Did not anticipate this

Hello friends!

It seems like the longer I've been out of the situation, the worst it seemed for me. In the beginning of my recovery, I started to feel better and I actually had some really good days. I was sleeping well at night, doing more activities and meeting new friends.

Lately, I feel like my life is unraveling. Although I had been working out, I am gaining more weight. I know because I am eating more. I am unable to do homework and barely able to meet my responsibilities at work. I still go to therapy and reading self- help books. I still have good days but my bad days are outweighing the good ones.

Now, I feel like I am crying more often. Interestingly, not for the N but for what I put myself through. I do get sad about the experience and still keep looking back. I read gemofagirl's post yesterday and I realized the reason why I keep looking back and sad over the end of that N experience was during the "putting his hooks" on me phase was the last time I was in love ( and thought that I was loved back), the last time I felt good about myself, the last time that I had faith in my God and in my life. Prior to this, I knew that regardless what life throws at me, I knew I could get through it and that things would always turn out ok.

I feel really lost. My soul and my core was really sucked out of me. And I've been trying to reclaim it. It's just been extremely, extremely hard.