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Curled up in the fetal position with court papers, arrest, bailbonds, porn and

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#1 Dec 10 - 1AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Curled up in the fetal position with court papers, arrest, bailbonds, porn and

a lovely card.

Dear XXX,
I just wanted to remind you how greatful I am that you have entered my life........ You have my heart and I hope you never let it go! You can't help it , it's just your nature to be kindand generous and I am just so thankful! I love you already!

I'm sitting here trying to prepare for the court case on Friday and all this shit is upsetting because in his card he writes with(ALL CAPS)< and he underlined "MY HEART" , ""I AM greatful" and "I hope".

This card alone is a red fag! I remember this day, the card was on my pillow when I got home from work. My laundry was done folded perfectly at the bottom of the bed? YES! I remember THINKING THIS IS WEIRD! Oh man, I read the card and it didn't mean much? I felt "eh" he is just really nice looking, Love? No, but he looks good. I called my Mom and I said "I have been seeing this guy for a few months and he washed and folded my undrwear today, he left a card on my pillow written in all caps and he texts in all caps. Is this weird Ma? That seems a little pyschopath huh?" HOLY crap. I remember it so clear. He called later expecting me to be a lil cute thanking him for the card? Mope, never said a thing. He finally asked "did you like my card." I said "Uhm, did you wash my underwear?" he laughed. I was asking that as a serious question.

I am sitting in such pain finding this crap. Oh, I found out her also has an alias, a cute Italian last name, gee, he could hae given us the cute one?. Seems he has another last name. Does this mean we are not married? lol

I am buggin ladies. On the floor with a laptop next to me listening to the I-pod and Narc cards, charges, PFA's and love notes. Ugh, there is a new beast of pain that I have never wanted to feel. I am a hot ass mess. With every card I saw his flags, he was a huge card giver, of course he was, he was nothing else he could be! I need to go cry in bed or something. Did anyone else have this happen? He was another name?

Dec 11 - 8AM
Leah
Leah's picture

Blueeyes, how are you doing today?

We're thinking about you. I know the pain is unbearable. Maybe if you post more about how you feel right now, it'll help...? Realizing that from the beginning, everything he did was a smoke screen or manipulation, is truly horrifying. Come here for support. You'll make it through the pain. You will. We'd love to hear from you. Sending big hugs, Leah
Dec 11 - 7AM
Scotchy71
Scotchy71's picture

Blue

What parasites they really are AND all the same so it would seem....mine went from calling his actions "dispicable" (which they were), to "indiscretion" to now, didn't technically cheat because the relationship he had with ow wasn't "consummated"..because she cut contact, not him. And now I am the reason he cheated - that's how far they'll go to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. I was only ever there for him and hanging on his every occasional email. Unreal. I also found out all the nicknames I had for him, he was using as usernames on other dating websites - nice huh? Your pain is necessary to heal and you WILL....not an easy process but you will find REAL love one day and be appreciated for the angel you truly are. Be strong, we are all with you xxx
Dec 10 - 6PM
Ava
Ava's picture

Blueeyes xx

I'm so sorry you're feeling such pain. Am sending you many, many hugs right now. My exN had an alias in a way; he was Irish & I discovered that he often used the old Gaelic spelling & pronunciation of his name on various documents [even though none of his family used it & he was born under the anglicised version] - as it turned out he'd use it to give the impression of being two different people [different credit, different accounts, harder to track him down etc]. And I gotta say it, that card your N left freaked me out a little - almost word for fu##ing word with some of the cards / letters my exN would leave....and on my pillow too sometimes....including statements like "I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me" and "you've really grabbed a hold of my heart, please never let it go." And within the first couple of weeks of meeting him. And I remember too thinking this is weird and whooah way too much. But friends would tell me he was just being really romantic & he must just be so smitten with me....and that I should see it as sweet. And I ended up brushing the warning feelings aside, or thinking "I can handle it if this gets too weird - its not like I'm super attached to this guy" [ha!] until I'd drowned that inner voice out almost entirely. I've actually started keeping a pile of these letters as I've discovered recently - whenever I'd come across a random one tucked in with a pile of bills or something - that I'm finally starting to really read them in a different light. In between the lines in so many of them they just scream MANIPULATION!! and I'm seeing it now so i've got them as a reminder in case I start slipping back into longing for him again. I've my fingers & toes crossed for you this Friday. And more big hugs xxxoooxx Ava xx

Ava

Dec 10 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Ava

My HP has ASPD to the symptom, he also has NPD. Remember Ted Bundy? My H is able to justify any behavior. He simply doesn't care. He also can't look into the future to plan anything. He can't work, pay a bill, or understand how. He is truly broken. Thanks for the X0 Ava, where have you been? Are you ok?
Dec 10 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
Ava
Ava's picture

Blueeyes

Your HP certainly does sound like he stepped out of the pages of the textbook of psychopathy. [Shiver thinking of Bundy]. Mine was similar with planning, working, paying bills & able to justify almost anything but at the same time he was quite a chickenshit. Yours sounds truly nasty. Truly. I'm doing ok, thanks for asking :) Been trying to focus hard on getting out of my cocoon a bit in preparation for Christmas & had an attempted contact & hoover from exN last week but think I dealt with it ok. Mainly though, where I'm living at the moment my wireless reception drops out for a while now & then so sometimes I simply just can't get on here :) More hugs xxo Ava xx

Ava

Dec 10 - 5PM
Leah
Leah's picture

blueeyes, my ex-N rushed things too; tons of red flags

He & I met online. He bought a ticket to fly across country to visit me, even though he has a teenage daughter, 11 DAYS after we connected online. After only 1 weeks of phone calls. He barely knew me. He visited me at the 6 or 7 week mark of our relationship. Stayed here for almost a week. When he got home, that night on the phone he told me he loved me. Which I reciprocated...even though I wasn't sure how I felt. Then, 1 or 2 weeks after visiting me, he asked me to drop my life here & move out to his coast to live with him. When I told him that IF we worked out, and IF I moved there, I would get my own place. Then he sent me an e-mail with rental prices in his area. !!!!! There were TONS of red flags, and that was ONLY the beginning of the relationship. So I can relate. : ) Sending you hugs, I totally understand how you feel. -Leah
Dec 10 - 3AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

So sorry my friend. I wish I

So sorry my friend. I wish I had words of wisdom but I dont as you can see I am up at 3:15 am my time full of anxiety. I just want this toxicity to leave my body. Im sending you some warms hugs. Ps: Porn? I thought he wasnt into that? Im confused?
Dec 10 - 4AM (Reply to #2)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

Yes Blue

Mine text me a few weeks after we got together saying 'You have my heart, please take care of it and look after it always' not in caps, but almost identical to yours? He also proposed to me on our SECOND date, gave me a set of keys to his house on the THIRD, met his family on the FOURTH, it was all so full on so fast and stupid me was just oh so flattered that this guy was throwing himself at me feet with such an awful reputation as a womaniser. I really fell for it and thought I was THE ONE, he just hadn't found the right woman until he met ME! HMMMM my ego definately got in the way of those red flags :( I was also (in the early stages) thinking it was just gonna be a bit of fun to get me over the last man, who although I quit the relationship cos it wasnt going anywhere, I still loved. Blue, I don't know whether this will help you any, but I'm starting to feel a lot better. The fog really does seem to be clearing a little. A few days ago I was reading things he'd sent me...messages, cards and some photographs he sent. At the time it crushed me, now I think it's cleansed me. Feel your feelings, cry, remember...the bad AND the good, we have to. I remember feeling (just before I met him) that I could never love another man, I was still so broken over the other guy but I DID....ok, I fell for a flipping NARC. I still loved again though and I can do it again :) The guy before him who I really was deeply in love with, has no effect on my feelings now. He even got back in touch when he found out about my assault and although initially my heart skipped a beat, I no longer have that yearning for him...I'm definately over him 100% and I will get over narcy boy too! It's so hard when you are so DOWN to be optimistic and think about a future without him. It will happen though, I know it. You will start to feel better again soon. You have so much to deal with right now, but when you are in a more stable situation, things will start to improve and you will feel more in control again. My thoughts are with you xxx
Dec 10 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Despy and SOI

Thanks for your support. I have been awake for 2 days now. I need to pack for a family vacation where 100 people are going to ask where he is? That I can handle, it's really not their bees wax. I am not ready and I have (his) son so 4 kids. Fun! I will try to ignore the pain, take a shower ect. It just hurts a lot. SOI, you were doing well and now anxiety? I hate them all. Porn? A few DVD's, is that normal for a reg guy? Maybe I didn't know he liked porn? Who knows? I didn't know his alias name either! Freaking me out. Thank you, Despy, I hope all this turns around honey.
Dec 10 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Blue

Stay strong... I ripped every freaking pic, card, and teddy bear the day I kicked him out.... Move forward You know what the guy is...it hurts but time will heal. I am feeling a lot stronger I don't know what came over me. I got engrossed in Psalms 34 thru 38 the other night - not sure if that's your thing but the spiritual helped me alot. Did some Proverbs too. Whatever you need to do to get your spiritual strength up I recommend it highly. You need to get yourself to another plane. You've been surrounded by some very dark energy. I know it sounds all mystical and I'm not an avid chruch goer; however, reading those passages over and over for me I can't believe how much and I prayed and I got lifted. SO - whatever you practice or believe in, get your nose in it. Stop reading you know what you need to know - start getting your nose in what to do to heal. Positive affirmations, inspirational writings...the info on the narcs is good in the beginning - but you have some time now...we started more or less around the same time. Sure, from time to time you might grab an article here or there - I need to do it once in a blue when I start to have "empathy" but at this juncture, the more you immerse in it, the more it will stick to you. This is not to say deny your feelings - I'm not "cured" but I've changed directions in terms of where I want to go. You know enough to know you can anticipate some monkey tricks. NOW that you know that, you can be prepared ahead of time for what your reaction will be. It won't shock you cause you expect it...you know? They only have the power WE give them in OUR minds. Slowly start taking it back. I know you're not obsessed, your hurt, confused all that - I know. What I am doing is trying to suggest that you slowly change course and you will find that slowly it consumes you less and less. He's still in my head he will be there...but it doesn't rule my emotions as much? AND I'm not so cocky to think that I might not have an emotional relapse, but over the past few days, it's been okay. Hugs hon...be good to you. You have beautiful children, you can make a beautiful life. A much more beautiful life than living with a disordered person. You had an angel protect you now you gotta let that higher power continue to do the work. Search within. Seriously, kicking and screaming the lesson was hard? But you were saved of a lifetime of torture and so were your kids. There is so much to live for, so much to share, beautiful teenagers - who can be a pain in the butt but such a beautiful road lies ahead once we get to that good place...that happy place. But it takes work. Seriously Blue you were saved...we don't always understand the why's but in the end - it really is for our own good and you will see how much growth took place. Someone said yesterday and I relate how much they were crying for the amount of GROWTH. This is an opportunity to RE-DEFINE yourself. It might not have happened. See it for what's good even though hard right now. Two years from now or sooner you will wake up one day and not believe how happy and content and at peace you are. BUT all good things, take work.... Big Big Big hugs honey...