The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



do they ever regret ditching you?

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Oct 24 - 6PM
indenial
indenial's picture

i agree

They only miss us as supply and they don't miss us as ordinary humans would but remember they have huge fragile egos and surely at least we must, even if only temporarily, dent their huge egos. We've been good consistent supply for however long and we've constantly helped keep that ego afloat by falling for their bullshit and returning time and time again. So when the time comes as with many of us it has, when we finally go nc whether they do the dumping or we do and they then make a hoover attempt which we reject then they must feel a blow to their ego and some disbelief that we dare reject them. I know my exn holds a grudge and struggles to let go and is so easily slighted by someone not paying him the respect he thinks he deserves, so whatever even if he's quickly replaced me with new or in his case ithink old supply, he will be seething and reeling and feeling less than special. He had me in his web for so long I don't think he quite expected that I'd just walk away wthout a trace of emotion. Like he meant nothing to me. That's why he's tried to wound me back but even that I've ignored. When I think of it in those terms it gives me a little satisfaction. I've caused him so many injuries throughout this relationship with my rebelious nature and fuck you attitude. Its driven him in sane and that was before I even knew what he was ! I didn't do it intentionally I just wasn't prepared to compromise my life. He did eventually wear down that spirit in me but in the end I did get it back a bit and that's how I walked away with dignity. Its not fully back yet and I've become not as fiesty as I was but that's because I just got tired and bored of it in the end. I do think he created an element of narcissism in me in order for me to survive. It will leave me agin though as soon as I feel safe and completly free of him
Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #44)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

indenial, your story as

Oct 26 - 11AM (Reply to #43)
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

Missing

yeah in the end when I laughed everytime he asked if I missed him, I think he got the hint that I was on to him. When you come to grips with who they are they really are comically pathetic.
Oct 24 - 8PM (Reply to #41)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

I was good supply(yuk). He

I was good supply(yuk). He stayed with me for 20 years, cheating behind my back but never finding better supply (yuk again!) I have never really talked about my final D&D here, but the story goes. He come to me and told me he was going to move out and support me and the kids. He was going to go to therapy and try to be a better man. I told him I couldnt afford the house by myself (meaning I was moving out) he thought I meant I wanted him to stay. He ask me if we could both stay there, split the bills and date other people. At that moment I knew he wasnt moving out to get therapy and make himself a better man. On the days leading up to my move out, he chased me around talking about how he wouldnt date no one that would come between him and me/kids. Told me a story about a guy we knew who left his wife for younger woman (his OW was younger). Wanted us to stay good friends (now I know I was gonna be a backup). He sneared as he saw me in agony (which I WILL NEVER forget). Wasn't but about a week after I moved out and the OW surfaced at our home. He had sent my son off with a friend, but my son and friend poppped back in and caught him. Plus, phone records can really tell a story. Needless to say OW didnt leave her man. Then I became a classy lady, one of a kind and everything he ever wanted. Nevermind, the whole time OW was trying to make her decision between her man and my man, I was trashed to anyone who would listen. I have remained the saint since she made her decision to stay with her man. lol He tries to hoover, but my children and his sister stop him in his tracks. It's ok now tho. If he were to directly hoover, I'd give him a narc injury he would never recover from. There is nothing he could say to me to affect me. He no longer has any power over me (lots of hard work on me) I know who he is and I accept it. Yes, they do regret losing good supply until they find someone as good as you to replace you. The exnarc will have a hard time finding someone like me. I was young and got knocked up by him (lame excuse I know). He is not nearly as attractive now that he is single. lol Plus, his immature ways scream. I was just trauma bonded to this asshole. Thanks for letting me tell this. That is my story and I am a survivor!!! If you were good supply(meaning let him have his way) you will be missed. Am I proud I was good supply for 20 years, no way. I would have much rather been a bitch that butted heads with him and he hated now.
Jul 11 - 11AM (Reply to #42)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

i'm blown away by your

Oct 24 - 4PM
darling.girl
darling.girl's picture

The don't miss us. They miss supply.

Given quickly how my narc went from being sure wanted to marry me to cutting off almost all contact. No! They don't miss us. If they miss anything, it's the supply. He had to have someone lined up already when he ditched me, because it happened literally all of a sudden.
Jul 14 - 8PM (Reply to #36)
transcend
transcend's picture

someone lined up

Transcend

Jul 14 - 9PM (Reply to #37)
Calalily
Calalily's picture

abandoned

Jul 15 - 8AM (Reply to #38)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Money

Jul 15 - 9AM (Reply to #39)
Calalily
Calalily's picture

Money

Oct 24 - 2PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

All I know is that ...

After the many D&Ds I experienced down the years, I now realise that he always had someone in the wings ready and waiting to take his mind off whatever. They were always being cultivated long before whatever occurred. This time round I D&D him because I was more aware but it is still not easy to come to terms with being with someone who lied, cheated and tried to pull the wool over my eyes for their own benefit. BUT knowing what I know now will make me stronger to resist whatever he has planned for the future. Stay strong and just keep hold of the fact that we are worth better than they showed us. Dee x
Jun 26 - 11AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

They miss certain supply

They miss certain supply sources I think. They can be fond of people just like anyone else. They like some peoples supply better than others. So my answer would be yes and no. Some they do and some they dont. If they miss your supply its not a good thing. It means that you have very very weak boundaries if any.
Oct 26 - 11AM (Reply to #32)
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

gettinbetter

that is a great answer honey. They are 'fond' of some supply more than others. But always remember 'fond' in an ego stroking way that benefits them.
Oct 26 - 4PM (Reply to #33)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes. I know he was "fond" of

Yes. I know he was "fond" of me. Not only did I make him look good but I constantly fed his ego. While he loved the fact that I got lots of attention from other guys, he also hated it at the same time. It gave him a huge amount of anxiety. One of the first things he said to me after 15 years NC. "You always had tons of guys on your heels and I just couldnt compete" I worshipped him.
Jun 26 - 2AM
ewa
ewa's picture

I think the worst we can do

I think the worst we can do is to think about them and care what they think. If he will disappear from your life this is the best what can happen to you. There is a great life after we forget them, trust me. I never thought i could care less whether he will contact me or not. Once you will get strong you it wont be important and even if he tries you will ignore him. I know is hard to stop analyzing it, but at least try is for your own good :) Is better to start working on yourself and prepare yourself so you are ready and strong enough in case he attempted the contact.
Jun 25 - 9AM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

They NEVER regret ditching you...

My understanding is and after all my researching, reading, and educating myself is that... NO they NEVER regret ditching you. We, you and I, must realize that these people LACK EMPATHY. Therefore they do not have the ability to cmprehend things in life that we do. They devalue and discard us without ever looking back at it twice. Just because they come back later down the road doesn't mean they regret or miss... they simply just ran out of supply and came back because we used to give it. They don't miss anything. I like to call them robots... they don't know why they do or say certain things (i miss you, i love you, i want you) it's something they saw or heard on TV and simply repeat it... but they don't FULLY understand what those things mean. Good luck!
Jun 25 - 9AM (Reply to #18)
Used
Used's picture

I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH

I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH THIS...AFTER 20MNTHS NC [I DUMPED HIM] HE HAS STILL NOT GIVEN UP TRYING TO GET ME BACK...WHATEVER REASON HE WANTS ME BACK FOR..I BOUGHT A GOOD FRIENDSHIP TO THE PLATE...THAT IS STILL REGRET...HE IS NOT SHORT OF SUPPLY...AND STILL HE WONT GIVE UP..SO THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN CONFUSING FOR ME...I ONCE SAID TO HIM IN THE BEGINING...AFTER HE HAD OFFENDED ME...YOU WILL REGRET THAT AND HE SAID YES BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WILL REGRET IT IN 5YEARS TIME...I SAID WHATS 5 YEARS GOT TO DO WITH IT....IT LASTED 4MORE AND I DUMPED HIM FOR GOOD.
Jun 25 - 11AM (Reply to #19)
FINALLYFREE2BME
FINALLYFREE2BME's picture

IMHO

In my humble opinion, on top of the other reasons stated, I think the N may feel a pull to get a partner back (who dumped them) so THEY can do the dumping. They may not even realize this consciously. They might even think they really want you back (the universal "you", not "you" personally) because they were not through with you and can't have you. Once they have you then it's a matter of time before it all starts again....
Oct 25 - 1AM (Reply to #29)
Amiee
Amiee's picture

I TOTALLY AGREE

When a N is dumped you hurt his ego. It hurts everyone's ego when they get dumped but I think it hurts a N the most because you have hit his fear, his insecurity, and "how dare you!" They just want you back so they can inflict the pain and have the upper hand. It is just a game.
Oct 24 - 1PM (Reply to #26)
badjer
badjer's picture

This is EXACTLY what my

This is EXACTLY what my mother said about my ex. He couldn't believe or bear the fact that I went NC for 5 months and the agony of being rejected meant that he mistook his desire for his own closure for love. We met up (after his little welding attempts to get my attention again) where he was saying "we were 90% amazing" and "it was my silent torment" "I missed you so much…" blah blah blah. I was wary and didn't go gushing and rushing back in and - guess what? - by Date 2 the whole tenor had changed and it was all negative. 10 days later, he ended it by VM. My mother is convinced he planned it all along just so he could right the balance for HIM and do the final dumping. As she put it, "you were worth it.". Great. Worth being sucked back in just so he could fuck me over. It still stings and makes me mad because I still feel trashed and used and abused but I know I am happier out of it than in it, so the rage I feel is just hurt that he devalued me so much and played me so well. They have inordinate patience when it comes to revenge…. I don't think he loved me. maybe he did. But I don't think they KNOW how to love. They know how to control and subjugate to bend people to their will, but that is not love. and when they can't do that any more……off they go. It is twisted.
Oct 24 - 3PM (Reply to #28)
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Badjer

Each time you go back it is quicker and worse, I mistook it that he missed me, god, thinking back, he had NS when he first started to D&D me, I was living with him, well it backfired cause he was wooing her and she had no idea about me and when I caught them, she took off and wanted nothing to do with him. Didn't know what NPD was at the time. I took him back 2 months later on a trial basis, that lasted another 7 months and I left him again. Hoovering attempts worse and worse, he couldn't handle being discarded so he was planning revenge for a very long time......I will be glad to say he never got his revenge, he tried but I blocked and went NC and the first sign of his old behavior. oh but yes he tried again and again.....he won't be trying anymore...he tried to get the best of me but I let him have it where it hurt the most : ) I don't think I will be getting any more hoover attempts now.
Oct 24 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You know, long before I knew

You know, long before I knew anything about NPD the true nature of that sickness...the xN's idea was to get separate places...when I told him I wanted more than that, meaning, I wanted separate LIVES (in other words, buh bye asshole)...he changed his tune to...I want us to still date each other, still be a couple. I declined and began making arrangements to leave him for good. I knew right then and there that suggestion he made about still seeing each other was his way of setting me up to dump me without having to deal with the fallout...we were living together...it's more traumatic emotionally for both parties when they have to split an entire house and life spent together there than to merely blow someone off who's living elsewhere... He wanted to take the easiest possible way out, with ZERO regard for me..or even any intention of continuing on in a relationship...I knew it, I declined and made it my mission for the next two months while I lingered in that house as long as I possibly could, to make his life absolute hell on earth. Mission accomplished! :D
Jun 26 - 10AM (Reply to #24)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I agree 100%. Xnh would only

I agree 100%. Xnh would only take me back so that he could dump when HE wanted, and when it was under his control. Everything with xnh is a competition, and he's always "keeping score". He is angry to this day that he came home after cheating for the final D&D. However, it was ME that threw him out of the house that night (he says "for NO reason". lol). He wanted to dump me, screw around with OW, AND live in my house for a while so that he could shove it into my face and mooch at the same time. This is exactly what he did to his first ex-wife (including he threw her out of her own bed and made her sleep on the couch while he did all of this - asshole). In addition, xnh is very angry that I went NC, and will not have anything to do with him. He keeps telling people that he just can't understand WHY I won't "friends" with him. Maybe because he's a narcissistic, abusive, lying, cheating sack of shit, and those particular features are not on my list of what I consider to be the traits of a "friend"? rofl. The only reason xnh would want me back into his life would be to suck me for some more NS, and then to dump me in the most cruel way he could possibly think of while HE was in control. It won't happen. I'm NC and it's permanent with him for the rest of my life. As for xnh ever regretting that he dumped me as a person...no, he won't. He may regret not sucking off me for NS when his sources are low, but he doesn't regret ditching me as a person. I'm just another toaster is his life that didn't function up to his unrealistic, illusive narc specifications. I'm now on the trash heap just like all the other toasters he's abused for not behaving how he wanted. However, at this point, I'd rather be in the dumpster than in his life. At least it's peaceful here. I climbing out into a better life on my own terms. I know what xnh is truly is like now, and where I stand to him. The best part is that xnh is NOT anywhere around me. I'm rid of him, and free to move onto a happier future :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Oct 24 - 9PM (Reply to #25)
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Okay, do you want to know

Okay, do you want to know just how sick, controlling and generally f*cked up the xN was? He could remember the dates (as in calendar dates)...when I last performed sexually for him. Oh and sex had to be orchestrated...it couldn't be spontaneous...E-VER. I felt like I was at the gynecologist's office, THAT is how clinical and contrived it all was. I won't get graphic, but it was not exactly the kind of stuff that makes you walk around thinking..."I can't wait to have him again"...it was more like..."shit, better do something before he starts whining about his sore prostate". I used to schedule it on the days I cleaned the toilets.
Jun 25 - 1PM (Reply to #21)
ValiditySeeker
ValiditySeeker's picture

Finally Free

Yes, yes, yes! This. It's like they have a mental score card. You leaving them adds point to your side. They want you back to dump you (more harshly than you did to them) and then achieving points for themselves. All a game. All about winning. Whatever it takes to even the score if not outscore you, their opponent.
Oct 24 - 1PM (Reply to #22)
badjer
badjer's picture

I completely agree. Again,

I completely agree. Again, my mother read him like a sheet of glass and she said "he would love nothing better than to get you back just do dump you in spectacular fashion and even the score." Because that is what it is about - keeping score, being ion control, winning, winning the argument, the whole damn thing. Then when the game gets too dangerous for them or they feel they have won 100%, they are off. It makes me sick and red with anger but I have to let that go……I know I am worth one thousand of him…..I come from a good family, he is trash made good……I own m own home, I have a wealthy family, I am ambitious…..he can go take a running jump off a short bridge. I pray that I never, ever see him again and if I do, I will just smile an ambiguous smile and walk in the other direction. Bitterness is not good and means he has won……so…….let it go. xxxx
Oct 24 - 2PM (Reply to #23)
peanutbutterfrogs
peanutbutterfrogs's picture

Sometimes the best way

to win the game is not to play. Your mom's words are dead on, and I hope you don't ever give him that chance. Cause if they crush you once, twice, then each time is going to be more devestating than the last. It is almost as if they fine tune the art of destruction.
Jun 25 - 11AM (Reply to #20)
Used
Used's picture

finallyfree2bme

this is a good point...but he would have to be very quick about it... i planned what i was going to do to him...so i went back[after his ow told me about them] all sweetness and light and forgivness.. i then d/d him 3 times then then 4th time...i done it for good...he kept screaming you have f;;king used me[how many of us have said that to them]you have used me...i said you dont own me you dont control me..i never went back....and dont plan to, but thankyou for your reply.
Jun 25 - 8AM
deecbee
deecbee's picture

Nope!!! Not possible. Any

Nope!!! Not possible. Any sign of them "missing" you is just them needing something from you at that moment, be it someone to talk to (or talk AT, I should say), or a favor. The N saw I was giving away backstage passes to a music festival in his area on my FB, and he texted me (after weeks of silence) "So Im not even free ticket friends with you now?" I laughed and replied, "Nope, that would involve you being my actual friend and not just when it suits your agenda." He said- "Oh, its fine, I was mostly just 'busting your chops'" Can you believe the nerve of this guy? They are shameless and only use people as objects to suit a particular need. THAT'S IT. You are there to do favors for him and if he has to pretend to care to get what he wants from you, he will.
Mar 7 - 11AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

There is a famous true story

There is a famous true story movie about a con man who dates a woman, talks her into liquidating her assets, and joining him in a hotel in a major Texas city for their new life together. She had her mother with her and waited for hours in the hotel lobby and he never showed up. She realized that she had wired all of her money to him after selling her antique store and had literally put she and her elderly mother on the street penniless. She got a Private Investigator to help her and they tracked down the narcissist to a city where he was working on another victim. She followed him from his motel to a nearby Mall and confronted him. He had no idea who she was? That is how little investment narcissists have in other people. Carolyn