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Did you ever feel like his counsellor/therapist?

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#1 Sep 2 - 2PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Did you ever feel like his counsellor/therapist?

I did.

My ex could go on for hours about how life had not been good to him. Problems with N-father and mother, job etc, etc, etc. I sound like the King of Siam. LOL.

If he ever had issues/problems/lack of available funds (and he had loads) I would be the one that he turned to, even when we weren't seeing one another. Because as his mother related, I was his soul mate. More like f***ing doormat to my mind now I have eventually seen the light.

I was always expected to assist with whatever was the latest tragedy/trauma or problem. AND when he was in "real" therapy, which he fought tooth and nail against, for an allegation of bullying in the work place, with as it ultimately turned out, OW, I was told, "you can't talk to me like that, I am in therapy". Apparently a common response from these critins.

So another example of bleeding their victims dry and using them up and because we are so emphatic we happily help to smooth their path when in fact there is never, ever reciprocation.

Anyone else experience this?

Dee x

Sep 2 - 5PM
blindfaith
blindfaith's picture

his counselor

Oh yes very much! Actually, people often trust their counselor's advise,dont they? So I guess I was more like a sounding board to him. He talked about himself, his goals, his counselors, his worries, his past...everything was about him. He never hardly asked me questions about myself. He would listen to me now and then but I think it was a chore to him. He'd end up mocking me just to shut me up,when i hadnt even been talking that long. I believe infact, the only reason he keeps contacting me and wants me to stay in this life, is just to have someone listen to him and be there for him, when its convenient, for HIM.
Sep 2 - 3PM
spinning
spinning's picture

UK, yes indeed,

I had no clue I had signed on to be the doctor/shrink/counselor/mommy/sister, etc. Toward the end I told him many times "I am not equipped to deal with the scope of your problems. I just don't have the tools." This, of course, led to the brutal vanishing act D & D. The thing is I was telling him the truth and not in a mean way. I would actually be pleading. By then I knew how disordered he was and he would continue to try to get me to think his behavior was okay or justified because of his being adopted, his mom's behavior, being misunderstood, being adandoned, etc. I just couldn't take it any more and I certainly couldn't help him. He didn't want real help. He just wanted me to keep my mouth shut and my legs open (sorry to sound so crude but it's the truth) not matter what he did, his silent treatments, punishments, fists, etc. YUCK! I'm so glad I'm out! Stay strong UK lady. Know that you'll never fall into that trap again! Most sincerely, (determined to never again be) spinning. NOT FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANY ONE...ESPECIALLY A SICK FREAK WHO TRIED HARD TO DESTROY ME!

spinning

Sep 2 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Hi Spinning

When we were first together he used to say how relaxing my house was because it had some semblance of order and stability. Something he had never known before. I was flattered - how sad is that? But he knew how to reel me in and boy, did he do a good job. He has big issues with abandonement to this day - everybody ultimately leaves him and it's basically not his fault. I personally never blamed them. I had to remind him that they didn't leave him, they just got so fed up with his continuous cheating and lying and they had no other option but to do so to retain some sanity. I once told him that I hadn't signed up to be his counsellor and that if he continued along those lines then my rates were very reasonable. He didn't really see the funny side of that. I too, am so glad I am out of the whole mindf**k which constitutes his world. And, I am so alert nowadays that I pray to God that I won't fall into the trap again. Dee x