Contact him to end it on friendlier terms?

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#1 Aug 17 - 4PM
CaminoReal
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Contact him to end it on friendlier terms?

It has been a week with no contact. But, mainly bc HE is not contacting me. He was out of town with gf#1 until 3days ago.

I am afraid that my N is still angry about the things (insults) that I put in an email. From my readings, I understand that He is probably plotting my demise.

I think maybe I should contact him to smooth things out and apologize for some things I said.

What would be worse...waiting for his revenge or contacting him. I can make him think he has won...

Aug 17 - 9PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

And let him be angry dammit!

And let him be angry dammit! If you were angry...because of his mistreatment...so be it! Move on, and let him be angry. You are angry too, and I don't see him apologizing. Eventually, you will not feel this way...as long as you stay NC. I PROMISE YOU. You have to trust me on this. :=) lol
Aug 17 - 9PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

My advice is to make your new

My advice is to make your new goal, indifference. Work towards indifference. Don't concern yourself with him, what he's thinking...what he's doing...what he might do. I did this, for too long. My ex would bait me, I'd worry about if he was mad or not, I extended olive branches, and he'd take those opportunities of opened lines of communication as weakness. And would pounce on me...smash me with insults. Trust me. DO NOT REACH OUT. STAY NC. It is very hard at first. No one will tell you different. But, trust me...it is SOOOO worth it, when you stay NC. Because what happens is. You grow indifferent. You grow stronger. You discover YOU again, without him. You will no longer care what he thinks. I could care less now if my ex is mad, happy, talking about me, or not. Gosh, there was a time when I dare say...I was obsessed with what he was telling others about me. But, no more. I am COMPLETELY NC...I even cut out most of our mutual friends. One called me last week...and I didn't return his calls. You must do whatever it takes to move beyond this man...You can do this. It is hard. But you can do this with God's grace and strength. I'll be praying for you. Without prayer, I'm not sure I'd have made it. (and truthfully, without this website, I'd have been lost too) Stay strong!!
Aug 17 - 9PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

camino real

I wanted for over 2 years to end it like human beings and be civil, because I have never ended any relationship as bad as this, but NO GO, they are so evil and horrible, like my therapist said he was deceitful the whol try to get on with your life, it will never end CIVILLY, ever.....
Aug 17 - 6PM
monilove
monilove's picture

Camino Real - Don't bother!

I cannot tell you how many times I contacted my ex after we have broken up to try to end things on a friendly note. Trust me, it is not possible. Your narc will probably do the same thing to you as mine did to me. Laughed at me like I was weak then he would find even more disgusting names to call me, yell and scream at me and blame me for all his problems. Don't give him the satisfaction of contacting him to "smooth things out". He will only think he still has control and power over you. You will never get the response you are hoping for. PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!! Start working hard on your No Contact and just realize there is really nothing you can do or say to make this person feel or think any differently about you. He will continue to believe he is right about everything and you are wrong about everything! You want to apologize to him?? I'm curious.... Did he ever apologize to you when he was treating you like crap? If he's not contacting you.... leave it be. I seriously doubt he has some sort of revenge planned for you, but if he does, why call him and take a chance of stirring up the pot? Silence is golden... enjoy the silence, the lack of drama and roller coaster ride of emotions. Take Care and best of luck to you Monique
Aug 17 - 5PM
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

Psychopaths love being hated

They love any attention they can get. They are emotional vampires they want to bleed you dry of your energy. They are evil, NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT.
Aug 17 - 5PM
Layla
Layla's picture

I was afraid of mine too because he is an antisocial disordered

...and he abused me in ALL ways possible but guess what? Once NC was established and no emails were exchanged and I changed my phone numbers (even my house phone!) he was quiet as a church mouse.......he KNEW I was serious and I think that SCARES these ABUSING COWARDS! NO CONTACT- Take your power back!!! You CAN do it!
Aug 17 - 5PM
indenial
indenial's picture

ive made that mistake

Several times I've reached out to end things friendly as I would with a normal person and before I know it wham ! I'm drawn back in and convinced he isn't really a psychopath after all ! I'm doing lots of reading tonight and it makes me feel sick. He's left things coldly and by text and I've had that urge today to contact him to smooth things over but it won't end if I do. The game will continue. I've struggled with NC throughout this awful year of his devaluing and discarding of me. I struggled with the concept because I've never had a relationship of any kind end on such cold terms. It isn't in my nature. But I can honestly say and thankfully say I've never come accross one of these disordered types before or at least never been involved or harmed by them. I can see though that NC really is the only way of getting out keeping safe and making it finally end. It is going to take every ounce of strength I have I know that I can't deal with him like a normal person because he doesn't care. He doesn't love. And he never loved me. Please don't contact him. Imm determined not to contact mine but to be fair I have got good at that. However what I'm weak at handling is his hoovering that's what I have to ignore however tempted I am. Going to contact my phone supplier and see how I block him because I know I'm vulnerable. Be strong and listen to the advice given. I've paid the price for not listening too many times now
Aug 17 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

I could have wrote this.

I could have wrote this. This is EXACTLY where I am at right now:( IT is crazy that there are so many of us in this exact same position. It really is remarkable that there are so many Narcs running around out there.
Aug 17 - 5PM
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

NO CONTACT

DOWNLOAD LISA'S BOOK AND WORK THROUGH THE STEPS. IF YOU DON'T SAVE YOUR SANITY NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO DO IT LATER. NARCISSISTS DON'T CARE ABOUT INSULTS THEY ENJOY IT AS THEY ARE FLATTERED THAT YOU CARE ENOUGH TO DO IT. GET AWAY. THEY DO NOT HAVE BRAINS OR SOULS DEVELOPED LIKE THE REST OF US. THEY WORK WITH A REPTILIAN BRAIN. WATCHING YOU DESTROY YOURSELF OVER THEM IS THE BIGGEST THRILL YOU CAN GIVE THEM. IT WOULD BE THE ULLTIMATE FOR HIM TO MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND OR DERAIL YOUR LIFE BECAUSE OF THE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS YOU ARE EXPERIENCING DUE TO YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH HIM. LOOK AFTER YOU. YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK TO THE HONEYMOON PERIOD YOU EXPERIENCED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP. THIS ONLY EXISTED TO LURE YOU AND BEND YOUR MIND INTO THINKING THAT YOU ARE FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED AND IF YOU TRY HARDER THAT YOU CAN GET BACK TO THIS. YOU CAN'T. IT WAS AN ILLUSION TO CREATE YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL DEPENDENCY ON HIM. THEY DRIP FEED YOU LIKE A DRUG. START DETOXING NOW. OR YOU WILL JUST GO ROUND IN CIRCLES. AND THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS REPEATING THE SAME ACTION AGAIN WHILE EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT. GET OUT. NOW.
Aug 17 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
CaminoReal
CaminoReal's picture

Friendlier terms -- HollyAnderson

To HollyAnderson You said it all! He did lure me, He immediately tried to show me that my religious, traditional and political views were Wrong! He would sit across from me and go thru subject after subject to try and get a rise out of me! I was very innocent (sexually), but that changed immediately too. Who am I now? That is the question!
Aug 17 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

DETOX AND RECOVERY

You have been through the ultimate bootcamp. You are going to be AMAZING after this. Listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdrDoLLQSBY&sns=em Download lisa's ebook. and then answer that question. You are basically recovering from a drug addiction.
Aug 17 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Huh? Keep reading!!! NC means

Huh? Keep reading!!! NC means NC you are looking for an excuse to contact him. Don't lie to me! I've been there done that and I'll try ( I won't be successful at first) to stop you from making the same mistakes! What you are missing here is that you are trying to makes sense out of non sense!! They are NOT normal!what type of reaction would you expect out of a corpse ???? That's what you get from this jackass! When dealing with a Narc the closure you are looking for will Never come! More contact = More pain Hunter
Aug 17 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
CaminoReal
CaminoReal's picture

Friendlier terms

Hunter-- You just made me smile! You are so right! I am looking for an excuse to contact him. But, what about him angrily plotting revenge? He may back down after I contact him.
Aug 17 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

CR

Depends on the Narc! Typically they rage but too lazy to do anything! If he makes a move you get a restraint order! Do not give him a reason ! Hunter
Aug 17 - 4PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Smooth things out? Keep in

Smooth things out? Keep in mind, you are dealing with a man that suffers from a personality disorder. There is nothing that needs to be smoothed out. If you reach out to him, he won't "think" he has won (as you say) he WILL have won....... Who cares if he is angry. Did he care about you while he was away with gf #1? Absoluetly not. Do not contact him under any circumstances........
Aug 17 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
CaminoReal
CaminoReal's picture

Friendlier terms

Thanks Sparrow. I understand that he would win---i don't mind . I am mainly concerned with his revenge.