Day 12 NC... Man oh man... Detoxing is TOUGH...

Feeling physically ill today… I feel so fooling posting, posting, posting… There is so much more in life to be concerned with… This detox from the NARC feels like a drug addiction. It has been 12 days NC. I have moments of enormous strength and conviction, and them moments of sadness, anger and CD. Here I am in a world of paralysis, pain and confusion and that mother fucker just rolls off into the sunset unscathed. His heart isn’t aching. His final blow telling me his wife wants him back (not) and the NEW woman he just started dating WANTS MORE was enough to make me puke. WTF? Did he think that made him more desirable? As if I’d stick around and FIGHT FOR HIM?
I want this to go away. The physical pain, nausea and sadness.
Karlak posted a list of things her NARC said and did to her… Every single thing she wrote was my NARC to a ‘T’.
As I think back to the very first day the NARC and I reconnected after 20 years (We took my best friend who worked for him for 18 years to her 50th birthday lunch together)…
We met him at a restaurant… He, as usual was ‘fashionably’ late (always has to make an entrance)… He had not seen me in 20 years. He approached me… wrapped his arms around me and said, “Don’t let go…” FUCK…. I should have bolted at that very moment.
In hindsight… rather today… If any man said something like that to me- I would run…

Feeling like a complete fool today. I let this fucking disordered son of a bitch fuck with my life over and over and over for the past 3-1/2 years…

Excuse all of the profanity… Having a bang up day!
FreeMe