Could a non-abuser fast forward someone convincingly?

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 25 - 6PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Could a non-abuser fast forward someone convincingly?

I've been reading a book this evening on Dangerous Relationships..and one of them is beware someone fast-forwarding a new target - this was done to me by my ex narc and seems to be pretty common. i.e. putting someone upon a pedestal. All of which sounds very unhealthy when you think it through.

It did get me to wondering if a non-abuser who simply wants a relationship fast and is not out to hurt anyone could do what narcs do convincingly? BTW, I've been taking my profile offline on the dating sites I've been using. I've decided to just chill a while and take the pressure off, and read my books so I'll be more aware and alert in the future to any red flags.

What do you think?

Apr 26 - 4PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

SG

Great idea getting off dating sites. I know it takes time to recover from this. There's no rush! I'm 4 months out and have no intention on dating in the near future.
Apr 26 - 2AM
CarolKittyGale (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

In my opinion I think you

In my opinion I think you have to look at their past history. Abusers leave a trail of devastation behind them. That is why dating shouldn't be for the fast track it is a learning curve to get to know each other. Think it is fabulous you are taking time out for you and I also think it is essential after something like this. I have been dating myself for the past 15 months and I'm really enjoying this learning curve :-)) Good luck hun.
Apr 25 - 9PM
Steph
Steph's picture

i was going to say no, only

i was going to say no, only an abusive personality would rush things.....but then I read clulessuntilnow's response below and see I am wrong! lol I think it is rare though? And the difference would be that the non abuser is SINCERE in their intentions. They aren't manipulating in order gain something for themselves. I gotta say.....GOOD FOR YOU for taking your online dating profile off and taking a break! That is a huge, healthy thing you are doing for yourself....giving yourself time to heal before seeking another relationship. Good for you! xoxo
Apr 25 - 7PM
cluelessuntilnow
cluelessuntilnow's picture

yes I think a non abuser can

yes I think a non abuser can fast forward convincingly. I posted ages ago that my x told me that he adored and loved me, I was the one, he wanted me to have his baby, that he had never felt this way,etc... and then D&D me HARD. My husband who I have been married to for over 16 years said all the same things and actually meant it and is not an abuser. We got married after being together less than 6 months and have 2 children and no abuse or craziness.
Apr 26 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yep. Clueless both of us met

Yep. Clueless both of us met and married our non narc husbands in the same year. Both of us swept off our feet by completely normal men. I am only now seeing in a new light what a gift it truly was. I think at some point, years down the road we will look back on this and see it as a gift. A gift to know that it wasn't our fault. There was nothing wrong with us and there was nothing we could have done to produce a different outcome. On top of that I got an amazing friendship from it.
Apr 27 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Good to know Gettinbetter

I like this. After nearly 18 years of being a single lady, not dating or even looking for anyone (I think I was previously married to a narc, certainly a pedophile and not willing to expose my kids to any more freaks.). I feel like I was fresh meat on the table, lonely and vulnerable, so when this narc creep came along there I was having been out of the dating loop and having forgotten how bruising it can be.. I loved your comments. I'd like to think somewhere down the road, I might meet someone normal and emotionally available. Now if only I could get that narc creep out of my head once and for all. I probably just have to give it time. I was initially wondering if someone normal came along, if I could FF them. Just musing on my part. In fact, with the men I have met, I've been up front and told them I want a normal courtship. We take things slow and easy getting to know each other. After that, they disappear. Thanks for your kind words.