Do they cycle faster or worse as they get older?

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#1 May 6 - 4PM
SoaperGirl
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Do they cycle faster or worse as they get older?

Just wondering about narcs (I'm master of the obvious you see.)

As narcs get older, do they go through their narc cycle faster or slower with each woman or treat the women worse or better? Has anyone noticed any pattern in this regard?

May 7 - 4AM
carol24
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Mine got progressively worse.

After mine split up with me I had some contact with the 2 ex-girlfriends that came before me and it was apparent that he was getting progressively worse. He had hurt the 2nd girlfriend more than the 1st and he had hurt me more than he had the 2nd one. We all agreed that he was horrible. Each relationship that he had would last longer and involve more "commitment" than the one before, but also, each break-up was more painful for the woman than the one before. I have recently heard that he has been living with a woman for one year now (a record to my knowlege) but there is no doubt in my mind that she will not be happy with him.
May 7 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
dabussard
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cycles

Mine N was married, don't know for how long, they divorced when there daughter was 3, So, I'd say 4 or 5 years. I know he split a marriage up prior to mine... They lasted 7 or 8 months...I lasted 6 months, he kept telling me towards the end that "they usually only last 2 or 3 months and I can't believe you're still here". I knew the end was near. His best friend told me in the very beginning that he would not keep me around very long. Mine N is 37 and he has already started the hermit phase. He would rather sit in his house alone than have company. I think he will change his mind, once he no longer has mommy to do everything for him. She does everything for him (and she does not live with him either) SHe feeds and water his cattle and dogs, cleans his house, runs all errends for him in town and cooks and delivers his supper each evening. Once she is gone, I think he will pick a mate because he can't take care of himself.. I do believe that his mother created him and now she is stuck with him. lol.
May 7 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
SoaperGirl
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That was fascinating

Thank you for your story. Made me think of my own narc often staying alone at night sacking out on his couch. (don't know how it's going with the OW, but I know she lives in another state like I do just that she's a lot closer at 250 miles vs 2,000 my way. It's a lot closer, but I don't think he'll be energetic enough to drive it often. Plus the more time elapses, it's like the honeymoon phase will expire (probably already has at 2 months), and time for the abuse to begin. Of course, she could always drive herself, and may very likely does despite an ongong business in her home. If I remember right though, these narc beasts tend to be territorial, and resent the partner invading their space. Fascinating subject.
May 7 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
ifinallygotit
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territorial

Mine hated me invading his "man cave" - he wanted his privacy more than he wanted me. he hated me dropping by to say hi even after 10 years...treated me like I had really violated him...but then when he wanted me, it was a different story, purred like a kitten - sweet.
May 7 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
dabussard
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territorial

Ifinallygotit, You are so right. Mine was territorial too. If I came over unannounced, he would not hardly talk to me and acted very weird. Definitely made me feel not welcome. But, boy, if he wanted me there it would be a whole different story. Sweet as pie, i just didn't know the pie was laced with POISON... LOL... Seems these guys are all the same.
May 7 - 1AM
dudette
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from what Exwife has said

my N's cycle has got shorter.....I would not know really in detail as I ask for no further info but OW has been in touch with her because of his behaviour and they have spent only two weeks together max in a live-in situation.... otherwise they are long-distance I tihnk N just does not know how to live with s/o anymore.... sad but hey... his loss....
May 6 - 8PM
Caligirl
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I'm going to agree with Ifinallygotit

On this. I think it depends on how good they look and feel as they age. My ExN was 42, but he always said he felt like he was in his 20's. He was average looking, but he had an attractive body. He was always bragging about the size of his penis, and he was very sexual. So, unless he gets ED, I think he would cycle faster (his dad got it, so totally possible). He used to say he took care of his penis so this wouldn't happen. He acts like he is God's gift to women. My friend said, "He is a gift no one wants." LOL. Anyway, he had 3 marriages and they are getting shorter. First was 13 years, but they had kids. Second was around 4-5 years. Third was about 1 year. I was with him for a year, but partly long distance. He talks about woman in very disrespecting and objectifying terms, so I think he will cycle faster. He will not put up with as much, and just move on. He used to say he ran his last two ex's off, so I am sure he says the same about me.
May 6 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Deidre40
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I laughed...''a gift no one

I laughed...''a gift no one wants.'' haha! Funny. Yeah...if I look at his track record...first wife, was like 7 years...second...6 years...third wife, one year...fourth wife...I think he said 4 years. Me, 3 months. Yep...cycle is shortening up! lol He got married first, at 17. I know he will marry again. He's obsessed with the idea of marriage. Probably because his parents have been together for so long, and he yearns for that type of thing. But, his mom is old school, dotes on his dad...dad, who knows. He never talked much about him. But, he seemed to be a mama's boy, so. Unless he meets a chick who wants to take over his mom's role...he'll keep sifting through women like he has been.
May 6 - 6PM
ifinallygotit
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good question

Mine is a stud in his 50's so I bet he will be going strong in his 70's. He is really a man's man and just likes women around for sex and boosting his image - not as true companions, he gets that from the brethren. I think now that he is employed and getting his ego boosted by being a hero in the city he returned to, he will cast women aside faster if they displease him, but I really don't know. He seems very proud of his new bar lady GF so maybe I am wrong. But I think the more secure he gets with rebuilding his old image and basking in his fake self, the less inclined he would be to put up with a woman's needs after the honeymoon stage. I don't think he feels old yet. I think when they feel old and not sexy they maybe do stick it out with whoever they are with since there is no way to run a "respectable" game anymore in the streets or they go hermit. Who is going to go for that when they are limping and old and fat (unless they are rich)? Mine has exta Narc good fortune by being very sexy, sweet and with the status from the past that makes hoards of women think he is a hot catch. They do not know he is broke, owes tons of child support and is a life long crazy Narc. Some of my friends say maybe he will marry the next GF after his 10 years with me, but I know him better. He does NOT want the responsibility of someone else - just the fun times - fair weather friend. I would be very surprised if he made a big commitment. I think the fast or slowness of the D and D may be more related to how they feel about themselves unless they are really old - but I do wonder these things too. I have an old triple ex Narc BF who seems to have settled down after his early 50's. He is too tired after work to go out and cheat on his GF but he does not love her - he likes the convenience and stable home and that she is uneducated and looks up to him...he just fantasizes now about what he wished he were doing...he also ended up broke but he is much smarter and can analyze his mistakes and feels bad about the stupid things he did. Not so much that he hurt other people and his children but that he hurt his own chances of a nice healthy lifestyle...so I think it can go either way based on circumstances...
May 6 - 5PM
onwithmylife
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I think some of

them may become hermits, mine is done, I am pretty sure, late 60's with ED problems, what does he have to offer, lots of anger and rage, he is done.
May 7 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Ladydb123
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I think some of

them get very lonely and will continue to seek new NS. My N friend is in his 60's. He doesn't look bad for his age. He doesn't go out alot anymore, has talked to me about his ED and the little blue pill not working. He has a very bad back and major digestion problems. He recently told me that he gets major bronchitis 2 to 3 times a year. He gets depressed a lot and goes into his man cave and ignores phone calls, he even did it to me and I was just his friend. He is getting very forgetfull as well. All of his woman must come to him when he wants them. You don't dare go to his home without an invite or you will be banished. All of this happens after he hooks the woman and the honeymoon period is over. I have heard him speak of woman with disdain in his voice. As I think back I am amazed at all the things he has told me about his intimate life. I liked him and cared about him and he even J&H on me.
May 6 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
SoaperGirl
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Sounds like my narc

Couldn't help chuckling. Sounds like my narc - late 60's and with major ED problems. Except for the latest poor soul he's hooked, I think Brent is pretty well done too. He might as well hang it up. He's getting older and uglier every day especially since he no longer has my life force to infuse him with vitality. He could easily pass for 85 or 95 years old. I wouldn't want to touch him now. He's looking downright disgusting and repulsive in fact. He might as well put a gun to his head and get it over with. But then, he's not going hurt the only person that matters to him. Totally self-absorbed bastard.
May 6 - 5PM
Susan32
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Yes

My Narc grandmother has gotten worse with age. When my parents came down here to CA, her garden was a mess, it was neglected&overgrown. Her finances were even MORE of a mess. So my parents moved her up to OR, thinking that having her nearby would keep things together. She lived by a bus stop, she was active at church... everything seemed to be going swimmingly. After a couple of years, she decided to come back here to CA. Since she doesn't have a car, she's going to have a hard time back in Paso Robles. She's far from transportation, basically stranded. When she was in Oregon, my parents could keep an eye on her. Compounding that is that she has Alzheimer's. Things had been going fine in Oregon... and as they say, the better the situation, the more likely there'll be a D&D. So she's back here in California. A year after the final D&D, the ex-Psych prof's parents moved all the way from Massachusetts to New Mexico to raise his twins. MOST profs with kids either have (a)nannies (b)their spouses go on the Mommy track or (c)daycare. So it was pretty drastic for his parents to do an intervention like that. If you think Ns/Ps treat other adults terribly, think of the poor children.