Dear Narc..I will finally surrender to my personality disorder

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#1 Oct 9 - 11PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Dear Narc..I will finally surrender to my personality disorder

You leave a dysfunctional relationship where you claimed your wife is literally taking plates off your car to keep you “trapped” at home, and now that I know what I know, can’t say I blame her, but I have the personality disorder

You portrayed her as insane but knowing what I know about you and actually speaking to her, she seems pretty rational…but I have the personality disorder

You sign away your testicles in a divorce stipulation $1,400 per month you clearly could not afford to pay and certainly you should pay child support a fair and reasonable amount but you sabotage any opportunity to come to an agreement which is probably why she went for the jugular – hats off to her! But I have the personality disorder

You come here with the clothes on your back after your shit was held hostage in a car for months that she (and now I love her for it) refused to release – we go out, I spend money I don’t have trying to help you get back on your feet as a friend but I have the personality disorder – on that note, maybe I did for a brief moment.

Every Christmas you spend it with your ex-wife under the guise of “seeing your child” and you come back and report how vile she is but I have the personality disorder please heed your own catchy slogan: There are no victims, only willing participants and yes, I am a victim because you did not disclose what you really are therefore, I was unwilling.

Every Valentines Day – it’s a last minute whatever pos gift you can throw together – one time a FIVE DOLLAR lotion set from the discount store but I have the personality disorder you cheap bastard!

I don’t remember a Birthday gift or a Christmas Gift – dinner doesn’t count, people have to eat…nothing special there but I guess it was my personality disorder that made me hungry!...

You lived your life in chaos, even when there was someone that had your back – only asked for a semblance of predictability when it came to any financial agreements we may have had - wasted money on parking tickets worth more than your car, got pissed when I called you on stupid things like that, took me for granted…but I guess its because…I have the personality disorder…

You followed pattern you did with your WIFE, calling the FB bitch when you were “going to meetings” but alas, woe is me…I have a personality disorder

Every Wednesday when you were off, instead of planning for quality time, which I clearly asked for, wasn’t passive aggressive – but communicated what my needs were, they were too high of an expectation and therefore, I have a personality disorder

I had expectations! Clearly I have a personality disorder

You would stay up late – I didn’t start that trend, until 2am, many times in the living room so when I decided to get hooked on FB to at least feel less lonely, rather than CHEAT, I have the personality disorder

It’s come out in the rinse that you were trolling all over the complex; my personality disordered judgment caused me to make a foolish mistake by even paying you and your sob stories mind – that truly was a personality disorder

You trolled on FB, weaving tales of woe, lying, using people for their sympathies, creating an entirely new persona and yet, I have the personality disorder

By the way, you are looking like shit, take care of yourself for crying out loud…somehow, my personality disorder has forced me to at least look presentable.

You were emotionally unavailable, to the extent that you did not even offer comfort during one of my darkest moments but I have the personality disorder?

You now see me as a pill popping alcoholic – I’d argue projection, it’s what narcissists do but I have the personality disorder – I don’t take pills and an occasional glass of wine does not an alcoholic make.

You run to your friends in NA for diagnostic advice and they all agree – I have a personality disorder Pffft!

There have been no complaints of voids, or darkness on my end – but I highly suspect yours are pure bullshit, just an excuse, as I am certain you’re on to your next victim because you cannot stand to be alone but I have the personality disorder-please note you no longer have to wear the mask of dark despair because I’m enjoying my freedom without you! In all my personality disordered glory! SANS anti-depressants!

I discover a highly suggestive text message in your phone of at minimal a bi-sexual relationship with another man, and instead of explaining you think you should punch me in the face but I have the personality disorder

That same evening, you ask me if I’m high which you know I don’t do drugs and actually looking back, it seemed you were on something but I have the personality disorder

You would come home from work nearly ten o’clock at night, and expect dinner and a smile…DAY IN AND DAY OUT, hardly called from work just to say hello, just wanted to sit there and watch a fucking ballgame, never put in effort to plan anything for us, take initiative, show on some level you gave a fuck…but I guess that is why I’m labeled needy…there was no courtship ever, you just steamrolled up in my life one day but I guess all of this was done because I have a personality disorder. Actually, now that I think of it, I’ll take some blame for feeling sympathy and have learned NEVER to think you can have a relationship for someone you feel sorry for.

You said we should go to church and get counseling then you go AWOL, but again, I have the personality disorder

You talk about the need to “forgive” yourself, yet you never even thought about serious amends to me…guess that’s just one of my high maintenance expectations…albeit a true symptom of a personality disorder.

You acted like you’re so upset because you made one call when I was on vacation when you couldn’t find me, play it real good too…then do not return phone calls all because…wait let me guess – I’m the abnormal one here, I have a personality disorder.

You speak in riddles and in tongues, can’t stick with the fucking truth, let alone answer a fucking question but of course dear king…I have a personality disorder

Looking at the statistics now that the fog has cleared, NONE of your exes want ANYTHING to do with you, nor do your children – WE ALL HAVE PERSONALITY DISORDERS

You were planning to be this big party promoter, allegedly hanging at WTB to get to know the DJ, even going to manage a group, yes, in my Personality disordered state, I was listening and guess what, I could have gotten you an appointment with the DJ easy, I know at least four people that know him personally – although I suspected B.S. because if I recall correctly, he did your wedding? Oh, sorry I’m sure you never said that…damn that pervasive personality disorder

ANYHOO, the Don Juan Casanova Brokeback Mountain gig is up. In my personality disordered thinking, at some point, I thought you were human and had emotions and were at least man enough to come to the table to make amends and provide some form of closure-you did neither and I guess it provided some sense of power or ego boost in fact, this latest diatribe from me may very well be a cause of spontaneous premature ejaculation. This personality disordered individual is creating her own closure in this post. Fuck You!

To abuse me the way you tried psychologically labeling me personality disordered for your bad behavior – not cool, and certainly shows you have a dead soul because at the very least, personality disordered or not, depressed or not, I had your back when you were shit out of luck – something you conveniently forget as you waltz through life donning your mask. And please note, I don’t think your buds, given their “stellar” backgrounds are qualified to diagnose. Just cause you deal with drugs, don’t mean you’re a physician! That’s like saying cause I’m in a garage I’m a car…but again, I surrender! I have a personality disorder

I am finally at peace with all of it, I have dreams with you now, but in them, you are strung out on crack. I guess that’s how I see you now, unreal, a lowlife, lackluster – and it hurts to know that the person I thought I knew never existed – but I know I exist and that is all I have to worry about. AND I know I’m not personality disordered just one pissed off bitch but for good reason…only a true Narcissist would try to convince me otherwise. It falls in line with their projection, gas lighting and crazy making behavior. And my personality disorder allows me to weed out all the B.S.

I would say have a nice life, but I am convinced, you’d never know the difference anyway – those who lack emotions can’t really feel anything a blessing and a curse. The best I can do is pray for your soul but even then I’m not sure how much good it would do, nonetheless, because my personality disorder causes me to feel empathy, I will continue to pray for you as well as hope we never cross paths again.

I’m sending you blessings anyway it’s a side effect of my personality disorder, and knowing that I can actually dust this off my shoulder and be happy is perhaps the greatest revenge I can take against you. Stew in your envy until the “God of your understanding” grants you some mercy.

BTW…pay your fucking parking tickets, the way you’re living, you may have to live in your car one day!

Oct 10 - 6PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

whew... i'm so relieved that

whew... i'm so relieved that you FINALLY have come to terms with your disorder.
Oct 10 - 2PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

And you know

if you gave this to him he'd probably just go "I'm SO glad you see that it's you with the problem now!" Yeah you got a problem alright, an ex who's a wanker!
Oct 10 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I've often wondered what

I've often wondered what kind of hits we'd get if we named the new forum "Surviving Wanks and Losers". I bet we'd go right to the top of the Google searches.
Oct 10 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

OMG!!! I LOVE IT!!! Rock on

OMG!!! I LOVE IT!!! Rock on in that PERSONALITY DISORDER Michelle!! When I grow up, I want a personality disorder just like yours :) :D This is a fricken anti-Narc Manifesto. I think we need to put this one somewhere o mods and admin ladies?
Oct 10 - 1PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

So...

how do you feel now that you got this out?
Oct 10 - 10AM
betty2020
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You shout it out girl!!!!!

You shout it out girl!!!!! Way to go Michele... xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Oct 10 - 8AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Michele

Wow, I'll say it again....you effin rock, girlfriend! This is amazing. You truly have a gift for writing. I'm so glad you're "Getting it Out" and sharing it with us. You are so inspiring! xoxo
Oct 10 - 8AM
Sherbear
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Brokeback Mountain!!

Michelle, This is freaking amazing!! Good for you and I can feel your strength! You give me strength! Thanks!
Oct 10 - 7AM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Michele,

Michele, this is a great letter! Does it feel better to get this out? You sound really strong and I wish you every happiness for the rest of your life. I love the Don Juan Casanova Brokeback Mountain line . . . you have a gift!