Day one no contact...half way through and struggling

I need some support please. I've been dating a narcissist for 5 months. I didnt know he was at first, but i started reading to try and figure out his seemingly controlling behaviour. I caught him out lying very early on and stupidly i carried on seeing him. It was always casual but he always told me he wasn't seeing anyone else, however he refused to come of the dating site where we met. Because of this and my other doubts i would end it pretty much every week, to the point of making myself look like a complete joke. I just couldn't stay away. I kept going back and kept accepting less and less respect and less and less of a relationship.

I called him on his behaviour several times but he would always turn it around, and i showered him with affection, which he then would describe as 'obsessive'. But even though he seemed to have concerns for my mental health! he still came round, for sex.

I feel disgusted with myself that i have allowed someone to treat me this way, i've been so confused. his last message to me was that i need to chill and he will contact me. that was yesterday, After i had just sent about 10 messages over explaining what the problems are and how i know he lies etc.

I feel like he has lost interest as he has been ignoring me lately, but when i try to ask him if he's finishing with me he always says no...when i said he just isn't into me, he said 'no thats not true' but then last week he said he was going to carry on sleeping with me, then a minute later said he wasnt.

I've been so confused over all this for months, i know he likes to be in control of everything but it feels horrible that im thinking he has met someone else and doesnt want to see me anymore...i know how crazy that sounds too...why should i want to see him right?

Do you think he has discarded me but just wont tell me? If i go no contact now, will he just think im sitting here waiting for him to call/text?

I ususally cant bear the silence when he ignores me and i text like mad, apologising for things that arent my fault (like seeing him on the dating site constantly)
but i cant stand it any longer...i am struggling to even get through one day of no contact, but i just keep thinking that if i contact him and he ignores me, like he did last night because he was prob still angry at me, then that will be worse.

just anything i do lately is wrong, he even stopped talking sexual to me, and if i suggested sex he would stop talking or say he's going to be celibate, whereas before he was more responsive

if he didnt want me, then why not just say so? I practically begged him to say so