Even if you walk away at the end of the night he still feels gratified if you flirted with him - knows you still feel this way about him. Flirt with ANOTHER MAN at the table. LOL. You clearly are new at this! You are pleasant to him, very nice (otherwise he thinks you are trying to make him jealous or just cant handle him being around as you are SO into him) - but NO sexual/seductive thrill there with him - block the urge to feel that. You focus on SOMEONE ELSE at the dinner. You are enthralled with what that someone else has to say. ANd you are happy and joyful and confident and playful. But you do NOT try to connect with N - he's just another person there - no one special.
You remember WHO HE IS. Think of all the thirty women in the last week he sent that template "so sorry cant have sex with you but want you obsessed with me xoxxoxo" emails to and all the really disgusting ego-gratifying things he does. Be in your own power - even though you are feeling needy - DO NOT SHOW IT. If you can pull this off once you will feel 100% better and disconnecting will get easier and easier. At the end of evening give him a QUICK friendly non-physical goodbye (NO lingering hugs). RESIST THE URGE to have a "special moment" with him. IF YOU DO THIS you will feel so much better! He will have his "longing" feelings back where they belong - IN HIM NOT IN YOU. Then watch him squirm over the next week or so - and the more you do it -the more off-balance he is. BUT DO NOT CONNECT EMOTIONALLY - business only. You can do it!!!
If I could do it (and I do this every time I must be around him now) YOU CAN TOO. My N is much better behaved and "idealizing" me again (and once I can for business reasons go full NC I am so done with the whole game - but where I am is MUCH better than where I was). I need nothing emotionally from him now. Nothing. I look at him like a scientist watching a rat (or snake) in a maze. ANd at a very safe distance
I always look for the opportunity to have that "special moment" with him....and he always knows it. After every other dinner we have gone to, he always walks me back to my car and we always have a very special conversation and special goodbye. So I kept parking farther and farther away from the restaurant to have more time! ughhh.
It will be hard not to do. It is hard to unravel 22 years of programming and deep feelings.
Anyway, it will be tough. The only other people are 3 older, unappealing men and one much, much younger very good looking man. No good ones to pick from.... it would seem creepy no matter what.... ughhh
she knows the whole drill much better - she's right he doesn't have real feelings. Addictions but not feelings. Flu would be a good idea.
If for some reason it's not possible as work meeting too important - then just make SURE YOU DO NOT TRY for the "special moment". (He's just freaking actor anyway - remember the stock emails). You need to start getting control of YOURSELF with him (I know it's hard as he has you under his spell - but keep your wits about you) and DO NOT LET HIM IN. Park close and get out quick. Seriously if all you accomplish is avoiding the special after dinner moment - do that. You will have taken a step and that will empower you to take anther one.
And when he asks you about your feelings or whatever lure
he uses next after this to get you to "connect" with him again - YOU DO NOT LET HIM IN. Tell him you're not quite sure what he's talking about, nicely, and you have to go - you're busy.
You are very vulnerable to his emotional bait... of thinking you have a "real connection". Think of his entrees into "closeness" as toxic bait so he can snag you and dump his shit in you and you end up feeling BAD one more time. Say no to N bait!
You've got NOTHING to lose - just feeling titillated in the moment - and look where that has gotten you. Somewhere far worse than nowhere! I know - I lived in Titillationville for over two years and it's a bad-ass neighborhood!!!
there is NO WAY TO MAKE HIM FEEL PAIN!! NONE!!
they have NO EMOTIONS - they can NOT feel.
DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT FLIRT WITH HIM. Sit as far away from him, do NOT look at him or acknowledge his presence. Only answer BUSINESS RELATED QUESTIONS. If he says something in front of everyone just excuse yourself to the ladies room. Come back and act like nothing happened. HE DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!! He will start doing more & more to get a reaction from you - but he doesn't exist!!! Treat him as if he's barely even there!
DO NOT TURN THE TABLES OR EVEN TRY
HE is NOT NORMAL, NOT HUMAN and if you don't listen to the advice here it will backfire in your face BIG TIME. In fact, I come down with the FLU Monday night. Big time.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
omg - every single thing on that list matched 100%.
That is just so scary. The reason for all of my confusion.
Charming but 2 faced.
Appears to Care (e.g. can I drive you to the hospital to see your dad?) vs. cutting me down.
Appears to be my close partner and friend and insinuates that he wants a romantic relationship vs. claiming no relationship behind my back and using me as chick bait.
Being self-righteous. "I had no role whatsoever" in why she has feelings for me.
that confusion is called COGNITIVE DISSONANCE...
they must keep you off balance to keep their brainwashing going.
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Slice em and dice em, they still come up Narc loveofmylife
The blue eyes, the energetic handshake, the convoluted thoughful looks they throw your way.
The business dealings, that they have you trapped in because, well, they are the man.
You are mightier than the man.
You have empathy. Genuine business.
Narc business will not thrive in today's world.
We need to be more connected. Interface. View life with open arms, and understand others.
You have this quality, far superior, beyond the N that appeear calm and debonaire,,,on the surface.
You have what it takes to make change happen, get business done.
Do not give the traits over to the N, the superficial.
He likes it when you "small yourself" (ever been there?)
Enjoy the full experience of your wisdom and business savvy.
Your heart sees more than his "piercing blue eyes" (yes,,my N has the same "piercing blue eyes" strange, isn't it!!
Lead to your strength, don't deny it. Your credibitility is what you have to bring forward.
Do not succumb. You will be forever sorry for what was lost in a moment's haste.
No don't flirt with him!!!!
wallaby - you are right
Follow B's advice
And when he asks you about your feelings or whatever lure
do NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOveofmylife
Emotional Manipulator
confusion
mmmmhmmmm
Slice em and dice em, they still come up Narc loveofmylife