do they ever miss their safety supply

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#1 Apr 5 - 4AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

do they ever miss their safety supply

as the wife of twenty five years, i often wonder if they have the capability to even think about the one they left while they are in the throws of another relationship, i often wonder do they miss their safety supply, or his new supply gives him all he needs to forget i ever existed. i know the first time he lived with her he played his game, txt coming by, telling me he missed me loved me and couldnt live without me in his life. but this time seems different, i dont think he misses me at all, maybe cause the couple of times he did text i responded with the letter K, and that was all. i wonder, does being indifferent to him 96percent of the time, make him angry, bitter, or happy he doesnt have to deal with a crying wife. i tried so hard to be indifferent and ignore his existence, but then i got nasty about something, it just came out nasty and i apologized, not for saying it, for the way i said it, i dont want nasty, because nasty means i care, i want indifference, but i also want him to miss what he had, im assuming they dont have the capability to miss anyone? can someone tell me what they think

Apr 6 - 3AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

i realized the only time he misses what i was good for

i realized the only time he misses, not me, what i was good for is when i discard him, refuse to talk to him, and his life isnt so happy, well, right now, hes back in the honeymoon period, hes happy as a lamb over there, the shopping has already begun, the dinners, the major supply of steroids, etc........he will never miss me, the human being, he will at some point, miss the doormat, because as much as a doormat as she is, she also has way more to offer financially, and that makes his life much easier. i guess i have to come to terms with the fact that unlike last time he lived with her, he wont pretend he misses me and wants to come home. this time i think hes there for the long haul.....it makes me sick that he treated me so cruelly and now hes making her dreams come true. trust me, hes playing her knight in shining armor right now, and who knows maybe he will continue that for life. oh ps. he even defended her yesterday, hes never really done that to my face, not as blatant as yesterday.......boy hes loving that honeymoon.

Jaycee

Apr 6 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
momoya
momoya's picture

Jaycee

One of the things that I am glad I withheld from the Narc was the amount of my inheritance from my grandparents. I had already been told to not disclose that to anyone - anyone - and it's in savings and I pretend it's not there. However, not long after the N dissapearance I realized this would of been enough motivation for him to stay with me, continue the lies and the whole game , just because he wanted access to that money. I really believe it is a strong motivator for the N's - after all they want every single thing they can't get from us without actually giving us anything - except a really good ACT. best to you!

momoya

Apr 6 - 4AM (Reply to #10)
Emily90
Emily90's picture

jaycee

He is "playing" her knight in shining armour now....but thank God you know now that he is actually a knight in shining tin foil...she dont know that yet but she will because once a narc always a narc...I actually feel for the woman when her bank account and life is drained she will surely see the damage. I dont know the guy but from what i know of narcs they are not in anything for the long haul...well i guess that can depend too....the long haul could mean as long as it takes to drain her bank account. You are quite right, they love you the most when you leave them or refuse to talk to them...weird creatures these narcs. You are so much further ahead because if she has been with him before....her eventual D&D is going to be worse this time around.
Apr 6 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

"shining tin foil" lol

"shining tin foil" lol
Apr 5 - 8AM
momoya
momoya's picture

Here's a little story

While the EXN was cheating on his wife with me and had his (2nd) OW on the side - he was giving his wife the silent treatment. He is in the military so I guess it was easy for him to go out of town for a few weeks and lie to her about where he was going. During this time his wife was heart broken and beside herseld. Keep in mind that he would never communicate with her and was not having sex with her. She was a blonde at that time. He told me that they had divorced and he hated her her and he was making plans with me waaay tooo fast. During this visit with me his wife decided to change her hair color to brunette. That is all it took to get his interest back to her. She changed her looks completely. She became something other that what she was and it worked. She was willing to do anything to get her husband back. So did he miss his safety supply? not until she changed completely to attract him again. And he when came home again to his wife, and they lived together in fantasy land for about a month before he went right back to his old pattern and found a younger OW. And went right back to giving her the silence again. When it all came out -REAL TRUTH- his lies were outrageous but what was also outrageous he that he never had to answer for his behavior and actions. He packed his things and told her to fuck off and went after her best friend ...and got her too. He wanted to take everything from her, including her money and friends, until she was utterly alone and useless to him. He destroyed her once again.

momoya

Apr 5 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
dudette
dudette's picture

wow

momoya What a story! but then, they are capable of just about anything....
Apr 5 - 8AM
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Everybody is correct! They

Everybody is correct! They don't miss YOU, beautiful, wonderful jaycee... They miss what beautiful, wonderful jaycee did for them....because we are all replaceable in their eyes. All of us. Me, you, OW...everyone. Some just have longer shelf lives than others. That is the only difference. Nobody is better or worse..just 'new' or 'different'.
Apr 5 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
Hearts544
Hearts544's picture

i agree, that is exactly what

i agree, that is exactly what my ex-narc was like- i was "plenty good enough" and he still would never give an explaination as to why he couldnt be with me. i knew in my guts though he had just moved on to different supply.
Apr 5 - 4AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

What he misses. . .

Your N misses particular 'uses' he had for you which the NW does not fulfill. I met the woman who replaced me. She did not cook or do his laundry. In fact, she was not at all interested in housekeeping. N missed me in that he missed his chef; he missed coming home late grumbling that he was too busy for dinner with his wife; he missed rushing in & sitting down to find a lovely plate of hot food placed in front of him. (With her he was the one preparing the meals. When I moved out of there the freezer was stuffed with frozen meals.) He missed his laundry woman who sorted, washed, folded, and ironed his laundry. (Apparently he was doing her laundry sometimes & doing his own always.) You see, he thought she had money. But, she didn't. (He made assumptions which were inaccurate about her finances prremised upon inherited objects & a house.) When he found out she had even less than I had; was even less willing to share what she had with him; and was not going to provide domestic comforts--he hoovered me while living with her. Their end was spectacular. He bacame physically violent with her in less than 10 months of a relationship. With me the physical violence started after 2 1/2 years. Also, they had their first physically abusive episode 3 1/2 months into the relationship. But, they reconciled & she moved into the house at the 4 month mark of their relationship. So, the fact that you N & NW reconciled after the police were phoned does not mean much of anything. Some woman are in denial, accept abuse, think they can change him . . . whatever ever. I know all about it . . . I ignored too many red flags myself. Ns only miss something that you have which they want & the NW does not have. And he may leave you completely this time never to return because he has extracted the maximum from you that there is to extract. Ns often leave once they have virtually destroyed the woman & she is a dull, drab, depressed, & defeated shell of a human being. That is, they toss her aside with about much concern as thowing a squeezed lemon half into the trash. I hope that, maybe this time, it will be different for you. That you are no longer there & no longer listening to your N.
Apr 5 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

This is so true AM17!

This is so true AM17!
Apr 5 - 4AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Jaycee with a narc normal

Jaycee with a narc normal rules just done aply . the problem with them is they can very easily emotionaly detach themselves at a blink of an eye . Right , a normal man with healthy emotions wouldnt cut himslef off emotionaly and phsyicaly after 25 years of marrage , it just dosnt work like that , even if that man had fallen out of love with his wife there would be a deep fondness for her and a willing to make life as comfortable as possible for her and his child ... there isnt open hostility and violence , twoing and throwing between two women and not caring a jot how either one is feeling .This is how we know with youre husband we are dealing with one who is deeply emotionaly dissordered , and what you are feeling right now are exsactly how you would feel when you have been exposed to someone that menaly ill .... You know that feeling of wanting him back WILL go in time . xxx
Apr 5 - 4AM
dudette
dudette's picture

the supply, not the woman

don't go back to La la land!!!! You are very vulnerable to magical thinking right now....