Dateline and the N/Psychopath

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#1 Sep 3 - 9AM
Radiolady
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Dateline and the N/Psychopath

I had one of those really HARD days yesterday...I was pushing the hurt down throughout the day. Then I sat down after my cleaning and studying and just burst into tears...the gut-wrenching,mind tilting, non-stop pain in my heart that just left me wondering when the tears were going to stop. I don't know if I was crying about the reality of his lies....all of them...or maybe it was giving so much of me to him and feeling as though I left part of me back there somewhere. But I felt safe to let it out and cry until my eyes were sore and my nose was stuffed up. And I was safe in the knowledge that I AM NORMAL...and this process is NORMAL.

So, I'm back into my routine of watching Dateline: Real Life Mysteries. Its a new one, about The Mystery on Blood Mountain...this hiker goes out with her dog for a hike in a park in GA, you may remember the story. Well, the guy who killed her was a serial killer and was found guilty, not only in her death, but another woman in FL, for which he got the death penalty, and then for a couple in PA. They are interviewing the author who wrote about this case, he goes into an explanation of the killer as being a complete N! This author went on to describe N as being the primary trait in serial killers. Showed clips of him trying to dazzle the police during interrogation about how brilliant he is...blablahblah (refer to Narc Manual for the rest).

Ok, I'm not looking for drama, or to create what wasn't there, nor am I inferring that the exN is being investigated for some unsolved murders. But I had a couple of neuro flashes of NarcBoy dazzling me with his brilliance at work, how he's teaching the engineers how to do their job, even though he has no formal education in Chemistry. There were those moments when I saw the universe of this serial killer and NarcBoy running parallel, simply in behavior, lingo, affect, and the rage that lies just under the surface...it was the creepiest feeling. I may have seen my exN on a milder side of the N spectrum, but I was struck by the danger of being with someone with this PD. It doesn't get better for him...he spins and spins in his own universe...luring, inspecting and discarding forever. As messed up as I got with him, I think I prefer the pain I'm dealing with rather than being in his psychodrama. I know my pain will end and I will love again. His drama will carry on until the day he dies, and he will never love...ever.

It was a small moment of clarity for me. And relief. That I'm out and safe once again.

RL

Sep 3 - 12PM
Im_always_fine
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My dad...who owned a large

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #15)
Radiolady
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Im always fine

Sep 3 - 11AM
GracefullyFree
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RL & Jenna

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
Im_always_fine
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It was our pastor who threw

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
Radiolady
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It was our pastor who threw

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
onwithmylife
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gracefully free and radio lady

Sep 3 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
Radiolady
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onwithmylife

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Radiolady
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GracefullyFree

Sep 3 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Jenna H
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Isn't that the truth - I was totally rescued in a big way

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Radiolady
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Isn't that the truth - I was totally rescued in a big way

Sep 3 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
GracefullyFree
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Protected

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
Radiolady
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Protected

Sep 3 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
Jenna H
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jail

Sep 3 - 11AM
Jenna H
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Hooray RL!!

Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Radiolady
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Hooray!