Daily recurring nightmare.

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#1 Aug 6 - 10AM
Loie
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Daily recurring nightmare.

So I don't think I can control my subconscious. I would love to though! I have been having this nightmare every.single.morning for the past 19 days and I can't have it any more. I have been nc with the xn since may 21. The nightmare/dream is this:

I am 13 again, the day that I innocently uncovered my father's affair. i was trying to log onto AOL and found a draft email that i open and read that detailed the nice Xmas gifts he was going to give her kids and what excuse he was planning on making to get away from our actual family for the holiday. I relive the whole thing (not surprising, the memory is burned into my brain. It was one of those days that changed my life) and go though the same shock/comprehension/denial/weeping that I went through then. I hear "let it be" playing on the radio as it actually did. I continue reading the email from my father to his mistress, and pause due to crying. When I look back down at the computer, the email has disappeared and it has been replaced with the social media site I discovered the N's affair on. I see the dozens of cutesy comments he made to OW. I read the comment where he told her he loves her and then he is sitting in front of me saying "I don't know what you are talking about" after I ask him what his comments to her mean.

I always wake up at this point, shaking, covered in sweat, and vomit. It really isn't a great way to start my day. I guess it is my brain trying to get the memory out or something, but those memories are so horrible, I don't need them replayed every day. It has been almost 20 yrs since I found my fathers affair, and I'm still dealing with the betrayal. What if 20 yrs from now I'm still dealing with xn's ?! I hate this.

Aug 6 - 1PM
Loie
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I agree with everyone

Aug 7 - 2AM (Reply to #8)
boubou29
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At the beginning of our

Aug 6 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Emotionalroller...
Emotionalrollercoaster's picture

Your dads affair was

Aug 6 - 12PM
boubou29
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Similar story

Aug 6 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Loie
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This!!!

Aug 6 - 12PM
talktothehand
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Loie

Aug 6 - 11AM
Emotionalroller...
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In my opinion, the issue is

Aug 6 - 10AM
Hunter
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I suggest you go the Doctor