The Destruction of a Narcissist in Three (more) Easy Steps

Hi All, haven't posted for awhile but I wanted to visit and share a little story with you.

This is for all those who are angry and worried when their narcissist friend/boyfriend/husband et al seemingly move on without them onto something 'better' and 'more exciting'. It's not about karma or revenge, it's a very frightening look at what happens to those who suffer from this disorder to show you that no, they cannot and do not have something better waiting for them on the other side, now that you don't have them in your life anymore.

Since April of 2012, I've had no contact with my ex-friend. At the time I tried to explain to our mutual friends whom all had nothing to do with him anymore for unrelated reasons, that he was disordered, and that his immediate future would unfold in very specific terms including much of what has happened already. They didn't quite get it then, not having had the same level of 'intimacy' (see under: abuse) that I had experienced in the ten-year period in which I knew him.

When I deleted him from my life last year without a word due to triangulation, he had already weakened his marriage with an affair with his and his wife's employee whom he fired, sunk his business, became separated from his wife, moved out, sold his business and his marital home, restarted his affair with his previous employee (the third party in the triangle) and was working on a new location for his business. His public persona he sold was that of a guy who had a lot of 'hard knocks' but was struggling through it and rebuilding his life. I was the only one who understood that this was just the start to an incredibly public and destructive slide into the narcissistic abyss. I just didn't realize how fast it would happen.

DESTRUCTION: STEP ONE

The news started to leak out in June of 2012. The papers, radio and television were all blasting the same story. Promises were made to numerous festival organizations that his place of business would be ready to open by the time the shows were due to start. The promises were complete lies as the premises had not been even halfway constructed, approved nor safetied, and the festival committees and the City shut him down on three different occasions (three separate summer/fall festivals) from June through September. The media frenzy continued and he became a local pariah. For a man who had once used the media for years to his advantage to obtain exposure and manipulate his reputation, the tables had turned right around to show how foolish and irresponsible he was. Up until this time, he had skated for a long time on charm and his so-called community-mindedness. In response to generate sympathy, he talked a local documentary crew into producing a TV show highlighting a week in his life, focusing on his current personal and business woes, which aired constantly on our local cable channel (I then canceled my cable).

Late in the fall of 2012, he launched an online fundraising campaign in order to generate thousands of dollars to complete the renovation of his new business. Over $11,500 was taken from the trusting and truly community-minded people of this city. More news started to trickle in. I would go to a coffee shop and folks would tell me that they had donated and had not received any response, let alone a thank you (as his only friend and 'life manager' for so many years, everywhere I go people assume that I am the go-to person to ask about what's happening, how he's doing etc).

DESTRUCTION: STEP TWO

Not long after that in November, I was suddenly contacted by the local news by an investigative reporter asking me questions about his financial dealings. Turned out I was referred by an acquaintance who wasn't aware of my position and thought that I would be the best person to shed light on his true intentions with the public's money based on my experience doing business with him. I had nothing to add to the story besides a nugget that I couldn't help but throw out off the record, "He manipulated $15,000 worth of free services from me, so no, he's not to be trusted with the public's money." The news story ran that evening on TV and radio involving the reporter demanding answers about the use of the money, and the questions being completely evaded. I did end up watching the new story online (since I canceled my cable because of him - irony...) and it was completely and appropriately destructive to his image. The final shred of trust that most anyone could possibly have in him was gone.

DESTRUCTION: STEP THREE

In December of 2012, I was forwarded his newsletter from a client of mine who was in a panic. The newsletter, which went out to 2,000 of his contacts, contained a complete outline of his entire experience during the year with all the dirty details of his personal and business disasters throughout his life, ending with a reported suicide attempt and the loss of his current residence due to an inability to pay the rent. Since then, he has been hospitalized in the hospital's psych ward.

What struck me was how eager people were to believe his story and even though they were not his friends, they were in traffic-disaster mode - they didn't actually care about him, but they had a British tabloid-style fascination with his endless drama. I understood that because they didn't have firsthand knowledge of how disturbed he is, that it seemed to be real and believable. I just shrugged and said that I didn't know anything about it.

Even though I know what he's doing is a manipulation on a grand scale, there are people out there who will unknowingly step in as supply. But it's not my cause anymore and I can't and won't waste my energy running around saving people from his antics. Since then I've had more clients, friends and members of his own family contacting me for help, all of which I've turned down and explained that I don't want any more to do with his mess. I quite resent the fact that I was exposed to the media blitz and the people I run into on the street, but such is life. Almost a year into it, I never thought I'd still be having to dodge his nonsense. Now that the story has played out according to the predicted script in my head, there is a part of me that feels validated, but the other part just wants never to know another chapter.

I went through the long, dark tunnel and popped out the other side - and I'm the only one that matters now, I'm not selling myself out for anyone who does not respect me. If he wants to commit suicide he will. If he reinvents himself with new supply and manages to eke through life. If he lives until a hundred as a homeless, lonely, bitter man. It is not my responsibility anymore. One thing is sure, these people do not have the emotional ability to succeed in life. Quite the opposite.