenly being a super-loving mom. Sure, she was a great housekeeper, fed us, ironed our clothes, etc. She took good care of our basic needs. But that's where it ended. If I had to describe my experience with a mother who had narcissistic tendencies, I would say they are "joy-less" towards their children. They don't soak up the whole parenting experience...I swear my mom just "produced" all of us to keep my dad on the hook. I hate saying this about my own mother, but even she admitted several times that we should have 'stopped' after so & so...each time naming a different kid depending on whatever mood she was in. Imagine being like...8 years old and hearing your mom pretty much saying she wished you weren't born. N parents suck, even if they outwardly appear to be a great parent to others (ehem, my mom), their kids know better.
Sep 21 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
tasha
tasha's picture

same same

The world still evolves around my mother-she has no consideration for anyone else. It's like when I was born I took something away from her. She Always makes me feel burdensome-She has one daughter that she has on a pedistal and me. I used to wish I was never born-because my life was so abusive being her child. I do think she has Narcissistic traits and I do think know because I have a parent that has these traits I have in the past been comfortable with pathogical partners. My ex husband has Narcisstic traits-if not full blown. He has our oldest two sons. 5 years prior to having them-He would only see our children on birthdays and christmas at his moms house. I missed one weekend and didn't call to say I wasn't comming-which is understandable. BUT he took the opportunity to 'put me down' about other things. I now think him having the boys is more about having the chance to get even with me every chance he gets. Like 'narcissistc rage' everytime i talk to him he's pissed off with me or angry.
Sep 22 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Adult Children of Narcissists

here's a support group just for Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONS): http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Adult-ChildrenOFNarcissits/ Look at some of the things they say about their NParents and how many of them go NC! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 22 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
tasha
tasha's picture

thanks barbara

I did go NC-moved overseas even!she followed me claiming she wants to be around her grandchildren! I moved because I could'nt deal with her or with my ex husband at the same time- between the both of them they drove me mad! Now I hardly have contact with either of them-had to redraw boundries-neither of tham are allowed to contact me,unless I intiate contact. But like my ex husband, my mother had a dig at me when she can. And she plays the kids off against each other like she did with me and my sister. I'm so over it. But thanks again for the link.