Did your Narc like holidays?...

He hated holidays and to this day I have no clue as to why he hates them so much. Every year he would want to leave and go on vacations during the holidays? Why? I don't understand why he would want to do this instead of spending it with family?

NO- supposedly his childhood was ruined with his parents fighting and he failed at stopping them so he does not do holidays. which he admitted to only when the real him was revealed...last year at this time when he was just sucking me in he wished me a happy holiday for all the major holidays. now I know it was just an excuse to make contact with me... probably to have me feel sorry for him as he was on the couch..and emailing me etc as we were barely friends then. Makes me so beyond ILL. after the mask fell I was never wished another happy anything I guess in his mind he came forward and explained that he hated holidays so nothing was wished to me from that day forward.

.......to ruin holidays. Needless to say, now that he is gone, it is going to be a very Merry Christmas and a completely Happy New Year! Haha! love~ Layla

My Narc grandmother loves the holidays. Once, when visiting her in Paso Robles, her apartment was so full of Christmas decorations there wasn't much room on the dining room table. It was over-the-top, dramatic. Glitter everywhere. My former Narc boss liked the holidays-because it meant making extra work for his employees. The obese Narc coworker loved Christmas because he could make himself look nice by dressing up as Santa for the elderly nursing home residents. Garden variety Ns love holidays because it means drama&decorations. The ex-Psych prof, however, HATED the holidays. His birthday meant moaning&groaning about getting old, one day closer to death. Very angsty. However, he liked Halloween because of the Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror episode. And he'd say that he dressed up as himself for Halloween. When the college put on a Dracula musical (it was lovable, in a cheesy way, live action Rocky Horror Picture Show), he identified with the main character. He didn't like other holidays, calling them "excuses for people to get fat&drunk." He was an emotional flatliner when discussing Thanksgiving in LA with "a friend" (his future wife) He wasn't excited about it;he didn't even feign excitement. Wouldn't a NORMAL guy be happy&ecstatic about meeting his LDR girlfriend over the holidays? Just sayin'.

My N brother HATES holidays. He becomes cruel and nasty, not just to my immediate family but extended family as well. He needs to secure supply before the holidays so that he can have someone to text during dinner etc. At one point at my grandmothers he brought his computer up to her loft attic and was skyping with his long distance girlfriend at the time. When we have holidays at my parents home he sits up in his room the whole time and only comes down to bring food back upstairs. My family is dumbfounded every year at his total indifference to spending time with respected family members. I'm sure he's setting up his supply now for the holidays.. pretty sure I saw that he and his ex girlfriend are talking again on facebook.

My Narc was always sort of fixated on holidays like they were the chance to redeem his bad thoughts or intentions, although in recent years he ruined more than he successfully celebrated. Mine really does have a (shrinking I think) conscience. However, he developed a really twisted birthday ritual for his own birthday that went like this: 1) He'd say "I don't really want anything." 2) I rack my brain to get him something really great -- creative, expensive, whatever 3) He opens it and immediately criticizes it, sometimes even saying AS HE'S OPENING IT -- and it's clear that whatever is in the box is not X -- "I realized that I should have told you I wanted X. I guess I thought about it too late." 4) Another variation in recent years was to actually get angry at me for what I got him, question my motives "So who is this for you or me? I think you just wanted this." In some cases he would insist we take the item back . . . and then a few weeks or months later, he would buy the exact same thing for himself. Mind-boggling. In a calm moment when I'd ask him about this, he'd say: I really don't know why I do that.

you described my N perfectly. never celebrated a holiday even his own b'day. never gave me a single gift or card for any occasion and never any sweet surprises, despite me always bringing him stuff, paying for everything, driving, etc. once i jokingly said to him, "why do i always have to be the man in this relationship?" cuz i always planned everything, and treated him special with nothing in return mine ate the same thing over and over and didnt go out or drink but did smoke weed all day and you ARE special enough to be treated well HE just isnt capable. it's sad and disheartening thats why we need to stay away

Mine would save his most demeaning, cruel, insidous, insane silent treatments or start fights during the holidays. He probably had them specially marked on a calender somewhere. He loathed his bday, I would break my ass trying to make him feel special for his bday, and he would just sit and act miserable. I bought him expensive things (hate mentioning what I do for people) and he would "FAKE" he liked it, or that he was appreciative. This guy never appreciated anything. Once I tried to spend Xmas with him, and he took over everything, the tree, the presents the decorations...etc. He had to get me something MORE expensive than my daughter , which hurt her feelings. (of course what my girl gave me, meant SO MUCH MORE.) he just monopolized every holiday, OR if he wasnt in the mood, he would just pretend I dropped off the Earth. Yup, those are the extremes of a psychopath.

It's interesting you brought this up because I'd just watched this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no5-rKy_rqc

Don't think mine really cared for the holidays, he just went through the motions because he thought he had to impress someone!

....not about my Ex. But one of my friend who has been affected by Narcissists - one of which is her grandfather WALKED out of his family's home and where he was living at the time after his wife died, just got up and left Christmas Eve or Christmas day, not sure which because her family stopped doting on the grandfather and turned into "Christmas" mode which means they stopped focusing on HIM. He completely flipped out and left. He is still giving them the silent treatment for celebrating Christmas almost a year later. HOW DARE THEY CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS! Ridiculous! Mind you he is in his late 70s/80s. ….Honestly, I don’t think Narcissists give a shit about Holidays. The Narcissist thinks everyday is his Birthday and that’s ALL that matters. Mind you, I never got a birthday present or X-mas from my Ex. (Typical N behavior).He did take me out to dinner to this fancy restaurant… I guess so he didn’t feel guilty or he just wanted to brag to his parents that we were going to the “best restaurant” in town. However his just lack of consideration made me think that I wasn’t special enough either.

Xnh only celebrated holidays that were about HIM. His birthday was supposed to be fawned over like it was the event of the century. I was expected to buy him big, expensive gifts and make a gigantic fuss over him. I did notice, however, that when the tables were turned, and it was xnh's turn to remember MY birthday, he usually "forgot" until the last minute. I usually ended up ordering something for myself and then trying to get him to pay for part of it. If I left it up to him to get me a gift, I would either get something that HE wanted (like exhaust tailpipes for the car), or he would tell me he was "too busy" to get me something and he'd take me somewhere for dinner instead. Then he would promptly invite his kids along and let THEM pick where we were going for my birthday. I truly think the only reason xnh would celebrate someone's birthday, that wasn't his, was because he was going to look like a shit in front of other people, if he didn't. Xnh was all about his own image, and he wanted to look like a "nice guy" in front of other people that were potential NS. The only other holidays that xnh had any interest in also were all about HIM. His family has a huge bash on July 4th, and his narc mommy made a gigantic show of inviting everyone on the planet to her house for Thanksgiving dinner. Being a narc herself, these holidays were big productions so that xnh's mommy could get people to fawn all over HER. For these holidays, xnh used them as an excuse to bully me into attending them. He could drag me 500 miles away from my own family holiday celebrations, and then devalue me by completely ignoring me the entire time. I got the silent treatment. Just FYI, it was a "tradition" for xnh to pick a fight with me every trip to his mommy's house because I had the NERVE to want a little of his attention. If I so much as spoke to him when someone else was around, xnh accused me of "interrupting him" and trying to dominate his time for myself. Then I would hear him late at night staying up and whining to his mommy about WHAT A BITCH I was, and how I was SO mean to poor, little him. Personally, I feel that these holidays were only so important to xnh because his mommy insisted that he be there. Plus, both he and his mommy could stir up LOTS of drama and chaos to keep the focus always on themselves. Xnh did his best to ignore romantic holidays like Valentine's Day. If I didn't insist that we celebrate it, it got ignored by xnh. The last Valentine's Day I got xnh to take me to dinner, he (once again) dragged his kids along and let them pick where we were going to eat. Then he stood up in the middle of the restaurant and blasted me about how many times I had left the toilet seat lid up. Always putting the toilet lid down was one of xnh's mommy's rules, and xnh seemed to think it was a rule in OUR house as well. I went "rogue" and decided that his mommy didn't make the rules in our house, and I defiantly started leaving the lid up. Xnh actually counted how many times I'd done it, and then blasted me on Valentine's Day in the middle of the restaurant with his "revelation". What a sweetheart! NOT. Personally, I think you are correct with or if that was just his way of telling me I wasn't special enough.... Xnh used holidays as a way to devalue me. It was one (of many) weapons in xnh's arsenal.

Mine (narc #2) HATED the holidays and never acknowledged birthdays for anyone......I believe a lot of people, men especially, if the holidays brought nothing but stress or sadness, have learned to condition themselves not to care. Whether you are a narc or not........ My friend just in the past few years started celebrating holidays with her new husband, she didn't before due to religious reasons. She has commented on several occassions how stressful holidays and birthdays are, and that the pressure to aim to please is over whelming. So, there are many that simply dred it or just plain want no parts of it.

I'm still kind of agitated that the bastard remembered my birthday this year and used it as a means to Hoover and piss on my day with his email before 6 am on the day. Anyway, he "hated" his birthday and would lament the day he was born. His Facebook page would be full of birthday wishes and he wouldnt even bother to log on to say thank you to anyone. I remember explaining to him that it was good manners to take the time to say thank you to everyone, regardless of how he felt about his birthday, and that it didn't give him the right to be rude to everyone that took the time to wish him well. Oh if only I had known aboutNPD then, I would have understood why it felt like I was speaking with a bratty child...I was!

He would use lesser holidays (like Easter and Memorial Day, for example) to make contact or make it seem like he was thinking of me or cared about me. But he would screw me over on the ones which are more important in terms of a romantic relationship (e.g. Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve). All a part of the mind games, I think.

he did not celebrate holidays and special occasions with anyone else. They are FREAKS of nature who don't feel things. The disordered one I was with (I don't own him anymore either!! :) ) was a cop, too, and he would sign up to work on all holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. etc. The only day that was "special" to him was his birthday...HIS BIRTHDAY...which he would spend shopping spending his parents' silver spoon money like he was a rock star or something. Meik, don't own the last line of this post here. You WERE SPECIAL. Too special, which is why he had to D & D you. The "rules" constantly change with these guys and they never let you in on what the new ones are. IT WAS NEVER YOU, IT WAS ALWAYS HIM. He is disordered, a lone wolf literally, and will never, ever change. You are too good for him and don't need that chaos and confusion in your life and I am so glad you are moving on. You are doing great, meik. Keep it up! Hugs to you from, (determined to never again be) spinning. THE SICK FREAK TRIED HARD TO TAKE ME DOWN BUT HE FAILED!!