I have a very dear friend who happens to be a Buddhist ( Nichiren).
She received her Gohonzon recently and she invited me to it, it was quite moving.
I talked with her and I asked her : why is happening this? I KNOW I did the right thing but suddenly this voice tells me that after all I could be more tolerant, that I have been selfish, I start missing stupid details....
She looked me straight in my eyes and she told me:
okay let's talk about this man.
A man who had two failed marriages behind him, and the last with his wife escaping to a woman shelter with three kids. A man whose sister lives with mice and whose parents have been wearing the same sweaters in the last ten years ( yes I forgot to mention you girls these other details). A man who gave you an Easter egg chocolate ring. A man who at 61 yrs old had no working plans for you two living together: or he wanted you to move to US with a 9 yrs old child and taking the chance to lose the custody, or he simply comes in your house and makes you pay for everything.
Can you face another mouth to feed? Because it is as simple as that. everything this "love" is about.
Do you want to know why you are wondering this, you at 42, a strong and young woman who is missing a 61 yrs old piece of crap?
It happens because you don't love yourself. You do not trust your judgement. You listen to that voice that in Buddhism is called " the darkness demons" who is telling you: come on, I know that this man was far from perfect but after all who can possibly want you? Don't you see that your life is a failure and you are failure and everything you touch is a failure? So come on and go back crawling to the only crap who happens to stand you.
I was stunned. It was all so true. I thought to have started loving me, but it not true yet.
Just wanted to share this with you girls.