Does anyone feel that posting keeps you tied to the fake relationship with EX N?

this is a wonderful, thoughtful post and a good one for those out of the relationship for year, years,, I am 2 years out, a little over actually and trying to move on and wonder at times if this board keeps me stuck but I do not feel that way, it is slowly weaning me off my thoughts of him and now I feel it is more like insight and validation that i really already know about. It is sort of like a band of people who have been to Hell and back and that commraderie is comforting, as I have a very weak support system,i think the time will come for us all at our own pace to come on here less and less and I think that is how it should be. I am going out on some dates, nothing of interest, as yet, but getting out and trying to regain my life.It is a life changing experience I think we can all say that and something we will never forget........

I think that for everyone the recovery process is different; however, I think with this particular situation, it was far from normal and how we would react under normal circumstances simply does not apply. There is no timeframe on grieving, and why we delude ourselves into thinking we can just put all our feelings in a box and set a timer is beyond my comprehension although in the depths of pain and despair I remember EVERY night going to bed and my words like a mantra were: God, get this outta me... Truth be told, he's still there but not the same way - but if we lost someone very dear to us, would we not still grieve? Yes, these are disordered individuals, and what we thought was an illusion, but what we felt...REAL, just placed on someone, or something that could not reciprocate...and what we loved was an illusion, a dream, something we created with our minds, we gave him "life" he replicated as he saw fit in order to fill his needs. They don't feel - well they do but only in relation to how it serves them...I think that this whole narcissism thing in some cases is a defense mechanism in them...I think it is based on shame, if we are dealing with someone who suffered extreme abuse or trauma as a child...I can empathize with that - but still know how harmful and dangerous because these Narcs for whatever the basis is in their disorder, it goes WAAAAAY back to where he can't even remember who he is - so how the heck will he be able to relate to anyone - he can't...it is a false self NO ONE can penetrate... So, mourn the dream for as long as it takes because that is what it was, a dream...but keep moving forward into reality. We are and were not the exception - there was no "connection" other than the one we created...but as much as it hurts to accept this, there is a greater lesson to be learned if we are open and we do the work. As much as we so desperately wish we could love them back to wholeness, reality, and fill that void...we have to fill our own - they simply cannot nor ever will be able to attach. They just exist but that does not mean we cannot heal, move forward and still believe in love... Hugs.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4db5AV0JBw

Yes, I feel the same way at times. I've been doing EMDR therapy and my numbers of the trauma identified has come down. I'm also tired of thinking and talking about it at times. It's been 2 yrs but that doesn't mean just because it's been 2 yrs I should be over it. Grief and repairing yourself has no timetable. I do learn new things from coming here. New links to web sites too and that helps keep confirming what I already know. I have not gone to another site where I outed him out now going on 2 weeks. I'm proud of that. I've felt that board was too toxic at times and negative so I've been hanging here. I've also been journaling more. I pray every day for God to take my pain and to seek justice. Vegence is His. I feel that Karma for my exN and his wife (she wasn't nice to her exhusband and took advantage of him too) is going to happen. I know he didn't change internally. he might have married someone 11 months after our breakup. he moved twice already with her and ended up where he tried to get me to move. And he quit teaching once he got married and now struggling to find work doing who knows what. Yeah, Karma is showing up and I do have to accept that I dodged a bullet. I didn't want someone that was already lying to me, cheating on me, and using me from the get-go. I dont deserve it. I am going to try starting this weekend to not come here for a few days to test where my thoughts go. I really want to see if the EMDR, without reliving things here, is doing the job. It feels like it is but, I need to focus on that part of recovery.