Did he blame YOU for his sexual dysfunction?

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#1 Feb 9 - 10PM

nadine31

Did he blame YOU for his sexual dysfunction?

Just curious if your ex's ever implied (or outright claimed) that they couldn't perform/finish the act because there was something wrong with YOU?

My ex slept with 12 other women in the year we were together, but was very asexual with me. I thought he just had a low drive!

When we did do it, he could never finish - he said it was because he "couldn't feel" me, and that he hadn't had this problem with anyone else. Well, I had never had that problem with any other guy! (I WISH I had said this, but I didn't.)

To this day I could murder him for those words :(
It made me feel SO insecure.

But apparently men who separate sex and love often have trouble finishing, as their arousal threshold is so high (i.e. they need sex to be illicit or wrong).

#2 Feb 18 - 10AM

janemarie

The exboyfriend wanted me all

The exboyfriend wanted me all the time and told me how I was the best....until I became the "madonna like" figure...I was motherly to his kids and took care of everyone....then it seemed like he couldnt be bothered with any type of affection. No matter what I did or what I wore...he wanted it only when HE wanted it which became far and few between...he would always say..."Babe..youre more to me than just sex!" Whatever..... The exhusband wanted me every day, but always had a hard time staying hard and finishing. We later found out that he has a condtion (and it is a real condition if you google it) called retarded ejactulation...He never would admit this and blame me saying hurtful things about me not being tight...then when we divorced he used to text me how he was with someone much younger and tighter...and how he can tell which women had kids and who didnt...and how he never has a hard time with other women, just me..It made me feel soooo inadaquete, so low, so self conscious....THen when he and I reconnected...he came clean about how he only said these things to hurt me and how they were not true. He said he only said these things to hurt me and how he has this problem with other women...even worse then with me....GOOD!!!! Botton line....they can NEVER take responsibility for anything...it will always be OUR fault..... Funny how every guy Ive been with after the exhusband never had one complaint!!!!!

#3 Feb 18 - 7AM

onwithmylife

nadine

THAT is one thing he never did. slightly human.

#4 Feb 18 - 12AM

foreverfun1

yes mine only finished during

yes mine only finished during the idealization phase of our relationship, after that he seemed totally uninterested in sex with me but if we did have sex he never "came" mine also was having multiple affairs and illicit sex, so what i thought was my unattractiveness was really just him having so much sex outside our relationship. of course he made me feel like i was repulsive or some kind of sex fiend if i tried to get him to have sex w me. fucking asshole screwed up my self-esteem badly

#5 Feb 17 - 10PM

Deidre40

aw i'm sorry you went through

aw i'm sorry you went through this. :( these types are just awful. let me think back. i broke up with him a while back, last year. we had a long distance relationship, so sex was not often. but, we did see each other for week/two weeks long stints. i'd classify sex with him as boring. totally mechanical. he was very 'motivated' to make me cum. but i don't think he cared that i got pleasure, as much as it made him feel good about HIMSELF. he said to me before we became sexual...'dee...no women except one could make me cum by giving me head.' lol oh brother. so my take was he wanted me to make this my mission in life to prove that I can give this man head...ta daaaa! lol oh please. he came quickly with me. he was embarassed. saying...dee...give me time...i truly can last longer. (i honestly didn't judge him but he was insecure over this) anyways...if they are nuts out of bed. they will be nuts in bed. hahahaha!

#6 Feb 18 - 6AM (Reply to #17)

Zenster

Ha - Yes!

Deirdre! Agreed - crazy is as crazy does (Gump reference!). They don't do intimacy so sex is just the act. Weird that your N almost dared you to make him cum - so if he hadn't, what then? Mine used the word "intercourse" in a love letter to me (trying to get me to be exclusive with him and have sex)...this was 25 years ago. When he was discarding me, he mocked my belief that "sex is best when you are in love". Crazy!

#7 Feb 16 - 11PM

ggbabi45

He sure did blame me! It was

He sure did blame me! It was amazing at first but he always needed nasty raunchy talk about me doing things to other girls...I was kinda freaked out but went along with it because I am figured if that's what turns him on whateva.....when he knew I was not going to do that in real life it seems like the sex totally decreased and he was less interested.He said" I know you won't have a threesome so it's difficult for me to get it up!" He actually went to a strip club (without telling me) to get a lapdance because he knew he would be seeing me that night...(not to brag but I'm pretty thin and have been told I look like Denise Richards.)...so it's not like I'm unattractive...after his lapdance--- the sex was AMAZING...hmmmm...I guess he needed a lap dance to be turned on enough to have sex with me....way to make a women feel special!!

#8 Feb 10 - 2PM

pamela1

Yes-- Mine had ED issues as

Yes-- Mine had ED issues as well. Tried to blame me but I never thought it was my fault. I knew that one was on him. I would try everything and anything to help him 'finish' He was exhausting and yep---usually only finished if he did it himself or from behind.....

#9 Feb 10 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

nadine31

They're unbelievable

How did he try and blame you? I hope you were more assertive than i was :(

#10 Feb 10 - 1PM

SundaySmile

12 others

If he was with 12 others that you KNOW of - his ED was likely a case of having blown his wad on one of them earlier at any given time. Easier to blame you than to see a dr for creepy weener bugs as a contributing factor or to talk to you about his guilt over being a pig. Easier to blame you than to take responsibility for a rational, level headed healthy proactive search for a solution as a couple.

#11 Feb 17 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

GeorgiaGirl

Creepy Weener Bugs!

LMAO...thats awesome!

#12 Feb 10 - 7AM

Ophelia

Sounds like a possible case of

Madonna/Whore complex, so typical with these types, and you were the Madonna. NOT your fault. Ophelia

#13 Feb 9 - 11PM

nlvr7

jesus christ

umm if my N was "happy" w me he could finish... if he wasn't he would have to flip me over to get off and even then sometimes he wouldnt go.... he would just say he wanked earlier so thats why. they are so odd.

#14 Feb 10 - 12AM (Reply to #2)

nadine31

Yep

same here... often the only way he could get off was from behind. It was almost like having that proximity to someone 'close' would turn him OFF...

#15 Feb 10 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

SundaySmile

yes

Same here. Unless I was folded into an inescapable pretzel shape while he pounded me like a pocket pu##y fresh out of the microwave - it had to be from behind ripping out my hair - I dont mind gentle pulling but hitting me hard and calling me disgusting names was is MO. And his audiences that he lectures to hang on his every word like he is so sweet and helpful and kind. If they knew what a sadistic boundary-less he truly was...his business would be shit. Oh he is our HERO he is SOOOOOOOO smart. If they only knew how psycho he truly is. How much a lying sack of pure evil he was to me. If they only knew. Two people on court record have accused him of battery related treatment. One was of sexual nature. The other was a former client who saw the rage. I was not there at the time of these cases nor did he ever explain when I asked upon my finding out. He denied they were true accusations. All I know for sure is the way he treated me. I saw the rage. I saw it always there under the surface ready to jump my ass. He told me he had issues with yelling and anger and had been to counseling. I wish it had helped. Sexual battery is a serious charge for a woman to make. And I was NOT the one to make it. I have no idea what the story is behind it other than what I read. But I do know he liked getting behind me and ripping out my hair and not playfully slapping my butt - but really hurting me - saying mean stuff - never ever loving. Not once. some things should just be categorically wrong.

#16 Feb 10 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

Redhead

Mine would get off from

Mine would get off from behind too. When he discarded me, he accused me of not liking sex any longer. He barely initiated it anymore & when I did, he brushed me off.

#17 Feb 10 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

nadine31

Do you mean he couldn't get

Do you mean he couldn't get off any other way? I think mine was unable to finish if my face was there as it was more difficult to imagine I was a stranger/one of his one night stands....and being 'close' to someone actually prevented his excitement? That was if he could finish at all. Some days I get so angry I can barely breathe.

#18 Feb 17 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

Armed

I don't know what it is about

I don't know what it is about the behind position but mine was the same way.

#19 Feb 17 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

GeorgiaGirl

Mine too

Always from behind if he wanted to finish.

#20 Feb 17 - 6PM (Reply to #6)

nadine31

Armed - you mean he couldn't

Armed - you mean he couldn't finish unless it was from behind?

#21 Feb 17 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

Zenster

Porn addict

In the last few years mine needed porn to arouse...and he wanted porn star sex....wanted cum on my face, wanted me to swallow (said "I know you are working on that. WTF!? No - not interested on many levels - who wants the extra calories ; ). He was very detached. Set at the rules. Never said "I love you". It was never "making love".

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