Do you ever feel this way?

After 70 days of proper nc I feel a lot better. More confident, happier…taking the necessary distance has helped me see things with a clear eye. Most of the times I don’t doubt myself. But sometimes I wonder if I dreamed about the whole thing. Like did he really say or do that then? Was he really disordered? And then I say of course he was why do you keep wondering? I remember his apathy and cruelty and I become enraged. Will this feeling ever go away? It was more intense during the first days of NC to tell you the truth…but, will I continue to doubt myself from time to time?