Day 10 of NC - but he has me

This coming Tuesday will be four weeks since I (wearing a big diamond engagement ring) discovered my N had set up an account on match.com and had already settled on his next supply source. He denied he had set up the account and said he had just innocently received an email that said this woman may be a match for you. I've endured the most gut-wrenching pain I've ever experienced in these four weeks. However, after telling my sister what happened, she made the following statement, "I never told you, but I've always been concerned by his complete lack of empathy." I googled "lack of empathy" and narcissist came up. So began my odyssey to this website, books, articles, scientific studies, etc. I've been able to throw away every article of clothing he gave me, every card, memento, etc. because I know he is not coming back. He is not going to look at some object I gave him and think, "Gosh, she was the best thing that ever happened to me." They don't think or feel anything about us. One of my N's favorite sayings was, "Next." That should have been a red flag, but that is how N's are. They are on to the next thing and they NEVER look back. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to wrap your head around that fact. What is really warped is that when they are finished with you, they do and say some really horrible things to make sure you are completely broken and trashed. It's like they want to make sure you are dead so you can't come back and bite them in the ----. I am trying to cope by doing the following: 1. As Lisa says, exercise. Lying on the sofa or in bed and replaying the relationship is deadly. Make yourself move. 2. I make a list every morning of things I need to try to do that day: pay a bill, pick up dry cleaning, fill out a job application. Sometimes, I don't get very far down the list, but it makes my mind stay focused and at the end of the day, I feel I've accomplished something. 3. I read what I can find on how to successfuly deal with a narcissist (I'm still involved in a business venture with mine, so I can't have complete NC.) 4. I tell myself over and over that the man I fell in love with NEVER existed. It was a myth of his creation. There's nothing there for us to recapture. It was never real. We were acting in a play that he scripted. 5. Finally, it is hard to fathom right now, but you are going to be a better person when you get to the other side. If you do the work now, chances are you will never be sucked into another N relationship. It's very hard, but the experts say it is well worth the journey. Here's to hoping they are right! I have to believe they are.

Great advice from Betty! You can do this. Happy Day 10 of NC! xoxo

This CD is awful isn't it!? We just want to understand the truth....and nothing makes sense. But, time with NC will eventually reveal the truth! ONly when we are away from the brainwashing and hormones can we see them for what they really are!

Happy this is cognitive Dissonance. You are trying to makes sense of a persons actions and words that you will never draw a rational conclusion. Your brain is trying to decipher two opposing ideas and you have a war waging in your head right now. Their actions and words never match. They change their behaviors as the wind shifts direction. So what you are really asking is ...."does he love you or does he hate you"? I am hoping in on with that hun... The answerer would be neither. Love is an emotion the Narcissist are incapable of experiencing. They only have self love. This makes them first priority in the world. Everyone that falls below that are objects to be used for their personal gains. He false loves you when he needs something from you, he false hates you when you are not giving him what he feels is his god given right to receive. It is not about who you are as a person sweetie. Sadly it has nothing to do with you at all. This makes it more difficult to accept b/c with that knowledge means we have no influence to change them or their behavior. This is a helpless feeling and it hurts to know when the D&D stage has hit it, its final. Their is no return to that idealization phase that we all cherished so much. Although some may get a glimpse of this, it is merely the charade put on by the N due to lost supply and again just personal gain. All the emotions you are having are normal. Confusion being the biggest. Remember the two things i told you that your responsible for today. You can do what ever you want as long as you don't break the two rules. xoxoxo yonly one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Look there is no way you can get it if you are trying to believe that he thinks like a normal person....like you might think. This is the thing to get your head around. They DO NOT think like us. It's all about covering up what a warped twisted mind they have. You have gone ahead in leaps and bounds since I first started talking to you on the board. Stop trying to comprehend what happened. It is totally incomprehensible...that is ALL there is. And we are totally here for you. XOXO