Day 3 of NC - Hardest day yet

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#1 Jul 10 - 8AM

Happy1

Day 3 of NC - Hardest day yet

Day 3 for me with NC.
My N told the other boater people that we were no longer together. The very nice couple we boat with wrote me last night and told me. That made it so final that he's telling everyone that I'm a broken shell again. He's so cold! He's so cruel! He was cheating on me and yet he turns it around that he's pissed I looked at his Iphone! I feel so bad today because it's the weekend and I know he's taking the boat out all weekend like we always did and having a blast without me. I'm not a thought. I'm nothing to him. He as made NC and I feel so ashamed to miss him. I won't contact him but crap I'm at the end of my rope.
The nice couple that has been researching Narcissism since I told them what he was said some very nice things to me yesterday. She said that she thought he was very strange and quiet and didn't know what to make of him or how to take or read him when they first met him. Then she said I came along and it was like 'this is a great couple'. How fun! She said I'm what made us fun. I wish I could see what she sees. So she is a very sweet lady and she already is trying to set me up with a policeman from IN. He befriended me on facebook. I'm not ready to jump like that when I know I will compare everything to my N. Plus, I have a fear of N's now. She said she has known him for 7 years and he's golden. They're very nice for trying to help me. They don't understand the addiction I have to my N. But I know I don't want him back.

#2 Jul 10 - 2PM

Happy1

I'm supposed to be at the IN

I'm supposed to be at the IN air show on the boat with him and boys right now and I'm not. I feel like crap because he's there right now with his son. I'm having such a hard afternoon. I am having such a hard time with this. I can't stand it. I can't stand the pain.

#3 Jul 10 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

wholeagain

Yes...

you can Sad1, and you will. You are there, with *your* son, who needs you. One minute at a time.

#4 Jul 10 - 3PM (Reply to #25)

Happy1

I feel like an empty shell.

I feel like an empty shell. I have no happiness in me. Nothing I want in life right now. Complete misery. Trying so hard to not think of my N having a great time at the air show right now without me.

#5 Jul 10 - 9AM

wholeagain

Keep going...

You're doing great Sad1, this is so hard I know but just like any addiction you have to tough it through withdrawal. The comment from your friend is interesting isn't it? You were the fun in the relationship...so when you think about him having a blast out there, he may not be having such a blast. He's exposed without you to help him look normal. I agree with AwayFromHim's suggestion to be very careful about bringing others into the Narc conversation. I made a few mistakes there at first but then like AFH went completely silent while the ExN raved like a freakin' lunatic, going back and forth between putting me on a pedestal and shoving me off. I am so, so glad I kept quiet as in the long run the N will show his colors all by himself. A minute at a time...is there anything you can do today to take care of yourself and your son?

#6 Jul 10 - 10AM (Reply to #18)

Happy1

I get my son in a few hours

I get my son in a few hours and I can't stop crying today. I don't know what to do. I'm so low. I miss my N.

#7 Jul 10 - 4PM (Reply to #21)

ewa

I takes time Sad, now you

I takes time Sad, now you think you miss him..then there will come the time when it will happen less and less often. Every time you miss him try to think about all the bad stuff he said or did to you or did to you. For me it works. Today is 11 days of NC 4 me. I have to admit few min today when i was sad, and was thinking about how much i have loved him. But at the moment i feel OK. I felt bad and immediately went to this forum to remind myself what am i dealing with. It is not first i try to be NC, and each try seems to be easier and i am more convinced about my decision. As each contact has finished badly for me. So do not give up Sad, remember each contact with him brings sth bad in result for you. He will not change.So fight for being happy again Sad1!!!

#8 Jul 10 - 4PM (Reply to #22)

Happy1

Thank you ewa! So how does

Thank you ewa! So how does it feel at day 11 compared to day 3? Is it a lot better? Can you tell a difference?

#9 Jul 10 - 11AM (Reply to #20)

Scoop

Its ok to be sad sad1 and

Its ok to be sad sad1 and its ok to show youre feelings infrount of youre son , just tell him mummy is sad because you and narc have decided not to see each other . You will miss him but it does get better , seriously it does , you will get ues to him not being around and those obbsessive thought die down after a while , trust me ... i have been broken up with 6 times from my wank stain narc , you are grieveing ... and grief is terrible but it has definate stages and in time you will recognise that this is just stage one which is denail and you will go into anger, google the stages of grief as i found it really help me , you will find strength that you never knew you had .. keep the anger close to fall back on as it gives you huge strenght .Write down all the horrible things he said to you maybe start to do that tonight and add to it as you remember them , this helps hugely .. im thinking of you today , keep posting as we are all here for you and we will get you through ... prommis xxx

#10 Jul 10 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

almostlydia

stay strong. you don't miss

stay strong. you don't miss your N, you miss the illusion of the love you thought was real. remind yourself of this. I thought i missed mine too but it was the illusion of a relationship, the illusion of love that I missed. Can you live like this for 10 or 20 yrs? NO! That is the reality without any illusions.

almostlydia

#11 Jul 10 - 8AM

awayfromhim

Ns go on a smear campaign

Ns go on a smear campaign during a break-up. It's what comes natural to them. As far as telling others he is a narcissist, I didn't do that. I kept my side of the street clean. He ranted and raved with the kids, neighbors, everyone. I remained silent. I'm so glad I did. I had people in my "camp" so to speak but they were very close family/friends. If this couple is new to knowing you, I suggest being careful about what you say. If it gets back to the N, he can twist and turn it to devalue you. No contact includes not talking to others about him or hearing from others about him. As for the guy on FB, I would steer clear entirely. Regardless if he's "golden". You've been NC for only 3 days and to even remotely get involved with someone else is not a good idea. You need to find out who you are and recover before jumping into something else.

#12 Jul 10 - 8AM

Used

sad 1

congrats on 3 days, it is hard but you are still getting through it keep the faith, you are doing well, you will think thougts and you will feel bad but you are still coming to this board becuse you are strong evereybody on the board is with you, and u may not believe this yet, but one day you will look back and wont know what you ever saw in this piece of slime godblessxx

#13 Jul 10 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

better off

In doing a lot of reading

In doing a lot of reading and research into substance addictions, going into withdrawal is of course very difficult, but expect it really suck through days four and five. Day six will be better. Not great or anything, but better. So don't crack during 3 through 5! Keep telling yourself you are supposed to feel this yucky but it WILL GET BETTER if you stick it out. And as for anecdotal reasons I think this is true, I have noticed that many people seem to say they freak out at day 3 or 4 and talk to the N again. I'm sorry that this happens to fall on the weekend for ya, because that is hard. Of course, the friend is right, YOU were who was fun. He is not out having a blast. He is nothing.

#14 Jul 10 - 11AM (Reply to #15)

Happy1

I hope I can feel better by

I hope I can feel better by day 6. I feel like I'm in such a bad place today. I am just so depressed. I don't feel like moving.

#15 Jul 10 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

James (not verified)

The road less traveled (Not the book)

I believe the road of NC for many is the road less traveled. I believe there are many reasons but the most is cutting a love one out of one's life. Never a easy task in any shape or form. While the physical person isn't there the memories of them still remain. Memories are powerful psychological and emotional stimulation. Much like our triggers are. Think of someone or events and we kind of relive it at that moment in real time. Memories due fade in time but fresher (newer) memories are still raw and alive within us. So that the beginning of NC is in my opinion the hardest in our journey on the road less traveled. Good luck sad1 for this burden of NC one can only carry alone no matter who helps or support us. At times it can be the most lonely road one has to travel. You will make it if it's what you want for we all get what it is we really really need and want. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#16 Jul 10 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

Happy1

Thank you James, This is a

Thank you James, This is a hard journey to take and I want to be strong. I want to get through this and never return to this place again. This is a hard hard day. I want the weekend to be over so bad.

#17 Jul 10 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

Lisa E. Scott

Sad1

You can do this. I know the weekends are hard. I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. Please know you're not alone and we're here for you. You can do this! xoxo

#18 Jul 10 - 1PM (Reply to #13)

Happy1

Thanks Lisa, I appreciate

Thanks Lisa, I appreciate your support. I'm counting the hours for the weekend to end.

#19 Jul 10 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

James (not verified)

You are Welcome

sad1, I too remember how weekend and holidays were in fact harder in the beginning. Our first (the boys and I) 4th of July being that both of my sons and my ex are born in July was like a dream (bad) and saw myself going through the motion then being it and enjoying that day. It's been 3 years of total NC being my ex is no longer a part of our life. I feel bless in this knowing that those with children don't always get this. Co-parenting with an ex that suffer from a personality disorder bring with it it's own challenges and pain. I guess researching how others do it might be of a great help for you. I will tell you that after about 18 to 24 months it did get easier (practicing and living NC) for me and sure it will for you! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#20 Jul 10 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

Happy1

I agree with you. Time is

I agree with you. Time is the factor in getting better and NC. I have to push any positive thoughts out of my head today because my mind is playing games with me. I hate that so much. I hate thinking of him dating others. This is my biggest mind game on myself of all. Thank you for your support.

#21 Jul 10 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

ewa

Sad1 i suppose he is pretty

Sad1 i suppose he is pretty sure you will contact him very soon. So surprise him and just do not contact him!

#22 Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

Happy1

I'm trying so hard but it's

I'm trying so hard but it's so hard to resist this. I want to contact him so bad it's killing me.

#23 Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

NinjaGirl

No you don't

You want validation. But remember these things: 1. He's been on Match. 2. He owes you money. 3. He told people you guys broke up. 4. He's ignored you or made disparaging remarks about you. Do you want this cycle to repeat endlessly, or do you want to get over this? You have two choices: 1. Call him, possibly be ignored or humiliated, or at best, have a temporary "bandaid" put on your emotional wounds. Know he's still looking elsewhere for other women. 2. Endure the pain, no matter how hard it is, and be strong for yourself and your son, and eventually get THROUGH this and be healthy again. Last night I was feeling really sad and bummed about mine, but I didn't call him. I endured the pain, told myself it would get better, and this morning it did get better. If you want the true happiness at the end (which doesn't come from him, by the way), you have to be willing to endure the pain. Take your boy and go see a movie or go to a pool or just do something. And stop imagining what he's doing. You're creating all these negative scenarios in your head, when in reality you have no idea what's going on. Maybe he's having fun. Maybe he's not. Who cares? Your focus right now should be YOU and your SON. I'm sorry if I sound angry, but I've read a few things here today by a few posters that are making me frustrated. Continuing to contact them, as you can see, only brings misery. You need to reach deep down and find that strength somewhere. If you have to call someone, even a suicide hotline, do it. Just DO NOT contact your N. YOU WILL NOT GET WHAT YOU WANT. And with that, I have to get ready for the gym. Have you exercised yet today?

#24 Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #11)

Happy1

I needed this. You're

I needed this. You're right. I don't want him. I want the dream and a nice relationship. He doesn't deserve me and I have to keep NC. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I haven't exercised yet but I am going to push to go for a walk soon. Have fun at the gym. 8-)

#25 Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

AnotherPath

Don't do it, you'll feel

Don't do it, you'll feel even worse, you know that. He will enjoy being vile and knowing it's hurting you. You have to go through the process...... it's ok to cry and cry and cry. It will get less. It's ok to be sad. It will get less. You can't go back now, you can't contact him, that door is SHUT for you now. When you get the urge remind yourself gently....... "oh yes, I just CAN NOT do that. That decision is gone now.

Ending the dance

#26 Jul 10 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

Happy1

You are right. It's just

You are right. It's just the urge is very strong and I miss him. I know I can't

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