Do you feel like everyone around you is a narcissist in some shape or form?
Do you feel like everyone around you is a narcissist in some shape or form?
Since returning from overseas after a 6 week break from reality I felt like I had finally moved forward. During this time away I have realised that I am now able to make decisions, have direction and feel strength now that the narcissist is no longer in my life.
I had the complete inability to make simple decisions for myself when I was with him, I would consult him constantly and doubt myself, it was like I had to seek his approval first.
Since I have been gone I have felt independent enough to navigate my way around strange countries, foreign languages and in difficult situations that are normally encountered when travelling.
I came back two days ago feeling confident, happy and encouraged. Since I have been back I have realised that everyone wants to put me back in the victim box and morph into my old persona.
I caught up with a friend yesterday who works with my ex Narc and has always encouraged me to leave him. She seemed a bit unhappy that I was feeling so positive and a little bit miffed. She carried on about the fact that if he changed would I get back with him, and whether I would ever consider it.
For the first time I answered without hesitation....Hell fucking NO!!!!
She replied "that's really sad, and looked miserable."
WTF???? We have been broken up for almost 5 months (God, has it been that long....)
and she comes out with this now?
I felt like saying, "I don't feel sad, so don't."
I walked away at the end of the meeting and felt sad...like I should feel sad...like people want me to be sad. I thought to myself, haven't I been sad long enough? For the past 5 years spent with him I have been lost and sad. Haven't I suffered enough?
Then another friend called me, and instead of asking about my trip she lunged straight into how I was feeling, as though I had just returned from a therapy retreat. The tone she used was almost patronising.
To top it off my brother, own flesh and blood who I normally have a great relationship with....unleashed fury on me out of nowhere, talking down to me....word for word like the ex Narc did. "What are you doing with your life", "you need to get your shit together", "you shouldn't just turn down work because he works at that school (I just turned down a 3 week contract at his work place and in effect $3,000 which I desperately need), "you're being irresponsible, shouldn't you be focusing on getting a job." (I have been back all of 2 days and it is the weekend here)
"You party too much, you're not young anymore and need to get serious about life." (I have been serious and stressed about life for far to long and haven't had fun in ages.)
He went ballistic...I fell to my knees like I did so many times in the same scenario with the Narc and sobbed, excused myself for my weaknesses, and blamed myself for my existance being a hindrance to someone else.
It was as though he had envoked the spirit of the Narc, his words cut like a knife, and I felt like the abused girl I once was.
I thought to myself screw this I'm going out to try and have fun and regain the great feeling I had a few hours earlier. During that time a friend texted out of the blue. "Hey are you ok?" Not "Hi how was your holiday?".....then I said back "I'm good how are you?" She wrote back "You don't sound convincing and to call her tomorrow."
So my question is, WTF is wrong with people?
I never knew that the people in my life wanted me to remain sad and helpless. It is like walking back in to someone else's world and looking at everyone with a new pair of eyes.
I now realise it wasn't just the Narc who allowed me to maintain a victim mind set, but the people who I thought loved and cared for me, in fact supported it. They don't want me to move forward and change, because that would mean I'm not the go to girl anymore when their life is crap, so that they can compare it to my misery and make themselves feel better.
I'm no longer the weak girl, the sad girl.......why can't they be happy for me. Instead I feel like I am being treated like a threat. Like my behaviour is somehow strange and abnormal and that I should feel like shit for the rest of my life.
I now relaise it is not only my Narc who abused me and made me feel helpless and incapable but those nearest and dearest to me.
It is such a hard thing to face, but I feel like for the first time in my life I can see clearly. I just never imagined I would see this.
Roles We Play
It is a puzzle... not an easy one...
Puzzle
Nemesis
Hi Puzzle
IF YOU ARE GETTING ABUSED BY
My dear fellow victim...my
So sorry...