Do they finally get too old for new supply?

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#1 Aug 5 - 2PM
Jazzman1
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Do they finally get too old for new supply?

Does a narcissist finally get too old to locate new supply (OW)? I've read that they need primary supply sources (promotions, awards, degrees, political office, etc.) and secondary supply sources (women). When they retire and primary sources evaporate, do they still troll for women or do they finally accept they are stuck with their last victim?

Aug 6 - 1AM
frances
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the N's parents

Curious to how many met the N's parents? I'd be interested to hear impressions to see if any sort of patterns comes across. I met the father once as he lives in a different country. Had the chance last summer to stay for a week at their home. Wow what an eye opener as the N had really painted them as total opposites. Said he grew up with a VERY dominant father, one whose emotions couldn't be trusted. One minute happy and the next yelling and screaming with no warning to gauge what to expect next. The center of attention, a real force to reckon with. I was shocked to discover they are just alike in every way: walk, talk, appearance, mannerisms....ERRY. Certainly didn't have the awareness I do now about the N and his crazymaking....but his words weren't matching actions or reality and red flags bells ringing. See my N didn't yell, scream of lose emotional control but did it in covert ways achieving the same effect of his outwardly abusive father. Now his step mother had me almost in tears. Talk about opposites...she was totally opposite of her husband, Passive, unhappy women. It was as if I could taste her sadness, defeat...and remember thinking that will be me in 25 years! On the flip side his birth mother lives in the states. I met her very early on and she thinks her son is king kong for sure. A red flag went off immediately upon interacting with her. We had been to dinner and I asked the N...what does your Mom think of me? " She likes you...pretty, sweet, but told me to be careful with you because your loyal and in it for the long haul." I can remember my head spinning from that comment because where I live these are the qualities mothers look for in a daughter in law! Looking back now I bet she NEVER even said such a thing. My hunch is it was his covert way of letting me know NO LONG TERM with me hunny....but just had to put me down and abuse me in the process. He really had me believing that loyalty and long term was a bad thing...the expectations of it anyway. Gosh just typing this and making that connection...so glad he's long gone from my life.
Aug 6 - 12AM
Susan32
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Not when it comes to teaching

A teacher ALWAYS has an audience. So, why pursue girlfriends/ boyfriends (tho they can be fun for the N/P to toy with for awhile) when one can always count on NEW supply every autumn? My ex-Psychopath professor can count on having students look up to him as a role model, authority figure, and then treat their admiration with contempt. He'll condescend to his female students, and then have a circle of younger male disciples who'll hang onto his every word. Why have eHarmony, Facebook, and Match.com when there's a steady supply of students?
Aug 6 - 12AM
naivenomore
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Never too old, IMO

Mine is 58 and went on match.com the day after he left. So, I think not. If they didn't have a woman in their life to distract them in some way, they'd have to be with themselves and we all know what that was like for us with them!
Aug 6 - 12AM (Reply to #15)
loveofmylife
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58

This never ceases to amaze me....I had no idea that this subculture existed of guys at these ages that are still on the prowl! Can't even comprehend it... So how are your guys looks? What do women find appealing about him....and how many women do you think he's dating each month?
Aug 6 - 9AM (Reply to #17)
betty2020
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Whats even more amazing is

Whats even more amazing is there is never a shortage of supply for them to sink their fangs into!!! Mine is the ugliest son of a bitch on the planet and his last catch that he moved in with him a month after i left is a hot mess. I just dont know how they do it. It has to be all that false charm. Its certainly not looks on my end.... only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 6 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
Amy
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hmmm.... Just met a 56 yr old

At least I think he is 56 from what someone else told me. I thought he was younger. Met him at a pool party last weekend. Great conversationalist - we talked about books we liked, what we both do for a living, etc. Planning to have dinner next week. Now I am worried about age! LOL! Well, I am 36 and worried about that anyway. This guy is attractive. My ex N was fat, balding, big nose, bad teeth. Not kidding!
Aug 5 - 11PM
girlfriday
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I don't think they ever stop

I don't think they ever stop trying. Mine is getting much worse with age...almost 47. He even admitted that it's "alarming." He is aware of his crap. There are always women out there looking for someone who will pay lots of attention to them. And the N's are so good at the act, that age just doesn't matter.
Aug 6 - 12AM (Reply to #12)
loveofmylife
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girlfriday

How is yours getting worse. .... Do you mean his shopping for Barbies is increasing? What changes have you seen?
Aug 6 - 1AM (Reply to #13)
girlfriday
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loveofmylife

His deceitfulness is getting worse. His trickery. His conning. When we met (online) he was just two weeks away from moving in with his girlfriend across the country for the entire summer. I had NO CLUE he was living with someone the whole time he was masterfully courting me long-distance. He assured me there was "ZERO PUSS." Meanwhile, he was sending me photos of himself constantly from his phone. Guess who was taking all those photos that he would turn around and send to me...Yes. The gf. Right under her nose the entire summer. That sort of thing. He told me he likes to see how much he can get away with. It's a power trip. And it's only getting worse with age. The targets are women, so NO, he is not outgrowing his desire for supply.
Aug 5 - 5PM
ShaynasMommy
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Hey,

That also makes me wonder... If in fact there were absolutely NO way for an N to get more supply... Would he seriously kill himself? I mean, supply is their oxygen, food, water. I could just se an N's head explode or something. I'm kinda sorta trying to be funny, but its also a legitimate question, I think. thoughts?
Aug 5 - 5PM
ShaynasMommy
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Hmmmmm....

Maybe not too old, because there's all kinds of supply, and they can just modify their game a little. But too fat and ugly.....yeah definitely that. That's my Ex N. Makes me shudder. You would have to be seriously desperate to go for that. He reminds me of Jabba the Hut. Only Jabba had money and people feared him. I'm such a Star Wars geek. Eventually everything comes 'round to SW (LOL!)
Aug 5 - 4PM
betty2020
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Without supply the perish.

Without supply the perish. The will continue. There will always be someone to feed on in this world unfortunately...uggg only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 5 - 3PM
Aliveagain
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Good question, I've wondered

Good question, I've wondered this also, however I had read somewhere that psychopaths tapered off their evil activities during their 50's and as I'm sure you're all aware, criminality in general declines with age. I wonder if this is the same for a classic N. I also wonder too though what the difference between an abuser (of any kind) and a narcissist is. IMO my ex was a N/P and the weapon he wielded was his brilliant mind and with that, his ability to manipulate. Even though I knew what he was doing I was fiercely attracted to him (must be the excess testosterone that is mentioned that they have! haha) to ignore these things and think that I would not internalise them by failing to apply any meaning to his bizarre ways. Nice in theory however over time his BS sept into my psyche and I did internalise the awful things he said about me. I knew on a logical level it wasn't true but my emotions had taken over and somehow I came to believe it. All very bizzare but we all know how that story goes! Anyway...haha off on a tangent, I only stayed with him for 6 months as I could see the cycle I was locked into so I never saw the full extent of his sickness though saw enough to know I should get the F out of there before it escalated into physical assault (which to be honest I think I would have welcomed at one stage as it would have been PROOF and validation whereas the mental and verbal abuse was largely seen as impossible - given what a 'great catch' he supposedly was and of course he denied, minimised it, turned it around)...although I think he is a P as he was so calculated and VERY aware of what he was doing and on occasion would admit to as much - which somewhat differs to the typical perception of an N (in that they cannot see themselves at fault) - I do think well maybe he was "just" an abuser - though I do not mean that in the reduced sense the word "just" conveys by any stretch of the imagination. I guess in a roundabout way my question here is are all abusers mentally ill? Because I don't see how they could be "normal" without having some kind of personality disorder - N/P/whatever..and what's the distinguishing factor between being abusive and being N/P and considering there are men that are rehabilitated (though few) and stop being abusive it does make you wonder whether perhaps some of these men are "just" abusers rather than unchangeable N/P. Not that I think ANY woman should stick around and help them through it - otherwise you're only enabling them. I also thought it strange that my P would acknowledge his fkd-upness from time to time yet its most often thought that they're unaware. I never knew if his confessions were just to make me feel nurturing towards him or because he really had "enormous issues with control, jealousy and possession" that he really wanted to fix that he didn't know how to. ...what do you guys think?
Aug 5 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
MelloMix
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Bancroft's view...

Aliveagain – In his book ‘Why Does He Do That?’, Lundy Bancroft estimates only approx 10% of abusive men are mentally disordered. He believes their enormous sense of entitlement which brings control and dominance with it, is the leading cause of abuse. This sense of entitlement can be firmly rooted from boyhood via a whole spectrum of sources including social conditioning, family conditioning, cultural and religeous beliefs, media messaging, porn, gender specific nuturing (i.e. You’re a boy – go out and play football. You’re a girl – stay in and learn to cook.) Re NPD, he states the main clues would be; a. His severe self-centeredness carries over into situations that don’t involve you. b. He seems to relate everthing back to himself. c. He is outraged at criticism, being incapable of believing he is anything other than kind and generous. When all’s said and done, an abuser is an abuser. In answer to the question ‘Do they get too old to fish for supply.’ I would say NEVER. Mine is 59 and is still trawling for his daily fix of praise, attention and hero-worship. MelloMix
Aug 5 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
Aliveagain
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Interesting. I think this is

Interesting. I think this is where the whole issue of mental health really comes into question to though doesn't it..because a LOT of it is based on having a,b & c behaviours exhibited BUT the degree to which one has them and then is diagnosed could vary wildly from psychologist to psychologist, its not a defined science you could say, its so opinion based - hence the belief that only 10% of them are mentally disordered doesn't really gel with me because even if they are of the belief that they are entitled - to the degree that a normal person doesn't - surely that says something of their mental stability if you will. Its not like there are any real diagnostics. (Though I would LOVE to get my exP under a brain scan - as apparently P's show up as having different brain functioning when presented with differing stimuli by contrast to a normal person). Anyway, just my personal opinion. Good call "hero-worship"...the first day I met my exP he said "Oh XXX came up to me and was all like XXX can you help me please"..."So I went in there and was her hero and she came up to me and said 'Oh xxx you're my hero'"...this apparently from a woman in her mid thirties? Likely mate. Jesus, reign it in. :P Or perhaps this will make another funny story: "All the girls in the office want me, they said XXX which one of us do you want? You can have any of us, take your pick" Planet-nutbar, that's where he lives! haha. :)
Aug 5 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
Aliveagain
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But do you know what's even

But do you know what's even scarier? Men are being trained to behave like this - check out "PUA videos" on Youtube. You'll die. Half the stuff my P did was from these videos. Which again left me thinking "Is he 'just' a PUA P-ars*hole" or is he a good guy trying to find his way in this crazy world and has he been burnt so bad that this is all a charade to cover his deep need for love and so he's gone for a methodical PUA 'method of seduction' which was actually more repulsive rather than just be who he really is.
Aug 5 - 2PM
Used
Used's picture

jazzman1

my father married his last wife when he was 64, she was vunrable, and her parents were younger than me, he divorced her after 5 years b/c quote, she gets on my f;;king nerves. he them moved to the south , near me, where i spent his remaining years visiting him and so on,when he died, my exnh sorted his, bringing home to me to read, letters to other people[woman] slating me off in all of them, more letter to youngwoman and cheque stubs, where he was giving them all money, paying there rent, buying them shopping. my ex seemed to think it was so amusing to show me all this paperwork, still exh dead in my head, father is dead pschyciclly. i didnt shed one tear over either of them. so i guess in answer to your question, i dont think they ever stop, if they have something to bargain with,[in his case money.
Aug 5 - 2PM
helldweller
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their last victim?

I can't imagine my narc ever being too old to troll for it. He is a wreck right now and out every night so . . .
Aug 5 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
M
M's picture

too old

Mine is 46 & still trolling the bar scence every night. He is broke, lives with another 40+ guy. I do not envy his next victim...if he finds one.