Do you remember seeing the mask slip for first time?

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#1 Jul 8 - 7PM
wholeagain
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Do you remember seeing the mask slip for first time?

Or maybe the time where it really hit you that something was really not normal? I say this because in my case the mask probably slipped tons of times over the years but I was oblivious.

The one that haunts me though was a few months before we separated. We'd had a few friends over, everyone was drinking, and via the (uncomfortable) friends I learned he was asking them to try to take my clothes off/seduce me. Why on earth he would have thought I'd be interested in that I have no idea (duh, because it's all about him!)

I was so furious I think I may have literally seen red. When they left I screamed at him like I never have before, wouldn't listen to any narcspeak or crocodile tears, then shut myself in the bathroom to get away from him. Luckily I'd opened a drawer because he slammed the door open and if the drawer hadn't stopped it he would have slammed my head open.

The look on his face...that was it, the mask was fully off. It was a very strange combination of red-faced 3-year-old mid-tantrum and raging homicidal grown man. He looked nothing like I'd ever seen him in all the years we were together. I never, ever want to see that again! Gah!

Jul 9 - 6PM
positivefuture
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i remember clearly

we were camping and had 2 rv's. our friend drove one and he drove the other. he knew i was afraid to drive an rv, especially since we had to go through canyons. a different friend came out for the day and asked if i was driving the other rv back home and i said no way, friend is driving it. he jumped in and said "no, PF, you are driving it." and i said no i'm not!!! after she left the rv he grabbed my arm and got really close to my face and said "if i tell you you have to do something, you have to do it. do you understand me?" it was in a really creepy scary tone. so i just said, sure baby, of course i'll do what you tell me. but let's just pretend i don't have to so i can enjoy the rest of the day today. and he left it alone. and from there....the mask just slipped more and more every day.
Jul 8 - 8PM
Susan32
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It slipped A LOT

What's weird with my ex-Psychopath professor was that he didn't even bother to cultivate a "nice guy" image. I guess being sweet in public and keeping the bullying for behind closed doors would've taken WAY too much effort. He wanted to be the Bad Boy---the philosophical love child of James Dean and Jim Morrison. -Snapping "toughen up" after my grandfather's death. My classmates stepped in (and they did a lot) to tell him to stop being mean. -Glaring at me because I had made his lecture popular. -Yelling at me because I had been "singing his praises" to a fellow professor. -Making snarky remarks about me having to "learn to manage my feelings" by going to a therapist DURING CLASS. Some Narcs/Psychs WANT and TRY to look like the good guy (when they're not)... my ex-Psych didn't even bother. I just assume he's gotten worse, and that his fellow professors avoid him for the most part because he bullies students (especially the female ones) I'm usually an optimist. This time I'm not.
Jul 8 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
hitandrun
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Susan32...that was hilarious

"philosophical love child of James Dean and Jim Morrison" HE WISHED!!!
Jul 9 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
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Except those two are icons...

My ex-P professor was very much into cultivating an image. He thought that wearing a beret made him look smart, he'd wear skinny jeans (this was in the pre-hipster era), his John Lennon glasses. After the D&D, I told him that if he was all into roles and acting, and that since he didn't see himself as a person but as a role (wow, he was a psychopath who was more out of touch with reality than your garden variety narcissist)--he should've taken up acting. I'm tempted to put some passages from one of his essays up here (I know someone here posted her ex-N's looong essay on his American history course, full of pomposity)--it would be a cure for us who have insomnia. I used to think his writing was thrilling. It used to make my heart race, my hormones run. Now I find it boring.
Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
wholeagain
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Susan

I'm tempted to post some of the ex's deep and meaningful musings, because while once they seemed...well, deep and meaningful, now they are very WTF. Okay I can't resist here's two sentences: All I do is openly express what most others feel but are inclined to deny or suppress. I crucify myself to reveal the common connections in humanity and, believe me, in those quiet and private moments people do offer me the smell of their wounds. Like I said...wtf.
Jul 10 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
Lisa E. Scott
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Wholeagain

WTF is right? They are so odd, aren't they? Since we're sharing their strange musings that they feel are so profound and prophetic, here's a poem my EXNH wrote which I believe illustrates his raging narcissism: A Man born with a heroic past, Destined for greatness, Beset by the calamities of the mind. Brawn, steel, power. You see him from afar: His firm, chiseled jaw protrudes into your vision. You cannot take your eyes away: his force attracts. Staring at you, his eyes focused—you cannot escape. You beg for enslavement, torture. Any recognition of your being: you need to feel Alive. His virtues stammer to cessation The eclectic wisdom of tradition. He looks—no smile, no grin, all you see is strength. Ferocity of spirit will conquer you— Do not approach the icy demeanor. His large, monstrous frame, Shoulders larger than the settled earth of a thousand mountains. His body moves, so viral, so potent: Do not get in his way. Sexual, dangerous, mysterious. The might of a hundred Caesars pounces on your soul. You want him to fade subtly into the night, Absent from the approaching day; Yet, you do not want the death of his morning touch. He walks, in a musical melody adorned by the Gods. Each contouring stride of his body warns The world of impending danger, of unbridled hope. People attempt repression; They threat, they bribe, they maneuver their seduction; They fail. He scours his mighty sword On their enslaved and petty existence, Slashing all those who impede his progress. Bowing to none. Questioning all. Higher and higher he goes. Faster. Faster. Moving farther on his own, away from them, Creating a world fashioned after his heart, his strength, Affirming his spirit and omnipotence of self. A place for the cumbersome attachment to fertile emotions. You do not have a chance. Be gone, you herd of aggravated conformity. Der Obermensch has taken his place.
Jul 10 - 4PM (Reply to #18)
ewa
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Wow!

Wow!
Jul 10 - 4PM (Reply to #16)
Susan32
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Sounds like a Narc/Psych

Perfect description, sad to say. Yep, my philosophical ex-P spoke of the "possibility of real wonder" and being in "the hurly-burly of human reality"... when he was REALLY clueless about it. He's the ONLY person I know who drubbed the awesomeness of Yellowstone and called it overrated.
Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #17)
Lisa E. Scott
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Susan32

Wow, he drubbed the awesomeness of Yellowstone and called it overrated. Only a Narcissist is capable of that. Unbelievable!
Jul 10 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
agnesmurphy17
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Obermensch-Superman

Mine once told me that I live at a "lower energy" level than him. He lives at a "higher energy" level. That he felt that I was dragging him down. That I was a "threat to his mental construct." Straight out of Nietzsche--a schizophrenic. Mine saw himself as the Nietzschean Superman. Your's seems to be very influenced by Ayn Rand--another narcissist.
Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Lisa E. Scott
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agnesmurphy

Lower energy?! WTF? What a jerk. If he lives at a higher energy level it's only because he's completely delusional and has his head in the clouds, completely out of touch with reality. Wow. What an idiot. Yes, mine loved Nietzsche and Ayn Rand. He couldn't get enough of them.
Jul 10 - 4PM (Reply to #14)
wholeagain
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AgnesMurphy

I got a lot of that kind of thing too...some version of "you could never understand what it is to be me, because my thinking is light years beyond what yours will ever be. I see the world so clearly, and so profoundly, and it's effortless, it's just who I am." Just threw up a little bit in my mouth. :P
Jul 10 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
wholeagain
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Lisa

O...M...F...G Okay you win the big prize today! Whadda piece of work. I wish I could show some of the artwork the ex created. I call it the It's All About Him series.
Jul 10 - 1PM (Reply to #12)
Lisa E. Scott
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I know, right?!

Isn't he something else?! Would love to see the artwork your EX created. I love the title! :)
Jul 9 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
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And that's why I watch reality TV

"Top Chef" and "HGTV Design Star" are DEEPER than those musings. Wow... that "smell of their wounds" is creepy. Is that narcissistic, or psychopathic? Okay, here goes: In thinking that he has grasped the "essence of language" (what Wittgenstein calls a "non-spatial, non-temporal phantasm") he has disengaged himself from the very thing that does in fact give meaning to language, namely, the hurly-burly that is human activity. What the Investigations aims to do is to lead the philosopher (whether in Wittgenstein or ourselves) back to that reality in which language has meaning... This bringing back words to their everyday use involves looking in detail at the ways in which words are used. The activity of the Investigations, like the activity of the Confessions, is an activity in which one struggles to remain within the reality of human life despite the temptation to run up "against the limits of language",a reality in which there is yet the possibility of real wonder. How many times is "in which" used??? WTF.... Very repetitious. Yeah, this once was "full of awesome" for me... and now it's EPIC FAIL.
Jul 10 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
wholeagain
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That's bestseller material

there! "Full of awesome" lol! I have no idea what he said. My eyes glazed over at "the hurly burly that is human activity."
Jul 10 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
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A whole lot of nothing

I'm going to say something surprising here--my narcissistic former boss was a lot more human&easy to talk to than my psychopathic former professor. For one thing, my former boss had a REAL sense of humor. He could communicate. He was oblivious, he could put on an act--but he wasn't on another planet. My ex-P professor showed that psychopaths have an odd relationship with language itself. Psychopaths are so disconnected from their fellow humans, communication is difficult--they have wiring problems in the brain not unlike autism sufferers (such as the lack of mirror neurons for empathy) With human language, context,emotion and empathy are important. For example, one can ask, "Where are you?" in a querying tone of voice, or "WHERE ARE YOU?" in an angry tone. Language is fundamental to the human experience... and for psychopaths, we humans ARE the aliens. During the D&D, my ex-P had one stock phrase to avoid apologizing, "You were inappropriate." No matter what, he gave the SAME response--exemplifying Einstein's definition of insanity. I remember telling my ex-P he used the phrase "in which" waaay too much. He didn't like that.
Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
wholeagain
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Yeah

openly express what most others feel but are inclined to deny or suppress. Oh, like maybe, their raging narcissism?
Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Lisa E. Scott
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Wholeagain

"Openly express what most others feel but are inclined to deny or suppress. Oh, like maybe, their raging narcissism?" Exactly!!!!