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Is Depression and being a Narcissist common?

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#1 May 25 - 11AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

Is Depression and being a Narcissist common?

Just curious as to how many of you have come across your N in depression.Im wondering how a self inflated ego would allow an N to become depressed?

My N is really depressed, his ego is there, not as bad anymore, but its there. His fear to commit is there, and he says its there so he doesn't get hurt. Altho he did treat his ex wife horribly, actually they treated each other horribly.

Anyway, he is not successful and pretty much just gets by, he is also aware he is going nowhere in life. However, still thinks or pretends to think he's gods gift. He fishes for compliments daily. Hes always looking for reassurance.

Im just wondering how depression would allow your ego to continue.

Any insight?

May 26 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

Make SURE You tell your attorney he's a pot user!!! Around kids? Wait... he wouldn't care. His new drug of choice? SEX! UGH..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 26 - 3AM
jenn99 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

depression

depression is part of their disorder, and far wores than just tht...they are in a constant state of chaos, anxiety, fear, etc..they are depressed because of what they aren't and that they aren't as good as they can be and their lives haven't been what they wanted...the more depressed a person is the bigger their ego needs to function because they have such low self esteem...and need constant reassurance, the N being the neediest of that...it's just the false self the super ego the facade...it's what they need to exist because they aren't those things so they need the false reassurance to believe they are...it's pretty basic psychology but with an N....more so...they are in constant states or battle constant states of dysphoria, and need all types of excitement, oddities, things to overcome that.. or those feelings....they are an ongoing bout of tons of emotions all mixed together in a disorder...
May 25 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

frankly...

Yes Leah - I totally agree My exNH would go thru bouts of depression but instead of DOING something about it like an ADULT - it would get taken out on me. They get HIGH out of controlling and hurting and that's how the relieve their depression. As my late-therapist would say - What about YOUR depression? The one that THEY caused? Frankly - after all the damage they cause - who CARES - I have no time for an empathy for these cretins anymore. Let them take care of themselves - and take a big boy pill. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 25 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Amen that

I agree Barbara. My N was diagnosed with Dysthymia, which is a form of depression. He knew that he was depressed, was prescribed medication many different times over the years, would take it, it would work, would start drinking with it, it would make it worse, would quit taking it, would lie about not taking it, on & on. Obviously, he needs medication and therapy. The problem is, he is a narcissist, so he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him. Instead, he would wallow in a depressed funk for weeks on end and try to take everyone down with him. Or he would fly into a rage and constantly pick fights. He LOVES to argue. I don't know who he is arguing with now, it isn't me anymore. I know how you feel and how tempting it is to feel sorry for him in his pain. If he is truly suffering, he will go and get some help.
May 26 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
grossot
grossot's picture

My N loved to argue too. He

My N loved to argue too. He told me once during a good moment that I interrupted ppl too much. Now I'm convinced he wanted me to b self concious of that so he could hear himself correct me more. I swear he loved the sound of his own voice. It was loud and overbearing even when he wasn't yelling. Maybe he had little man's syndrome. His penis is only 6"! Funny how he loves that thing so. I caught him looking at it and shaking all the time! He would kiss it if he could reach it! I noticed his depression mostly after an ego injury ie: me telling others about his affair. Not me finding out about the affairs. nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

May 26 - 6AM (Reply to #13)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

grossot

how funny! since one of my disabilities caused viral damage to my limbic system and hearing I sometimes have symptoms "like" ADD where I interrupt people mid-sentence. exNH says this because I am a "rude pig" lol When I walk away from him he always yells "you are going to listen to me!" When he's done he says did you hear me? My reply "sorry, did you say something?" LOL I never listen. Never. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 26 - 2AM (Reply to #12)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Napoleonic complex

You are too funny! Sounds very familiar. Small man syndrome for sure. They are even more pathetic when they get old. My kids have no respect for him at all. Sad situation.
May 26 - 12AM (Reply to #11)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Depression

Mine suffered depression also. He was very controlling and down right nasty. He is also a recovered addict. I say that with trepidation. He put down his drug of choice many years ago, but he never went to counseling. He is a "dry" addict. He finally went to a psychiatrist early on in our marriage. He treated the anit depressent like any other drug. He kept on increasing the dose, and adding new medicines to enhance the old ones, and then he was put on a drug that is used in the army to keep soldiers awake and alert for hours and hours at a time. All his meds are over the top in doses. His psychiatrist told him he could not raise doses anymore because they were toxic to his liver. He still suffers depression, and now he smokes pot regularly. This was an issue in our marriage. I was always attracted to the fact that he had been recovered for many years. My sister is a recovered heroin addict, and it had been a decade of hell with her addiction. Multiple rehabs, 3 suicide attempts, detoxes in the house, and unbelievable craziness. My STBX NH knew of my background when we married, new that I did not want any drugs in my life, but once we were married, he started with all the perscription drugs and started smoking pot. I know that you can't control an addict, and I set up a rule that he was going to do whatever he wants but not in our house, and not around the children. I was then blamed for being no fun, controlling, and a nag becasue I wouldn't let him smoke in the house around children, and because I wouldn't smoke with him. He knew the hell my family had experienced with my sister and how much deep pain I carried inside of me in regards to addiction. But he introduced drugs into our house after we were married, and then procceeded to blame me for bringing him down and being no fun. Now his GF loves to smoke with him, and also supplies him with his drug. Great, what a winner. I think many of them suffer depression, but you know what? I don't really care. I have no sympathy. There are many good people who suffer clinical depression, seek treatment, and try to live good lives despite depression. I don't think these men deserve our support. I think they get depressed at moments when they feel they are not in control. THey feel it when they don't have their "supply" and they will cling onto anyone and use anyone for their fix. We need to focus on ourselves. THey are adults, let them focus on themselves.
May 25 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

=0

Amen sister
May 25 - 12PM
Elena
Elena's picture

Depression? Absolutely!

The narcissist does experience waves of depression. One of the reasons why is - the "Grandiosity Gap", this is the gap between who they have made themselves believe they are (false self), and who they really are (true self). The gap between their false self, and their real accomplishments not matching; this generates depression. And this is one of the reasons why they become pathological liars too, to bridge that gap. They make things up to sustain the false story about themselves they have put out there in the world. The greater the gap, the more they need to lie to sustain it. And it turns into a big web of lies. Once you catch them in their lies, you discover more lies, and eventually you discover a big web that they have built to sustain their fake self. They also become depressed when they are deficient or lacking narcissistic supply (adoration, admiration, attention, etc.), this is their drug. And like a drug addict, when the drug is not there, they experience withdrawals, in the form of depression. Excessive admiration (their drug) helps in sustaining the very fragile false self they have invented. Their false self is so fragile because it's not real, it's fabricated by them. So the lack of adoration and admiration generates depression, as it weakens the false self they have invented, it takes away what sustains it. This is also why they can't take criticism, because it threatens their invented image, it tells them they are not the perfect gods they believe they are. So with that said, they really don't love themselves, they are in love with their false self they invented, so if what sustains that fake love dynamic goes away, reactions are generated, and depression is one of them. They also get depressed as they age, because obviously they loose their charm and looks, which was one of their key tools for acquiring their eternal pursuit of narcissistic supply. And the more they age, the more they see their grandiosity gap. They see that what they believed they would become, did not happen, and this is depressing.
May 25 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

their brains are messed up

Elena "Grandiosity Gap", this is the gap between who they have made themselves believe they are (false self), and who they really are (true self). You're too smart for the Vakninese psychobabble. http://narcissism-support.blogspot.com/2009/03/sam-vakin-diagnosed-psychopath.html There is no Grandiosity Gap - there's a deficiency in their REALITY TABLES. They are SICK. period!
May 25 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Bull***p

That sounds like some tripe directly from the mouth of Vaknin the psychopath. http://www.enpsychopedia.org/index.php/Sam_Vaknin It's BALONEY. Who cares if they are depressed? They sure aren't and we shouldn't be either! http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/narcissistic-personality-disorder.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 25 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Barbara

I completly agree with you. My N is also very deppresed at times. But you know what so am I. So I say wah wah. Let his mother rock him. I am more concerned with the depression my children may experiance later in life when they realize their father is a heartless pig who isn't capable of unconditional love. I say if he is depressed it is because he should be. It must truly suck to be dispicable. sorry. I'm a little angry today.
May 25 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Elena
Elena's picture

Very real....

Regarding the waves of depression, I saw this very real in my ex-narcissist's life. I could perceive the depression on a regular basis through the years. And I always wondered why, and I tried to be uplifting to him throughout our marriage, but it was like trying to fill a bottomless pit. No matter how much I tried to encourage him, it never seemed to be enough. Sometimes he would act like he was better than other times, but generally it was like a wave - ups and downs. One time he told me - "I am getting close to my 40s and look what I have accomplished, not what I was expecting.
May 25 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

depressed

Oh boy - these discussions sure trigger a lot of memories with my ex. Early in our relationship, I made yet another mistake of commenting to him after an argument that he just seemed down and depressed. He was MORTIFIED, and quite insulted that I "labeled" him like this. I was commenting out of concern, he completely over-reacted. Man, I knew it back then too that this was really odd, but there was always the nice behavior the kept reeling me back. He had me trained (gag!)pretty well after a while to where I would never think of sticking another label on him...uuugghhh!!! These men are like terrorists. Always keeping you in fear = control!