Day 4 of NC and going strong! :)

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#1 Nov 4 - 3PM
Feeling weak an...
Feeling weak and lost's picture

Day 4 of NC and going strong! :)

Wow, I never thought I would get to this point. I feel so strong right now. I realize it is only day 4 of NC and for the past 6 months I have not done well at all with the rule but...I feel very strong this time around. I don't even have a desire to think about him.

I do have 1 question though...I read everyone on here saying how their narc is contacting and begging them to come back, why is it mine is not. Is it because he knows I am waiting?

Also, I have scheduled my paramedic state boards for Nov 23rd and I am trying to stay focused on studying. :)

Thanks again for all of the support!!

Nov 4 - 6PM
a65703
a65703's picture

I think your N will try AT

I think your N will try AT LEAST once to get some NS, sympathy, attention from you. That is the predictable part - however, in terms of when, it just depends on when their little N "heart" desires - so what out! You are not in the clear yet.... Keep yourself busy, keep yourself educated (reading & researching about Narcissism) and you'll be OK!! xx
Nov 4 - 4PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, FLW, congrats on

day four! Keep the buzz alive! Keep posting here and getting it out. It helps you get stronger and stay committed to the course. As for your question, first of all try not to wonder about what he's doing or not doing or why. It is immaterial to your healing and to your new life. This is ALL ABOUT YOU NOW, FLW. He's a loser, liar and manipulator and that's all you need to know. But to answer your question, four days of NC is not long at all, especially if your "pattern" was to cave and contact him when he was silent treatmenting you. He is expecting you to repeat the old pattern. Four days is way, way, way too soon for these freaks to pull the hoover maneuver. Believe me he will hoover you. You must be prepared and armed with as much knowledge about this disorder and their textbook behavior as possible. This is the place to be to be free of chaos, pain and abuse and I'm so glad you are here! FLW, initially we all somewhat "wish" they'd call and beg us to come back so we can reject them or at least know we meant something to them. You will never, ever get validation from a disordered one. And the longer into NC you are, the more you learn to dread any contact whatsoever because you know they're toxic and it just brings chaos and confusion into your newfound peace of mind and clarity. Soon you will not care if he'll hoover or not, in fact you will prefer that he stay as far away from you and your new, abuse and chaos free life as possible. Contact always equals pain and confusion, which is why we recomment going No Contact and staying that way. No contact means deleting text messages before reading them, blocking the phone and email, etc. You can ask anyone here and read a lot about what happens when you break NC. Each time you do, the D & D just gets worse. It never, ever gets better. Well, FLW, I hope this helps some. You are doing awesome and I am so proud of you! Stay strong and keep working the steps. You will be so happy that you did. Most sincerely, (determined to never again be) spinning.

spinning

Nov 4 - 4PM
Gaia
Gaia's picture

4 days!

Congrats!! I am on my 22nd day, it can be an up and down ride. Your doing VERY good, stay NC and dont look back. These creatures are predictablly unpredictible. Mine hasnt bothered to contact me either (after 8 years together) they can be cold blooded, and never come around (that is a blessing too), or there are some that just hoover for a time then, after they screw with you.. POOF, disappear again. No matter what , it is all a GAME to them. Dont be surprised he rolls back in your life, say 20 years later. If I was to guess, he probably has new supply and dont need yours anymore ( I am sorry if that sounds harsh) they are SICK SICK SICK. Stay strong, and vent with us when you need. Everyone here is so great and supportive. HUGS, SG
Nov 4 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Mine flew the coop..

Mine flew the coop.. Spinnings too.. 4 days isn't long enough to tell what he will do.. Mine is silent because it's my punishment .. Nothing else will do.. I won't listen to him or feed him.. He knows this .. So silence is my Fate... Its been so long I keep my fingers crossed that he's gone.. Hunter
Nov 4 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Gaia
Gaia's picture

Hunter

How long have you been NC? Your so strong, so is everyone here. I think my XN is the same, silence is my punishment. He D&D me back in 2004 , and was silent for 9 months, then I went back crying for him (bad mistake), so I know this worm is good at "silence is my weapon". Good! More time for me to heal alone, which I need :) SG
Nov 4 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

It's been a little over a

It's been a little over a year.. He contacted me six months into the ST.. I went ape shit... Said everything I wanted to.. That day is where I came up with the phrase "scrambled eggs" I knew too much by then, he couldnt trick me.,my shining moment.. I laughed at him.. He went nutso... I ended up hanging up on him.. No point in listening to non sense.. He never knew it but I cried my eyes out for a couple of days after that .. But I bounced back quickly.. He makes me sick.. OW,his mother,his dog,, ( the one he adores ) they can have him., Hunter
Nov 4 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Gaia
Gaia's picture

OW, his mommy, his cat

or his pathetic therapist whom he seduced, or his co-workers he fools..can all have him! Congrats on your year of freedom!! They hate being laughed at..huh Hunter? LOL! I wish I had my shiny moment of telling him off in the end, but I am sure they dont even listen to any of it anyways. I just looked him in the face , and said " Maybe when you get years of psychotherapy, you MIGHT be a wonderful person." Now I just vent here, or anywhere I can. Sometimes, I walk around talking to myself. :D I admire all the strong people on this forum, you truly all are my inspiration! XXOO SG
Nov 4 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Walk around talking to

Walk around talking to yourself.. Hahaha.. I still do that,, Assholes.. Hunter