Do I get it? NC v OW

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#1 Jul 22 - 7PM
I believe
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Do I get it? NC v OW

I've had awful CD today. It slowed down my functioning to almost zilch.

Still so much time is wasted on the moron..... such a beautiful day to waste too.

The CD I suffer from is the gut wrenching longing for the illusion and the utter sadness of the fake memories but without an urge to contact "him" as he is not the man I long for. This longing makes it virtually impossible to achieve anything.

I want the man I loved back but I know he doesn't exist. I no longer have any interest in giving the moron the satisfaction of a contact from me.
I tried all-sorts to change my thinking today but nothing worked until a friend dragged me out this evening bless her.

Anyway I've been thinking about how not having NC would help the N's relationship with the OW. I think this has been mentioned before?

My N used to have all his hate and anger directed at his ex-wife while we were together and I, God forbid, colluded with him on this (My own narcism, wanting to be the special one?).
Early on in our relationship he said he was so happy to be with me as I didn't do the things she did. She would nag him/ she wouldn't give him enough access to his child / she was frigid when they were together blah blah blah.

When he left me a few months ago, suddenly he and his ex-wife were friends again, she was supporting him he said, but its ok as "I haven't told her much about our marriage" Yeah right, and the sky isn't blue either.
I almost felt like this was a worse betrayal than his infidelity with the OW. This was a shock,as he was always moaning about ex-wife to me.

Then it clicked, of course! He needed more supply (as leaving me reduced his supply dramatically - I have a large family) so he could change just like that and suddenly be friends with her (Well I believe he is an N).

His hate (which presumably is really his hate for himself) having changed projection from 1st wife to me as he needed justification for why I caused him to have an affair.
The reason for this hate & why he had an affair? I forgot to make him a cup of tea once and had the audacity to try to talk to him about a concern I had.

Its so hard to accept the man I spent 12+ years with now hates me, and I have taken the place of his 1st wife. Guess thats my karma for allowing him to triangulate me with his ex-wife.

No doubt he is going on about my faults and errors with the OW now and I'm probably frigid / a nag etc.

So by getting the divorce done asap and having NC as quickly as possible, it can only be a matter of time surely before he has to stop moaning about me as there's nothing to moan about if I'm no longer in his life? No more triangulation between OW and me? (I'm very lucky as I don't have any children with him). Therefore where does his hate go next?? OW?

Jul 30 - 9AM
evergreen
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being the OW

Jul 31 - 4PM (Reply to #15)
I believe
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Thats the best thing isn't

Jul 23 - 8PM
Journey
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Huh! sounds like a narc to

Journey on...

Jul 23 - 6PM
Angel face
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Hate??

Jul 23 - 8AM
agnesmurphy17
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what he said

Jul 23 - 6AM
Janie53
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I Believe

Jul 23 - 3AM
sweetpeasarah
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In their eyes

Jul 23 - 4AM (Reply to #9)
Lovely1
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so tru

Jul 23 - 2AM
indenial
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I guess this is why they always abuse

Jul 29 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
Lacey
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Same story with me

Jul 31 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
I believe
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Thanks Lacey. Yes even though

Jul 22 - 7PM
ruby01 (not verified)
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Here's the kicker-

Jul 23 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
I believe
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Thanks everyone for your

Jul 23 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Marlinmom
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tornado

Jul 29 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
I believe
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Wow, thanks Marlinmom. Am