Discovery....after initial idealization, I was the one who was doing the pursuing

They like the attention of being pursued while most males claim they like doing the pursuing. The obsessive thoughts about him are common for women mixed up with a narcissit. They don't really have any relationship substance just contact. When they start to distance it is confusing and the confusion triggers the obsessive thinking, texting etc. You got into a relationship with a man who is emotionally shallow and you were just trying to find out who he was, where he was, and what was happening. It is like the holographs at Disney they look real but are only projections. Journaling at least gave some substance to the involvement. At least you knew you were there. The body chemistry of being involved with something so confusing is cortisol and adrenaline. This can make you gain weight, feel depressed, and can make you physically ill; try to do no contact mentally, physically, and emotionally. He was never really there-he was around and about-but never really present in the relationship.

In the beginning, it was great, showered with attention, phone calls, presents, massages, poetry, love letters, favorite foods, nice places, nice to my friends etc. About 6 months into it he started showing his true colors. The vagueness, the unaccountability, being mean...etc etc. (there was OW, multiple which i know now). During this phase, god i constantly remember waiting by the phone, not knowing where he was, feeling like a idiot in front of his friends because it looked like im checking up on him...worry worry worry...never knowing the status of where things are. then when the OW's ended...the showering of attention phase started again and it automatically went from him being cold and mean to you know i always have loved you, it will always be you...blah blah. round 2 started...like clockwork 6 months later...the distancing began again...days going by where he was unaccountable for, weekends where he was mia. excuses.. the phone fell into the toilet, the battery died, b.s. b.s. and more b.s. and if i dare question further...anger. if i cry...i brought it upon myself and further isolation. like your therapist said he never ended it...god countless times i said "is there someone else" or "are you not happy". this ticks me off the most because not only did i say that i suggested lets end things so many times...but no i was the one...yeah the one who was convinient! not until he was done using my money and resources and had the next one 100% lined up did he pull his bullshit act...and then blamed me for not being there and decided to leave. ughhhh

I didn't realize until you wrote it that my N did the same thing. I have been with him for about 5 years. At one point, we were in a committed relationship, however, (there is always a "however" when it comes to Ns) he did have OW on the side, but he barely saw her. He kept her on the back burner. I know this because I was always with him, but he was texting her and distancing himself from her. Then, he and I broke up and he went back to her for about 4 weeks but started calling me up again saying he loved me. This went on for about 4 months, then he said he was soooooo in love with me. But wait, there's more. So he meets yet another woman, and now she is in first position, and he is distancing himself from me. At one point I didn't see him for about 3 months, but I would still get the stupid texting from him saying he missed me and was thinking of me, etc. BS, BS. Then he started up again in March with me saying he loved me and didn't want to loose me. I told him that I wouldn't see him again unless he was COMPLETELY here for me and ONLY me. He said okay and broke it off with the most recent bimbo. So then, I saw him on May 2nd but he seemed very distant and was saying stuff like..."Well, if we hook up again". And I'm thinking....gee, I thought we ARE hooking up again. So we didn't kiss or anything on that date. Four days later I call him and his phone is off which meant he was flying to another state to see the recent bimbo I thought he broke it off with. When I called him crying about it, he got pissed and said he was "sick of this" and all that. My mother is also ill and he knew that was also why I was crying. But he D&d'd me. What a jerk. He turned his back on me when I needed him the most. So yes, they do distance themselves, that is for sure. But my N seemed to end it (but he has ended it before as well with other D&D's.) So who knows if he will call me again. He lied to me and I called him on it. But, I hear that Ns will call again when they need the supply. My N really distanced himself from me Since September of this year when he found this new bimbo, but he still didn't want to let go of me completely so I would get the stupid text messages from time to time to keep me hooked. My gut tells me he will come back to me when he realizes this new bimbo is no good. I am going through a lot of heartbreak now and a lot of crying. But in my heart I am glad to know the truth that this man was IN FACT an Narc. So, be grateful that you know. I understand the hurt and the pain, but it is better to feel the pain now so that future happiness can begin for you. You are not alone. Thank God we have each other to talk to. Ns are all the same. The more you read the more you will see that we have all gone through this BS. But we will be free of it someday. God Bless.