CPS report. Not Child Abuse.

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#1 Dec 12 - 5PM
ForeverFreedom's picture

CPS report. Not Child Abuse.

Please be mindful that I am 100% sick over this. Please be gentle in your comments, because I'm trying so hard to do what is best for my child, and there is NOT a right answer. When I'm sitting in a room with 3 social workers and we are unable to figure out a way to protect my child from mistreatment: there is no right answer.

If you have a way to reframe this for me, that would be great.


CPS did an investigation.

They do not consider my exhusband's treatment of our child to be child abuse.
It is perfectly legal for him to (mis)treat our child the way he does. Rough treatment with no marks.

His cloak of professional respectability protects him.

I had a meeting with social services (he failed to appear).

At first I felt they treated me harshly, chastising me "this is not child abuse", and telling me that I was emotionally abusing my child, and that I needed to co-parent with the father.


Then, after I spoke up for myself and my child and explained, the tone softened. And they got it. That he is controlling. That I'm there ONLY to protect my child from mistreatment and harm, and this is NOT a play for custody.

BUT, they want me to put my child in private counseling and MY SELF in family counseling with the father -- in this attempt to "let's all get along and co-parent for the sake of the child." NO NO NO NO NO. He is a psychopath. And even when HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE ROOM he manipulated the conversation AGAINST ME, the mother who is 100% devoted to mitigating the harm he does to my child. He breaks my child down, and I patch my child back together. It is constant, and consuming of every aspect of my life. I will not subject myself or my child to a scenario where we are analyzed, pathologized, diagnosed, etc. He apparently successfully convinced the social worker SOMETHING (not 100% sure what) about me: that I was a liar, and my daughter a manipulator.

HE IS MANIPULATIVE in this realm and can skew things in a VERY BAD WAY and leave my child marked for a lifetime because of his Intent to Dominate and Control.

So, we will depend on church, friends, prayer, education. But there is no way that I will risk my child's mental health by handing her over to an environment where child is encouraged to reveal an inner life to a person who will likely hand that information over to the father, who will then have further access to tinker with my child's brain.

This is not about me being fearful or giving him power. THIS IS ABOUT WHAT IS REALISTIC, and what is LIKELY to happen.

CPS did not consider the way he mistreats my child to be ABUSE. Nope. We just have to deal with it.

They can't do a thing about it.

We live in a broken world, and I can not fix it.

This is a marathon and not a sprint.

I am sick over this.
Contact = Pain.

Perhaps the CPS investigation will keep him from doing anything worse.
Child says he's keeping his hands to himself.

I worry that this "pass" that CPS gave him may embolden him to continue his harm.

Here is a prior link that gives some of the history:


Dec 14 - 8AM
bandia's picture

Difficult Situation

Dec 13 - 11AM
terri's picture

very familiar to me

Believe in yourself!

Dec 12 - 5PM
ForeverFreedom's picture

i went back and read goldie's advice on the other thread