do you ever feel like they are trying to tell you what they are?

35 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 11 - 6PM

positivefuture

do you ever feel like they are trying to tell you what they are?

i am curious about this, because the last few months (i have been nc for only 8 days), he would mention the word narcissist in EVERY conversation we had; and the last time i visited him, he was tickling his son while i was standing there because the son wanted to stay with me while he went and ran errands, and he said to the son "don't ever let an object come between us." then he cxorrected himself and said "i mean don't ever let a chick come between us." he is never accidental, always deliberate, so i was wondering if he was trying to tell me he is npd.

or....he might have spyware on my computer (home) and phone and see i am always on this forum, and trying to see if i was going to call him on it...like if i was reading the forum because of him, or a past relationship.

oh...and if anyone knows how to detect spyware on a computer, let me know :)

#2 Nov 15 - 7PM

helldweller

What they are

Yep. "Honey, in order for me to understand how you feel I would have to have a heart."

#3 Nov 15 - 7PM

positivefuture

yay natasha!!!

your post are so enthralling, and interesting. i love to read your posts!! and here is to our happy ending as was for natasha :)

#4 Nov 15 - 6PM

Susan32

"Go to your Pierre"

The ex-Psych professor was a major "War and Peace" fanboy. He identified to an amazing extent with Prince Andrei Bolkonsky, the narcissist (yes, there are online essays about Prince Andrei's narcissism, so it's a literary way of understanding NPD) He'd quote Andrei, with "Why are you so happy?" (it's what Andrei says when he sees the lively, happy, beautiful Natasha) Andrei is coldly cruel&bitter towards his wife Lisa, driving her to her death (he also mocks her faith) In one intro to the Oxford World's Classics translation, the writer says that Natasha's rejection of Andrei-she ends the engagement (Andrei&Natasha get engaged after Lisa dies in childbirth)- is a "just and severe mercy" in punishment for Andrei's loveless abuse of his wife. The writer says that this is further validated when Natasha goes on to a happy marriage with Pierre after Andrei dies. The ex-P would compare himself to Andrei and say things like "If you fall for a narcissist, you end up with a psychopath" because that's what happens to Natasha. During her engagement to the Narc Andrei, she's seduced by the psychopathic Anatole, who's already married (but she doesn't know it) and tries to take advantage of her. The ex-P would say things my freshman year like "Go to your Pierre." Because Pierre is the decent, empathetic, HUMAN man. Andrei goes to his deathbed THEORETICALLY understanding love and empathy, but not living it. Even on his deathbed, Andrei is cold&callous towards those who love him. Andrei has a moment of enlightenment about divine Love in Austerlitz... but he fails to LIVE it. He's still a Narc, commanding people cruelly, being controlling... even when he's dying. Yeah, the ex-P would compare me to Natasha... And Natasha got the Happily Ever After! ;)

#5 Nov 12 - 5PM

phoebe

Yes from the very beginning too!

Said people thought he was a snake. Says he hates & then loves himself. He's a selfish bastard. Said the only reason he stays with me, is because I'm the only one who puts up with him. He actually said "Don't let me change you." OMG why the hell didn't I listen? 12 yrs later..I finally get it. Anyways we are seperated & will be divorcing shortly.

#6 Nov 12 - 12PM

positivefuture

mine never said anything bad about himself

only ONCE, in 28 years did he say i can be an asshole. other than that he just told me how great he was and how great he treated me. how messed up all of us women are. he is perfect in his eyes. but he would drop little clues like i said above....don't let an object come between us (him and his son about me, the object LOL). he'd say the word narcissist in almost every conversation, not about himself, about one of his friends or one of my friends. but regardless, he won't ever have enough introspect and/or the ability to change. not sure who mentioned the peace of mind about getting my computer reset; spyware removed. but YOU ARE SOOOOO RIGHT. going to do that this weekend. already changed the locks on my door because he's made a few threats pre NC.

#7 Nov 12 - 9AM

Steph

oh yeah

"I can be a real asshole" "i'm selfish" " i think something is wrong with me" " i'm damaged goods" "i'm a f%ck up" "i don't do well in relationships" "i worry i'll turn out like my mother" etc. etc. I shoulda listened!!!!!

#8 Nov 12 - 9AM (Reply to #27)

jen79

oh yes

and the best: "What if you come here and I am suddely bad and evil" hahahaha, I think thats the best I ever heard from him.

#9 Nov 12 - 5PM (Reply to #29)

Susan32

The "suddenly bad and evil"

The ex-Psych professor used THAT SAME LINE. Since the ex-P hardly ever used quotes that were from HIM....your ex-N should get on him for copyright infringement. That's plagiarism. The ex-P did the "what if I'm suddenly bad and evil?" The ex-P also did the "if you fall in love with a narcissist, you'll end up with a psychopath." He used "War and Peace" to illustrate it, of course. Princess Natasha gets engaged to the narcissistic Prince Andrei. He emotionally abuses her, he deprives her of the "love of life." She ends up falling for Prince Anatole. Turns out Anatole is trying to trick her into bigamy (Natasha finds out he's already married),and he tries to take advantage of her. In the movie version with Audrey Hepburn, Natasha flees Anatole,and finds herself looking into mirrors.... she sees HERSELF... isn't that how we've ended up here? The ex-P even said "I struggle with my narcissism." Yes, I dodged a bullet, because he didn't even pass muster for casual dating! I was dating a grad student and we'd watch movies on his couch... the ex-P and I didn't even go THAT far... I survived.

#10 Nov 12 - 9AM (Reply to #28)

Steph

lol

that's classic!

#11 Nov 12 - 8AM

jen79

Oh yes

He told me in person everything I needed to know about him BIG time, that he screwed up relationships, that he sabotages everything that is good. that he made every woman crazy, that he cannpt perform sex when he has feelings, that he doesnt like babies, that he is all time about I want this I want that without thinking any further, that he is an dry alsoholic who didnt heal from being an alcoholic, that he is stupid, that he is crazy, that he is pushing women away to protect them from himself. And about text he ranted at me by projection, you are mental, you are crazy, you always go back and forth, you are instable, you are erratic...you are an addict, you are a victim. If someone tell you who they are, believe them.

#12 Nov 12 - 8AM (Reply to #20)

blueeyes

Jen79

From one mental, crazy, indecisive, unstable, erratic freak to another, believe me, I heard it all.. Just this morning actually, he said, "Your insane and you should not be around children."

#13 Nov 12 - 2PM (Reply to #23)

Briseis

Here here. I was a

Here here. I was a borderline personality, a grifting pathetic single mother who just needed a "man" to support me (I made twice his income and owned a home in So Cal free and clear), depressed (I was eventually), bipolar, embarassing, probably a lesbian and dyssocial freak. Oh, and people talked about me and it was NOT good :D He told me I "ruined" my children. He even cried when he said it!! I believed him and cried too!! And then he gave me the most disgusted, contemptuous glare and walked out of the room. OK, I take it back (what I said to HLS on her post). I hate him and hope his dick shrivels up so much it makes a dent in his ass!!! Now back to your regularly scheduled programming :D

#14 Nov 12 - 6PM (Reply to #25)

Susan32

For Blueeyes and Briseis

Heard all of those before... sad to say. When I went NC and focused on my teacher education program, I was accused of being "dangerous to children." I had no room for recourse. I was dropped out of the program over the phone instead of in person, then commanded "be professional, DON'T TELL ANYONE." Now, it was one of my professors at UNM who told me that... not the ex-Psych professor, but I think he was behind it because he had written my letter of recommendation. I had been in the program for a month, only to be unceremoniously discarded. But I maintained NC... I was waaay too angry to talk to the ex-P. It was stunned, angry silence. So I went back to Oregon... eventually got a successful teaching job. Yes, I got the same "dangerous to children" accusation. As for Blueeyes and Briseis, like the BOTH of you, the ex-Psych professor accused me of being a lesbian because I disagreed with him. When he spoke of me as a lesbian, his eyes lit up. It became a joke that his Ideal Woman was a lesbian. Very strange, the OW, the LA girlfriend he eventually married and had kids with... she struck my classmates and I as a lesbian. Between her tank tops and pants suits, she made me feel like Barbie... LOL... My former Narc coworker,a morbidly obese man, has a wife who works at a coffee shop, and she struck people as a lesbian. Her coffee shop is known for its lesbian baristas. Do I see a pattern here? Why do Ns/Ps accuse women of being lesbians, and seem to end up married to them? WTH?

#15 Nov 12 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

positivefuture

LOL!

that's too funny! i hope his dick shrivels up and makes a dent in his ass. ha ha ha!!! i always picture mine with his shriveled up, and his ass IS already dented, so there ya go :) but i heard way too much about WHO I AM from him. needy, scary, intimidating, a bad homemaker, insecure, thinks the world revolves around me, wishy-washy, and i have an attitude problem that he needs to teach me how to get rid of. i too was told people probably think i am a lesbian, my body is not hard enough, my teeth look fake, on and on and on. dumb dented ass shriveled dick men!

#16 Nov 12 - 9AM (Reply to #22)

mystwoman

What a turd! My xnh told me

What a turd! My xnh told me that I don't have any "maternal instincts". Spoken by someone with a serious personality disorder, and swinging d*ck hanging between his legs. Xnh wouldn't know a maternal instinct if came up and bit him on the butt.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#17 Nov 12 - 8AM (Reply to #21)

jen79

blueeyes

what a son of a bitch! I come more and more to the conclusion, that the OW is my guaedian angel for real, like Briseis said it...she truely is.

#18 Nov 12 - 8AM (Reply to #19)

jen79

and a woman called

him 10 times on his voicemail, crying, why he didnt pick up, and he just said, she calls me 10 times crying, she has 4 kids, i am not interested in that. Well but you had sex with her, didnt you? this alone should have made me run like the devil.

#19 Nov 12 - 3AM

Disillusionedx2

yes, they may drop clues but you won't figure it out until....

IT'S TOO LATE! N-"I don't know how you put up with me, I can't even put up with me" (RF) missed of course. N-"I'm unique, special" Me-"OMG, what is wrong with you? you are(cut me off) N-" an alien"? N-"I'm a hard person to love huh"? But, make no mistake, just because they have that lil insight they will never accept who/what they really are, TRAIN WRECKS! stay~striving

stay~strong

#20 Nov 12 - 1AM

Amazed

Definitely Here is another one

ExN used to tell me repeatedly "I am going to take you on a rought ride" "I am dangerous" "Welcome to my dungeon" "I am your anchor" "Not everyone sees the world like you do" "I don't care for her anymore than I do a coat rack" "I have an addictive personality" "People call me vain" He used to lie to me, all the time, you would never know it. Does he have more than one pair of socks, he has more than one woman if they are that cheating type. He was living with and almost engaged to another woman for over 3 years, the entire time we were going out. I never knew. Hard to detect, he would text me all the time, must have been from her house when she was sleeping. He had other woman going on even besides two full blown full time "relationships" These guys do not have relationships. They are only using you to get somewhere. They do not connect to others at all. They are evil, dangerous, on the same scale as murderers. They have no feeling. Please stay away from them.

#21 Nov 12 - 1AM

Amazed

Yes, they know exactly who they are, and let on

Yes, they know exactly who they are and indeed let on to others that they are "different". When he said object, he meant object, it was his coy way of saying 'I am dangerous, enter at your own risk" or they might even say those very words to you, it is usually out of context, yet right in context for them. My exN used to say things all the time, that left me saying, what? This is part of their brainwashing, manipulation. When he told his son this, he will indeed treat you like an object, with no feeling, no care. These guys are dangerous, and I am not kidding. Stay away, don't wait and cling to them to hear any more about their disorder, and how they plan to hurt you.

#22 Nov 12 - 2PM (Reply to #15)

ShaynasMommy

yes,

"it is usually out of context, yet right in context for them." They say those things at the precise right moment where you will miss it so that they can justify in their own pea brains what they do because "at least they tried to warn you."

#23 Nov 12 - 1AM (Reply to #13)

Mariline

Mine put on my pc three

Mine put on my pc three spywares, he knew everything. Go to a pc assistance center and have your pc checked. It will take a couple of hours of work, but it is a priceless way to get your privacy back. You are in danger if you have spywares.

#24 Nov 12 - 6PM (Reply to #14)

positivefuture

yes yes yes

i am going this weekend. he put spyware on my phone twoce already. he's broken into my house. and i am certain something is on my computer. he may have even put a bug in my house because he knows things he couldn't know unless he heard me in my home, when he was not there....i haven't been on my home computer for a month now because i feel like he's there. they are so sick!

#25 Nov 11 - 11PM

broken23

Yes, not directly saying he

Yes, not directly saying he is a N...but so many times he said odd things like "i dont know what love is" "im selfish" "maybe i dont have a conciseness " i dont know why i didnt see these as huge red flags...but back then it kind of envoked sympathy in me...the need to convince him he is a good person just misunderstood. only if i knew what i now know

#26 Nov 12 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

ShaynasMommy

abd believe me

they know all of that.

#27 Nov 11 - 9PM

hopefuljms

OH YES!! In my last

OH YES!! In my last conversation with the Narc he told me that he was the defective one. And truer words were never spoken!!!

#28 Nov 11 - 9PM

Briseis

Positivefuture

Right from the beginning, my exNarc tried to tell me who and what he was. It slipped out, was said casually, or even accidentally. Maybe once or twice I got the impression he was deliberately informing me. That was only in the beginning, though. By about year two (and there were seven years of this) he was the King and could do no wrong.

#29 Nov 12 - 3AM (Reply to #8)

blueeyes

Baby bird killer?

I'm with Briseis. He told me all the time who he was from the first date. He would tell me in the middle of a dance floor in the beginning. I just didn't hear him or know what the hell he was saying. Get this, once, he said, "babe, there is really something wrong with me, you know I used to kill birds when I was a child." I SHIT YOU NOT! I thought he was joking!!! Email me, I can tell you about spyware.

#30 Nov 11 - 9PM

almostlydia

I think he was always trying

I think he was always trying to tell me what he was, thru projection and other things- in order to make it acceptable to me and get my approval. Of course, every time I reconciled with him, he had his approval. almostlydia

almostlydia

#31 Nov 11 - 7PM

onwithmylife

He knew something maybe Wrong but not what it was..

like when his brother was dying and he flew out and I picked him up after his brother had died and he returned home, he said to me, his brother's daughters and wife were crying their heads and eyes off and he said he felt nothing and did not even cry, and he said, something must be wrong with me and let it go at that. Then another time, he said to me when i went to get something out of his overstuffed freezer, I must be nuts. Slight glimpses but NO awareness or as to how he treated me so horribly..............

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