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Did anything I did for him matter at all?

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#1 Nov 26 - 9PM
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Did anything I did for him matter at all?

Did it matter to him that for 7 yrs I helped raise his kids
Did it matter to him that I had his back in everything he did
Did it matter to him that I was the only one there for him when everyone else said they would be and never showed
Did it matter to him that I cooked and made sure he had a hot meal the nights he came to my house after work
Did it matter to him that I pushed my family aside to take care of his needs first
Did it matter to him that I always said I was sorry for shit I didn't do or for things I didn't know I did
Did it matter to him that all I wanted was to have him let me love him
Did it matter to him that all I wanted from him was for him to love me unconditionally like I did him
Did it matter to him that our children bonded and became like siblings
Did it matter to him that he not only hurt me but he hurt our kids (even though they are not related)
Did it matter to him that his own kids think he is a dick
Did it matter to him that I was the longest relationship he ever had
Did it matter to him that I helped him start his business
Did it matter to him that he made me do sexual acts that I hated, but was forced to do
Did the relationship matter at all to him
Does it even matter to him that I love him so much even after all the shit he put me through, would he even care if I was to never be seen again? If I died today would it have mattered?

NO IT DIDN'T, IT DOESN'T ,BUT IT MATTERED and MATTERS TO ME! I'M so hurt! And cannot get passed the fact that he didn't care! Eve nafter 4 ficken months, I still can't get past the he didn't care part.

Nov 27 - 1AM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

I have come to this

I have come to this realisation too recently and it does hurt. To realise that the person whom you given your everything, simply discarded you, and you never mattered in the first place. It`s the cold truth, hard to process especially by the heart, but think about it, it`s for the best..would we prefer to look at them through coloured glasses again? Lie to ourselfs again? Life is too short and too precious, to waste it on a lie!
Nov 26 - 11PM
Gaia
Gaia's picture

:(

I feel the same way :( We really were TOO good for these trolls. BIG HUGS XX
Nov 26 - 10PM
Sea
Sea's picture

Dear N2K - I did not do as

Dear N2K - I did not do as much for the narc as u did. It hurts that they dont care. Zero gratitude, zero everything. There are a few things i am still hurting after 4 mths out. 1. He never loved me ever 2. It doesnt matter that i was his longest gf and we nearly had a child 3. He replaced me instantly and erased me 100% in 24 hours N2K, he is so not worth it!! Not worthy of the love we shower on them. Move on, let it go. I take it as someone came and robbed me. I just have to write off what i lost. We can heal and start afresh. Let the narc rot in his own hell. Hugs Sumiko
Nov 26 - 10PM
Syren66 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Let me put it to you this

Let me put it to you this way...I was with the xNarc for 7 years...and after we split, he would talk about instances or events that I was not only a witness to, but part of...as if he were telling a complete stranger. He had no recollection of my presence during any of it...and it didn't happen just once. That's the level of depth these people have. I can't wait until he really fucks up and talks about some other girl he was dating while he and I were in a relationship, since he seems to be so forgetful of history and relevant dates.
Nov 26 - 10PM
freaked
freaked's picture

N2K, the answer is NO..any way you look at it

short answer is NO. long answer is also NO. I can imagine how depressed you must be feeling once this realization dawned..ugh.. been there, done that. Now that we know the irrevocable Truth, we must concentrate on moving on.. in any way that is possible at a given point in time. I too have a lengthy list of all the pearls i cast before the swine.. well, it is history now. thankfully. now on if i do any favor for him, it is because i have to earn my food and lodge..none other reason.
Nov 26 - 9PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ugh!!! I know... I still feel

Ugh!!! I know... I still feel this way every now and then.. What does matter is that you move forward find happiness and stay the HELL away from him.. It will be ok.. Hunter
Nov 26 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Ive come to the conclusion

Thats its not that we do or don't matter. Its almost like none of it registers. It seems almost like a deaf person who can read your lips or your facial expression but they will never know the sound of the words. It seems like they see it and hear it but cant feel it. Its either that or they are crazy evil people who know they are playing games. When I think of mine, he just seems so clueless.....but then maybe thats the game.