1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Did you guys block it out?

Did you guys block it out?

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 13 - 7AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

Did you guys block it out?

im on 2 weeks SOLID no contact. I was in the no contact phase, but he kept getting thro....not anymore tho. I told him if he really "loved" me he would leave me alone.

Anyway. Its been a rollarcoaster...and some days are better then others....But Im curious.

Did you block out the stuff you knew? Did you repress those feelings and pretend they didnt happen, just so things would go back to normal? meaning....back to the good part of your relationship?

I blocked out a DIRTY video and made it okay in my mind. Thats crazy. I also pretended everything he said, that I didnt like was stuff he really didnt mean. and then I took that and felt sorry for him and wanted to help. I think the bottom line is I just wanted someone to love me for me and my past/crazy family.

I never needed him but I wanted him. Now I feel as tho I need him. Also I use to think of ways and reasons to call him when he was acting different and try to get him back to a "happy" place....Im freaking out!!! .... Tell me this is normal?

Aug 13 - 8AM
baddream
baddream's picture

That is "normal" when you are with a Naricssist

Yes. I did the same. I knew he had a girlfriend and I blocked it out. I believed him when he said he loved me, not her. I blocked out all the lies he told about other people. I blocked out all the bad things he did to his family. I believed his crazy stories. I blocked it out when he couldn't hold a job because people couldn't deal with his personality flaw. I lied to myself about everything. One day I woke up and had lost all my self esteem. I felt physically and mentally ill because I had REPRESSED my own self and had become a servant to him. He mistreated me, he lied, he manipulated. I blocked it all out. The narcissist turns us into this "person" who is like the "living dead" zombie. You must not repress or block out what he did. You must confront it, think about it, write about it and get ANGRY. This will help you to hate him instead of love him, and once you can do that it will be easier to send him on his way forever. Be good to yourself and know you are not alone.
Aug 13 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Blocking it

Did I block it? Yes and no. Mostly yes, because I did the very same things you did...minimize the bad stuff/red flags or come up with some reason in my mind that it was okay. But I did see the red flags, consider what they meant and didn't really forget about them. But I ultimately rationalized them (in his favor) until they were just too brutal and obvious to ignore. However, while I was blocking I developed PTSD (my mind and body's way to telling me NOT to block). While I abhor PTSD and the hell it causes us, in a way it saved me. It made me seek therapy to figure out what was going on with me while I was still with him. And through therapy, the blinders started to come off and his N traits began to escalate, so when the time came to kick him to the curb...I knew I was doing the right thing...even though it hurt like hell to lose him. And it's made me understand that I can NEVER block or rationalize bad behavior again. Never.
Aug 13 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I keep blocking things then

I keep blocking things then it comes back and hits me like a ton of bricks , so i get angry and then that gets too much so i go back to thinking he wasnt that bad then i start missing him and so it goes on every day .Its a rollercoster with only a few minutes of relief when something comes on the tv or the phone rings . This feeling of being in my own head is crazy , and sometimes when im deep in thought i get annoyed that someone wants to talk to me so i snap at them and im getting to the point where i dont even want to say sorry especially to my house mate and my mum , they are being amazing with me but it worrys me to see them so conserned . I have never been like this before it must be hard for them . I have faith and i read and i write , i know i will be ok and come out the other side and even if i crack up and have to be taken away i will still be alright we have a very good hospital here lol . Im sorry if thats in bad taste , 7 weeks into a break up and im feeling weak and i wonder when normality will return Peru x Peru x
Aug 13 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

That's called DENIAL, ladies

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/20/denial-and-its-power
Aug 13 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

I did it too. I lied to

I did it too. I lied to myself. Was it my ego? Was it hope? Was it the belief that he could change? Was it that I thought if I just loved him and accepted him enough he WOULD change? It doesn't matter WHY I did it so much as HOW LONG I did it for. I did it for at least two and a half years. Longer than I should have but long enough to finally face the truth. The truth was that he was NOT who he presented himself to be to me in the beginning. His whole personna was a made up fairy tale and I was the Princess. The whole relationship was fabricated and a big fat lie. But OH, how I loved it.....I felt so aMAZing while I was living the lie with him. Now I stay connected to the TRUTH and it keeps me angry enough to remain in No Contact Land. He doesn't deserve any attention from me. He doesn't deserve to live Rent-free inside my head. I am doing anything and everything possible to exorcize that man/demon from my brain, my heart and my life. neveragain