Crying tonight because I believed he wanted to change...

He will never CHANGE.... Even If he lied again and denied saying it... YOU KNOW HE DID SAY IT... WHY GO BACK WITH SOMEONE WHO SPOKE TO YOU THIS WAY? IF YOU HAVE TO CRY AND MOURN HIM...DO SO...BUT DONT EVER GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO PUT YOU THRU THIS AGAIN.... YOU ARE TO GOOD FOR THIS CRAP..

I'm reading your post right after questioning myself "what if he didn't lie? What if he really ISN'T seeing another gf?". Thank you - that dick ALWAYS brought up how he loved big boobs when he KNEW it upset me & just like you - he could say anything he wanted & I had to get over it - he actually snuck in a dig while that man was inside me- I thought we were making love but I know better now - & then he kissed me really fast so I couldnt say anything - it still hurts to remember it. Thanks for reminding me that - NO MATTER WHAT - I WAS treated horribly and good riddance to him and his crap. Yesterday I dropped the big Hello Kitty doll he gave me (only thing he ever gave me) at the local hall for some little girl to get for Christmas. Thanks girl, for helping me stay resolved.

We all have wings, they just tried to clip them but we are free. You are safe now and free to heal and learn to fly again, stronger and farther than before. Rest, cry, read, breathe, walk, scream, repeat and be kind to yourself. There's a different journey ahead once the grief/shock/horror of the N subsides -- a journey to understand ourselves more. To rebuild our lives. When we are so low, (and I truly believe this experience takes one deep to our core) it's like a near death experience. Everything looks different; there are new rules and we need guidance to help us understand areas in our lives to work on to heal to move forward on better paths. But for now...rest, sleep. xoxo

I hear you sister. Mine was younger than me as well. He would occasionally make references to may age and it hurt. He could be so loving and tender like he was my love one minute and than the next push me away with the negative comments. They are conflicted. They live with constant conflict. This is why they lie so much. They are continuously playing one against the other. It is so difficult to explain. It is like they are weighing their options at every turn. What is my best next move. Who and what will bring to me optimal results. Its a game. It's like playing chess. There are no real emotions involved just end result. What will net me the best end result so that I am in the winning position. Quite freaky for people who are coming from a place of honesty and emotions to fully grasp. For a brief momment therapy and learning may look good, but such things are generally short lived with the narc. They are coming from a place of self need, self protection, self fullfillment. It is never really about you. This is what is so painful and difficult to grasp, you are not the point in the equation. It is more how you may or may not fit into the equation of what works best for them. He is not intentionally trying to destroy you, this is just a biproduct or his insatiable need to be the center of attention and the king of his own world and destiny. Rather heady stuff to wrap your brain around when you are in the eye of the storm. And when you know longer serve a purpose to their grand scheme, they are comfortably able to discard you like yesterday's trash. Once this happens you will speak with them and it will be as though you never shared an intimate momment a day in your life; because you did not, it was all an act and they just grew weary of keeping up the pretense. They are not right upstairs, they are not wired properly and anyone who comes into their lives and path is going to feel the effects of this sad pathetic dysfunction. Like Hunter says, if it were easy we would no be here. This is often overwhelming stuff to grasp and accept. We gave our very best. We loved with all we had to give. We went that extra mile. And still, it was not good enough to secure the prize. Wow, what more could I have done? Nothing, you gave it your all and he was just not capable of giving in return. I know this sound simple, yet this is exactly what just happened. You gave your all to a spiritually devoid, shell of a man who has nothing to give in return. A vulture if you will, an emotional vampire who's only need and desire is to suck the lifes blood out of you in order to secure supply and remain alive and in the game. Sad as this is, the only way to let go, move on and recover, is to accept all of these facts. You will get better and you will feel better when you can let go of the preditor and allow a more healthy element into your life. God bless, Goldie

None of them are redeemable, none. But you are learning. This is all new for you. Make it a point to go NC and stay NC. Even if he wasn't a narc, he is a jerk in many ways as well. Lies, all lies, and trust me, telling you he knows e needs help, the biggest of lies. So sorry, stay strong!