Did your N ever admit he is or think he might be a Narcissist?

not a N but also said wierd things like what can i say im selfish or i i guess i lack a conscience ...when he was playing the sympathy card and i wanted to fix him so bad...now i am just thinking how telling that is. I mean who says things like that.

Mine didn't bat an eyelash when I called him one and described all the traits. But he never batted an eyelash about anything so . . . However, he did say on three occasions: "In order to feel bad, I would have to have a heart."

Mine didn't bat an eyelash when I called him one and described all the traits. But he never batted an eyelash about anything so . . . However, he did say on three occasions: "In order to feel bad, I would have to have a heart."

Mine didn't bat an eyelash when I called him one and described all the traits. But he never batted an eyelash about anything so . . . However, he did say on three occasions: "In order to feel bad, I would have to have a heart."

My EXNH joked from day one about being a narcissist, but I never looked into the true meaning of narcissism until 8 years later after banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what happened to our relationship. His therapist insisted I start coming to therapy with him. Mind you, most narcissists don't like therapy. However, some (typically cerebral) actually enjoy it because they like the attention of a trained professional picking their brain once a week for an hour. No joke, mine would always talk about how his therapists were in love with him and if he missed his therapy session that week, his therapist would be devastated. It doesn't matter if they are aware. They cannot change and often times, do not want to change. Personality Disordered Individuals (PDIs) cannot change. I've been doing a lot of research for the second book and below is a copy and paste from my book, which I hope helps you understand why narcissists and other PDIs can never change. People with personality disorders are rigid and unaware that their thoughts and behavior patterns are inappropriate. Research indicates they are rarely the ones who come in for treatment. Instead, the spouse, significant other, children, and parents of the personality disordered are the ones who suffer and seek therapy. PDIs rarely seek treatment. Furthermore, personality disorders begin in adolescence/early adulthood and do not change over time. While PDIs often have a hard time dealing with stress and may have symptoms such as substance abuse or anxiety that can be treated with medication, it is important to understand that the personality disorder itself cannot be treated. These personality traits are so deeply ingrained that they defy change. One analogy I’ve read before that really helped me understand the permanence of a personality disorder is to compare it to a mental illness. Mental illnesses (such as Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder) can be treated with medication and cognitive therapy. Most mental illnesses are caused by disruptions in brain cell receptors and synapses, which are believed to be genetically inherited. As long as someone with Schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder is committed to taking their medication regularly, symptoms subside and they feel and act relatively normal. The onset of mental illness is typically quite sudden and profound. It is often described as though a heavy wool blanket has descended upon a person’s personality and smothered it. A personality disorder, on the other hand, is all pervasive. With mental illness, a person’s personality is smothered or blanketed by the onset of the mental illness. Medication used to restore proper chemical balance in the brain helps to remove the blanket and bring back the true personality of the individual. In contrast, the personality of someone with a personality disorder is virtually interwoven into every fiber of that blanket. If you unravel the blanket, you unravel the person’s entire personality. The easiest way of thinking of it is this: Someone doesn’t have a personality disorder; they ARE the personality disorder. Therefore, the way I see it is simple: you have two choices. You either accept your partner for who he/she is or you move on. It is critical that you understand you have done nothing wrong nor is there anything you can do to change the situation. It is not your fault. You fell in love with someone who is incapable of having an adult mature relationship based on reciprocity and love. Personality disorders cannot be treated. It is time to move on. You owe it to yourself and deserve so much more in life. xoxo

I have learned that the N in my life got diagnosed many years ago. Went through a whole thing where he was sectioned and spent loads of time in therapy. Apparently, he was going to use his diagnosis to turn his life around. He made a big show of it. I didn't stop him from running a game on me years later! The only thing I see different from the last time is that he's got a bigger vocabulary and bigger arsenal of 'double talk' and mind games. During the D&D, he would recite big chunks of things his therapists or the people he hurt in the past said to him. He LOVES to play therapist. I thought I saw a glimmer of self-awareness when he told me that 'this is wrong, it has to stop'. (When I was begging him not to dump me :P ) And I do think that at those moments, he really did recognize that what was going on was unhealthy for me or him or both of us. But a few days later he'd be back like nothing happened - so obviously it's not a permanent thing.

My exN was diagnosed by the therapist involved in his previous divorce. I discovered this, to my horror, in the end of the relationship. If I were diagnosed with a personality disorder, I would cry with anguish, look for a second then a third opinion, then I would start therapy of any kind. This is precisely why I am a bit anxious, with low self esteem...but I have not a personality disorder. My exN thought nothing of his diagnosis. He told me that the therapist was a lesbain and was in love with his ex wife. If they were able to understand their problems and to work on them, they would be normal people. Thiis is precisely what they are not. They will pretend to acknowledge it for a while if it suits them in any way, then completely forget about it. It's OUR problem and OUR fault, not theirs. Always. Remember it. It's a complete waste of time and energy and hope to think you can change a disordered person. You cannot. Noone can.

Still hoping that a narcissist is going to be self-aware? Hoping the N will change? It ain't happening. A person truly suffering from a personality disorder is not going to change. These people lack empathy. They cannot put themselves into the shoes of another. Thinking that your N is gonna get screwed by another N & then hoping that your N will suffer pain & then realize what pain he inflicts on others, and on you -- no, not happening. All he's gonna do is bail out and, yet again, be a victim. Whenever a N does not get what he wants he's the victim.

he isn't likely to want to change anything (except your perception of him by him admitting that he wants to change). Ns have no concept of what they are lacking. I truly beleive that most of them "know" that they are different, but it is much much easier to convince us of their sincere desire to change versus dealing with the ugliness that resides within the N. Remember, these guys build entire frameworks around fantasies that they must maintain at all costs. So, if admitting that they need to change allows them to continue their fantasy, so be it. As I read on another blog, don't pay attention to the words or even the context of the words...look only at the Ns actions. Because they will manipulate you with words, but it's their actions that show who they truly are.

But just like everything else that comes out of his mouth equals bullshit. When my HN was arrested (3rd) he knew I would be done with him. Everyone knew it! He went thru July Aug and Sept reading (prentend) about NPD. See, I made him gt our local mental hospital, which was supposted to be 7 days and they let him out in 3! He had them fooled that he had PTSD from the Navy! HA! From mopping the decks? Really? Bullshit. Well, he had a good few months of an NPD diagosis. He now denies thos diagnosis and says his father had it! Yes, his father did but he also has it. So now he is at the point where he says and ill quote "I wish someone would say to me, this is what you have and THIS is how to fix it. Idk babe, maybe I'm used to ppl fixing shit for me and idk what to do?" My translation: "I know I'm a total NARC and fuck YOU know now too, fix it babe, take it away, give it to my Dad, continue being my main and only supply, pretty please?" Seriously, if your diagnosed, do you really have to ask what you have? Girl, he was telling you that either to keep you close, or to make you feel bad! He probably deep down knows he is a NARC but he rather be one and live that way then to try to better himself! That's my expierience with it, maybe I'm wrong? I'm not an expert! I'm just a fucked over single mom who is bankrupt from the SOB! Oh, I read a lot too so I've gotten pretty good at listening to what he's really saying!

No, my xnh never did (and never will) admit he might be a narcissist. In fact the night he D&D'd me, I told him he needed serious therapy. He told me that he never would go to any because "there's nothing wrong with him." Must be nice to be so perfect. lol.