DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#1 Mar 22 - 11AM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGH! I AM SO STUPID!!!
I peeked at his FACEBOOK BUSINESS PAGE!!! SO STUPID!
I felt weak this morning and PEAKED!!!
For those who are contemplating "peeking", DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT!!! DAMN IT!!!
I wish to GOD I didn't. I saw that girl posting "likes" to his stupid pictures. Pictures of him which have nothing to do with his business. He is so conceited. He also posted pics of himself with his 13 year old daughter to pull on women's heartstrings...ASSHOLE.
I also saw EX GIRLFRIENDS of his posting, too!!!
I HATE HIM! And I am so angry and hurt!!!

For those of you who don't know the story of the last "assault" my ex narc did to me...Read below.
If you have...Disregard AND SEND ME SOME SUPPORT! I am at work and I own my own business- retail - AND I AM A WRECK!!!
HELP!!! :(

HERE IS THE LATEST STORY:
WHY??? Why the hell is this freak in my mind constantly?
I took him back after the 2nd D&D.
He was hoovering, big time. I was prepared to ignore him, even after sending me 6 dozen roses (yeah, he's smooth), deposited a ton of money in my bank account (very weird)but then he emailed me...
Why are they always one step ahead of us with their words?
Cause they are EVIL!!!
Said he was ready for marriage now (something I have been wanting to hear for 4 years from him!). He said everything in the past months were his fault and took full responsiblity. - one of the doozies was hooking up with someone 20 years his junior (15 yrs younger than me). He's 48. She is 28. Gross.
He was STILL seeing her when he sent me that email! But said he'd end it and that he could never be serious with her, etc...
I said "Fine, call her now, put her on speaker phone and I want to HEAR you ending it!"
He did. Told her he could never be serious with her and reminded her that he encouraged her to date other guys. He told her he was still in love with me and wanted to marry me and that he could never see her again".
I felt icky doing that...Not proud of that.
Anyway, he told me we would buy a ring cause he wanted to prove to me how commited he was. He made an appt with jeweler. Jeweler called me and asked what kind of ring I liked...I was opening my heart to him at this point. I was getting excited.
OK...Then he flew me down to see him (long distance relationship). When I was down there, at dinner, he told me we could look at rings, but HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND DIDN'T WANT TO BUY IT NOW.
REALLY???? WTF????
I understandably went ballistic and nipped it in the bud right there and ended it.
But next day I panicked. I called him and he told me "Its over and I want to "TRY" and move forward with this 28 year old"
I felt like I was gutted right then and there.
He told me he burned all my pictures cause he wanted to remove the stamp hold I had on him. LIAR.
I BEGGED and PLEADED and tried every trick in the book.
Nope. He wasn't budging. He was probably getting off on hearing me belittling myself.
So I sit there. In shock.
What just happened to me??????
He's done this so many times to me, but in different ways.
It gets WORSE with every reunion/discard.
Obviously this young girl is perfect for him cause she took him back after what he told her!!!...PERFECT source at his time of need!!!
This happened almost 3 weeks ago. I am still in shock and I just need support right now. I can't help bit picturing them together in my mind. I am SO ENVIOUS of her because he is wining and dining and wooing her and loving her right now. She has a younger bod and younger skin and yes it's not helping my self-esteem.
I know what will happen in a month or two...He will burn her...But what if he doesn't? I KNOW I have told others here that they'll treat others the same way...But it scares ME today!!!
And it still hurts. :( And I am scared to death of him contacting me again. And I am scared to death of him NOT contacting me!
He is obviously derranged. And I feel like I am right now!!!
I blocked him from every phone and email sent to spam (of course I check my spam...UGH!!! >:-(
Please give me some words of encouragement.
HELP... :( Thanks for listening.

Mar 25 - 10PM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

Same as you, what should i do? he moved on well

After mine went to china school trip i observed that he hadnt log in to fb eversince. I thought and was told the same that perhaps they just couldnt excess to it. And it’s also until today morning i decided to see his FB since after so many days i didnt. Finally all mystery revealed. I saw his friend updated photos with him. One is even him with a good looking girl. I am sad. Truly sad. I dont know he is so happy now. I had never seen him smiling so happy before. Life is never fair. I stay by him regardless of his STD. But now i am left alone just to punish me. Have you ever read about narcissist? He fits perfectly to one. So it’s like all these while their school trip actually could use FB. But i just dont understand why he could just no touch FB AT ALL. I even thought he might be too engaged and happy mixing around with girls thats all, thus no need to use computer to kill time at all. Days ago i was still okay. Now i am weaken upon this random visiting to his FB. I dreamt of him every night lately. It sux. Did i mention he has a leo moon? All the more i know he wont be back to me anymore. He loves and need lots of attention and recognition, which is also the reason why he drop me just lke that. I saw 2 of his pictures singing on stage. Back in my school, my country he has to sing everywhere. Now even overseas he has to sing. He really changed. He isnt the same like last time anymore. I am sad. I dont know why we been through so much but he could just moved on like nothing at all so easily. Tell me what should i do? :’(
Mar 22 - 4PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Ah the old facebook

Ah the old facebook peek-a-roo lol Don't be too hard on yourself. You slipped, now you just pick yourself back up. It's ok. I've done worse with breaking NC, and I picked myself back up. and so will you. And re read your responses from your last post about him hoovering you, dumping you, going back to the 28 year old.... She has him and we all know that means she has NOTHING. In fact, the ONLY thing she has secured with him, is a secured spot for herself on a support forum in the near future.
Mar 22 - 4PM (Reply to #34)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

staying strong78

HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT! Thank you so much!
Mar 22 - 4PM (Reply to #35)
Steph
Steph's picture

Glad u had a laugh:) If a new

Glad u had a laugh:) If a new user signs up with the name "28andNOTfeelingGreat".....we'll know who it is. Not that I wish harm on any woman, I just don't want you concerning yourself about the two of them together.
Mar 22 - 2PM
ewa
ewa's picture

Hi. Am 29 now but was dating

Hi. Am 29 now but was dating the 15 years older N since i was 25, so for 3 years as we have broken up a year ago. One I can assure you, thay don't treat younger women any better. They want to be with younger women just because they want to feel younger, not because of the skin. BTW he has cheated on me with 5 years younger girl then me , but also with 12 years older then me :). This younger girl is a victim..look at this from this point of view. That shouldn't be worring you that he did not buy the ring for you in the end. In fact you should be happy. I think all we need to do is finding the selfrespect. Why would you want to spent your life with somebody who is treating you like sh*t? I don't want to to try to answer the question for you. Fu*k him, you are better then this. And belive me this likes on FB mean nothing. I put likes to my Exes pictures (the once i am friends with) but i do not love them and would never like to be with them again. The thing is that Ns are driving us crazy and we react this way to things other people would not bother with. You know that stress is the main reason for which people are getting sick including cancer? Do you really hate yourself so much to give yourself so much stress because of somebody who is not even worth to look at him? Start to work on yourself, i think this is the only option for people like us. I am sorry if this sounds unfriendly, but belive me i went through the same and i exactly know how you feel. I belive you are a great woman, you just need to see it yourself. Everything will be ok, dont worry. Give it time and do not make my mistake, do not break NC ps. sorry for my English, am not native speaker :)
Mar 22 - 4PM (Reply to #32)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

EWA! :-)

Thank you, EWA, from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how your post helped me realize that age doesn't matter. And I believe you when you say that it makes your ex narc FEEL young to be with someone younger. My ex narc definitely struggles with growing old and his maturity is stunted (obviously). Thank you for explaining the "likes", but I know this younger girl is crazy for him and she looks totally desperate - something I no longer want to look like! I was really struggling if I repulsed him because he went right back to her after he was with me less than 24 hours this last time (when he promised me a ring). I know I shouldn't care, but I was with him for 4.5 years and it does get to me. Thank you for your strength and mature words. That was very giving of you to be so honest and open with me. It shows a lot of strength. Trust me, in no way, shape or form do you sound unfriendly. I never once thought that as I was reading what you wrote. I see a woman helping another out. We need to be here for each other. Thank you so much!!! xoxo PS- I wish these had spell checks on them! Sorry if spelling is bad.
Mar 22 - 2PM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

He WILL most definitely dump

He WILL most definitely dump her. Try to stay strong. It's hard and honestly I am asking myself what I'll do if mine contacts me again (at least my endings were not as bad as yours)
Mar 22 - 1PM
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

o.m.g. this post just scared

o.m.g. this post just scared me straight. any teeny pieces of wishful thinking just vanished cold just now. i saw the potential future of me in your post - and it scares me to know that if i continue the cycle this could happen. not because it's so out there, but because i could totally see my N doing the exact same thing to me. i am sorry you have gone through this. i truly am. stay strong. it's ok if you make a small mistake. just dust yourself off and pick up and move forward. just tell yourself that each little mistake is a tiny step back, but you are taking long strides forward...so that in time you will be so much further along. we need to protect and love ourselves! HUGS!!!
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #26)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Dazed! GOOD!!!!

THANK GOD YOU SAW MY POST!!! YEAH! It helped someone! DO NOT DO IT!!! DO NOT DO IT!!! DO NOT DO IT!!! Do you think they are obsessing about us like we are them? Hell-to-the-no!!! They are too busy licking their own ba*ls, like the dogs they are. FUCK THEM!!! (excuse my language...but fuck them!)
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #29)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

TLSM - my N cheated on me

TLSM - my N cheated on me with a GIRL. She was 21 years old and looked 12. And as naive as they come. My N is 31 yrs old. Today I had a mini breakdown. Your post definitely stopped me from contacting him. But I journaled some and came to the conclusion that there is NOTHING I should be envious of! When I had to walk myself through my thinking, I realized that I should not be envious of his relationship with her or any other woman - regardless of whether they seem good or bad. The seemingly good ones were the ones where he just used the woman. The bad ones are the ones where he stuck around with them long enough for them to find out about his true character. In the end, I ended up being the longest relationship he's ever had - and I got burned badly. And I cannot be envious of these other so-called "relationships." Second, to be envious means that I want his attention. I want him to approve of me. Um, WHY IN THE WORLD would I want the approval of a man who 1. has no friends, 2. resorts to using young women as a means of self-validation, 3. has severe character flaws...HE loses. Not us! And from the sound of your post, you definitely do not lose. You have friends. I mean you were at a friend's birthday party and he was there sulking. Sounds like a loser who is not worthy of you at all! They are dogs. The shame of going back to a "dog" is keeping me away. And yes! Thank you for the post! He sounds exactly like my N so I saw a reflection of myself in your post and got scared straight!! Hang in there!!! xo.
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #28)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

TLSM

Now you're Talking! Have an Ideal afternoon!
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
miloka
miloka's picture

LOL...you made me laugh....I

LOL...you made me laugh....I too was thinking of going to his facebook and was awakened by this... Thanks for the laughter and the truth
Mar 22 - 12PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TLSM

FIRST...stop casting negativity into the universe. What you put out there bounces right back. YOU are NOT stupid... Human...YES...going through a breakup...yes...okay...forgive yourself. You peeked at his FACEBOOK BUSINESS PAGE!!! SO HUMAN! Human this morning and PEAKED!!! For those who are contemplating "peeking", DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT!!! TRUST ME!!! God help me. *I had this compulsion to revise your first few lines, I hope you forgive me... I saw that girl posting "likes" to his stupid pictures. (HIS pictures CAN be stupid in this case) Pictures of him which have nothing to do with his business. He is so conceited. He also posted pics of himself with his 13 year old daughter to pull on women's heartstrings...ASSHOLE. (He can be an ASSHOLE) on our quest for positive thinking...and self esteem raising... I HATE HIM! And I am so angry and hurt!!! AND I am happy that you are feeling your feelings... TLSM...the guy is a jerk bar none...if you read more about Narcissism, the more you read the more this will become a reality for you. When you are able to accept that these guys have no feelings and anyone...ANYBODY including thier mother's have the emotional value of a toaster...some of these intense feelings will dissipate. I sent you some articles, don't know if you read them yet. Listen, as humans we have feelings, it will take some time to get away from these feelings and they are not going to go away overnight. It is a grief process. I find that many of us *myself included* in the throes of desperation and great pain want this to hurrry the hell up and LEAVE already. The fact is...it's going to take time. Start embracing your human side, don't knock yourself and don't blame yourself. AND don't try to take on all the damn issues all at once! All of this co-dependency, empath, whatever talk...don't peek into that RIGHT now...RIGHT now the goal is getting the brain centered. WHEN your brain is centered and you come down some...then you start picking at the other layers. You can be aware of certain things I noted you raised is it abandonment vs. fear of being alone whatever...look we will all get there. RIGHT now this is fresh, you have a business to run...slowly just work on brainwashing yourself back to feeling good about you...facing the reality that his lies were the LIE and that it doesn't matter WHO he's with...nothing YOU could do or not do...he's disordered, he can't attach... Do what you need to do to bring yourself out. I am glad you ranted here today...this is exactly WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING and if you have to do it 100 times a day...that is what you do to GET IT OUT. I am not saying dismiss addressing the core...I am saying take it one step at a time. I hope this helped some...this is what it is right now. Try to stop peeking, you are picking at the scab...start doing things that are positive for you. Positive for you means trying to do things that will not result in pain. Hugs!
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Michele115

How about this...My ACTION was stupid, but human! You're right. I need to take a deep breath and not try and tackle everything at once. That is EXACTLY what I am trying to do because I want to desperately move from the pain ASAP. Doesn't work that way. Don't you wish WE CAN ERASE THEM FROM OUR BRAINS? You know how many times I've wished there was a pill or surgery or AN EXORCISIM to get rid of these beasts? LOL I could "sage" myself. Or I could jump on Dwayne Johnson bones(The Rock)! That would help me, ALOT! JK Thanks again, Michele!!! XOXO
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #24)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TLSM

By the way..yes, the corrections you made on the statements....exactly my dear... We give ourselves permission to be human... Hugs...
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #12)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TLSM

I remember those days VERY VERY well...but I can assure you in fact you got it here in writing... IT will pass and you will feel so much better and when you do the work, you will feel empowered and you will learn so much about you and you will in a weird way in hindsight kinda be happy something shook you to grow and stretch. AND you will be liberated... AND if you are really honest with yourself and take time... I am pretty confident, it won't ever happen again because you will OWN you... Hugs!
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Michele115 (((HUGS)))

You are a very wise and giving soul. Bless you for your insight, wisdom and support. xoxoxo!
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

michele115

Yes Michele - you are one hell of a woman - someone lost out big time! Your depth, honesty, humility, wisdom and strength is awesome and truly helpful.
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #15)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank you very much...

I really appreciate that...you're helping me grow as I'm learning how to accept compliments gracefully and without "discomfort"...LOL Hugs...
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #16)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Completely agree with finallygotit!

He did blow it, michele115! What a dummy. Is your ex narc hooverer, too? I have a hard time with compliments too... ;-)
Mar 22 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TLSM

Hmmm I don't know if he's a hoover yet...I really did ream his behind and a friend who's a social worker for some reason thinks he's scared of me? He might re-surface...I don't leave anything past him? My mother reported a hoover just a few weeks ago...20 years later! She had no idea...it's all a long story, but i had to give her a crash course. Her words: "Michele, all these years in therapy and they never told me this! Who knew? My God, you were right word for word! I told him don't call me again and do you know..." Now she somewhat understands why I was stuck in the fetal position sucking my thumb for a minute...initially she "forgot" her trauma much less was able to recognize the dynamics which I think would have allowed her to heal. She carried that wound around maybe 15 years? Has never dated again! I of course had the pleasure of watching it as a teenager...she "forgot" and like they say...history repeats itself and sometimes we follow in our mother's footsteps even when we don't want to. Thanks for your kind words... Hugs...
Mar 22 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Compliments

Hard for me too. i have a really cool trainer-coach in my sport and I started critiquing what I did wrong after she complimented me on my improvement so she cut me off and said "just take the compliment!". I wonder why it is so hard for us?
Mar 23 - 12AM (Reply to #22)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Ifinallygotit

That is a good question worth exploring...re: Why it's so hard to take compliments... Hmmmm gotta look into that.
Mar 22 - 11PM (Reply to #18)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

ifinallygotit PARENTS?

Both my parents were horribly criticle of me. That's why its hard for me! I hope and pray and try my very best that I won't be that way to my daughter. Its so damaging.
Mar 23 - 12AM (Reply to #19)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Parents - compliments

Have a crazy Narc mother but she was not critical of me because I was a popular, pretty, talented young girl, that reflected her self image well...she loved that I was so popular with the boys - but you do not really "exist" when you have a Narc mom, its all about her. I had a very nice but absent workaholic dad. He really enjoyed my athletic ability and bragged about me... I think even though I was a successful child, the Narc mom just made me feel unworthy. My opinion did not count, she was over bearing and very scary. I only bonded with my dad. I think I preferred the company of males for a long time and maybe why I have over bonded with my crazy boyfriends - trying to get back to that safe place. I have had very looong relationships with men - can't get out once I get in. I guess this abandonment from xN forces us to look at all our dysfuntion...yikes, its overwhelming..
Mar 23 - 5PM (Reply to #21)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Similar upbringings

My mother was raised by TWO Narcs. I think it really hurt her... she recently talked about how difficult her is to reconcile being pro-life with feeling unwanted. My Narc grandmother saw my mother as an impediment to her career. Now my mother is dealing with the N grandmother's Alzheimer's, histrionics... and my mother is turning to me for help on NPD. I got 4 years' experience on that... a bachelorette's degree, I suppose? My mother also had a stroke, so I think it might've messed with the frontal lobes/amygdala (they are important for empathy) She's said odd things like about whether I was disappointed when I saw my baby nephew in Boston (um,how can one be disappointed with a BABY? BTW-I was disappointed with another Bay State man, but he's an ADULT);I remember how angry she was when I got home after the D&D/graduation. I'd be purposefully avoiding conflicts, she'd be raging at me... and she'd be accusing me of being like her Narc mother. Right after my paternal grandmother died (quite recent), she asked, "Why aren't you ambitious?" My mother has often said how my sister&I make her look good. Talk about a trigger. Now you see why I don't envy the ex-Psych professor's girlfriend when she had his kids. Not at all. My sympathies were for the kids, because I had ZERO for their father. I am closer to my father, but he was frequently absent on business trips. I preferred (and still prefer) hanging out with guys. Incredibly tomboyish, but the ex-P's girlfriend/wife outdid me in that category. To the victor go the spoils. The sad irony is that the ex-P is NOTHING like my father. My father doesn't mind affection;the ex-P practically cowered away when I hugged him at graduation. My father can talk in-depth about things. He's encouraged me.
Mar 23 - 9AM (Reply to #20)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Same here, but....

I was the exact same as you in High School...But my mother was still critical and I felt like she was always competing with me. She was even threatened if her boyfriend would talk to me! (I was in my teens!) SICK She'd criticize my looks CONSTANTLY, but then want me to enter modeling contests. WTF??? I firmly believe she had Borderline Personality Disorder, for many other reasons, too.
Mar 22 - 12PM
Jettebobette
Jettebobette's picture

You are to hard on yourself

I have been NC for 11 days. So I know it's really hard right now. I also had a Narc. that suddenly wanted to get married, I told him NO, it's not going to work. He cryed for like 10 hours, keep saying I am sorry, please don't leave me, I want to change, I'll go to therapy. I have heard it so many times,and it's not true. Just something they say to get you back for another serving of shit. I know it's silly to miss someone you know is bad, but that's the way it is right now, it will get better, just stay strong, give yourself roses, hugs and kisses when you look at yourself. Warm hugs from Jettebobette
Mar 22 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

TLSM

So tell me, what are you missing? Honestly, what would a 48 yr old man have in common with a 28 yr old girl? I'm sure the conversation in very enlightening for the both of them. She is his supply, Get it? Your best bet is to click and delete! I will tell you ,the last time I snipped on my narcs FB he was down one woman! She was the next victim. They churn and burn! Go Back to Work, F&$k that asshole! why let him wreck your day! Hugs Idealk PS stop looking
Mar 22 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

idealk9NYC :-)

Thanks, girl. Thanks for the reminder. His eldest daughter is only 1-2 years younger than her and went to same High School together! LOVELY. All 3 of his poor kids are gonna love that! They are disgusted with him what he did to me. Even his ex wife is too! What a total tard. I know she's his supply and I would tell "me" the same thing if I were another poster here. (AND I HAVE TO OTHERS HERE!). Funny thing happens, though, when it's happening to you (me). All rational thoughts out the window! I HOPE THIS STOPS OTHERS FROM PEEKING!!!! PLEASE DON'T!!! CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT!