Help for one confused girl??
Hi there ! I think ive discovered today after much confusion , hearache and sadness , what the heck is going on with my , now EX !
I met him 2 yers ago - he was EVERYTHING i wanted in a man, I met him on an internet forum and we hit it off instantly ! at the time , i didnt know he was making plans with a girl in australia to meet up and go on holiday in a years time - I noticed them flirting alot online and questioned it , and he said nothing was going on - they were just flirting when he was single and shes a bit obscessed â€¦. so ok , i dismissed it ! â€¦ Feb on this forum she attacked me for being with him basically ! I had no clue !! He hadnt told her he was seeing me and the plans they made had gone down the drain â€¦ i didnt find this out untill all became revealed and he had told a lie! â€¦..
So when we met online - he was EVERYTHING i envisioned - we chatted he said he wanted kids in the future , what his definition of being in love was , and it was my image too !! â€¦. 2 months down the line , i had already fallen totally inlove with this man - he dropped the bombshell on me that he doesnt think he could see me and him committed because he wouldnt be able to accept my son , its too much , but he loves what we have (Long distance , once a fornight) and could do this forever â€¦. so of course i wasnt happy , i felt reeled in , and as soon as i let my barriers down that he dropped it on me ! â€¦. So of course i hoped he would change down the line , and we could stay as we were for a while - dating â€¦.
He then tells me a month after he has a child which he has never seen , he was tricked into a pregnancy - and he ran whilst preg and this was the reason he couldnt accept my son â€¦. i loved this man unconditionally and accepted what he had told me , even though i didnt agree with what he had done , being a loving mother myself !!! â€¦ i hoped again we could work on these issues , and i suggested counselling ?? He said we will see , and has never bothered , and i dont think has any intention of doing !! â€¦..
his dad also died when he was 13 , he looked after his mother when he died , and she admitted to me new years eve that noone was ever there for him - she was so in love everyone looked after her !! she too said he needed counselling - what is weird though , is she only admits this infront of me ?? I was once there at her house and when i was sat next to him whilst he was worrying about his job , whether he would work abroad - i was 18 motnhs into a relationship with him , and its like i never existed even though i was sat there !!! â€¦ hes there at her every whim - she lives on a â€œbadâ€ estate apparantly , and rings him if there is a fire across the road for example ! hes there in an instant stressed , and even though he has offered her to move into his untill she gets a move she wont !! yet he stayed there for a week the other week and said there was no probs whilst she was away ??? â€¦. also , she never encourages him to pursue a relationship , and i was apparantly â€œthe love of his lifeâ€ â€¦ as soon as theres a bumpin the road , she tells him to be friends with me â€¦.
Anyway , the main traits i had had this year with this background info - he wants a long distance relationships forever and have felt hes dangling me , he cant accept my son - we were bed buddies at some point last year when we broke up for 2 months - when we broke up i started to move on , as soon as i did he told me he was in love with me and wanted to do more stuff with me and my son - quality time - we got back together but still said he couldnt be committed and it was too tough , everytime i defend myself and try to communicate our relationship im told im attacking and battering him - he told me being around my son makes him physically sick - i went through a traumatic experience with my son this year , and he said it was too much to emotionally handle - his little mind cant take it in (sometimes he talks like a baby and hes 37 !!!!) - he continually asks me why is it only me who has a problem with the way he is - and my responce is because your friends are not as intimate as me , and dont expect the same sort of love !! - he responds , oh yeah ! i must be mental then ! your psychology degree is really paying off huh ? I say to him i dont have a degree on HIM! i tell him how I feel and EVERYTHING goes back to him ! and how he feels , â€œthe poor meâ€™sâ€ - i felt totally emotionally isolated â€¦ that is the major stuff of our relationship â€¦
lastly , we broke up 4 weeks ago - because he had arranged to see his friends in scotland without inviting me and keeping it secret for 6 weeks ! I saw his friend counting down on msn , and wondered if he had been making me out to be bad to her for wanting more out the relationship and i hadnt been invited !! I was Hurt ! â€¦. he cried all week when i was asking for the truth , and i think its because he didnt get away with lying , im a bright person !! â€¦ he told me i was attacking again and broke us up â€¦ he said he was taking time out and turning his phone off - my friends said he HAD a new number â€¦ however his walking away lasted a day and he was texting every 24 hours swapping sims it looks like - he still hasnt admitted a new sim card ! he says he wants us to be friends , which i agreed to - and vry hard i might add , because HE keeps constantly telling me to move on when im trying , yet can get nasty and laugh psychotically down the phone at me when i get upset about something or defend myself from his verbalness at times !! he tells me i was a massive part of his life , but he enjoys being on his own more , says i battered him and attacked him for 2 years !! So why does he want me in his life as a friend ?? i tell him im going off doing my own stuff , and he gets defensive and tries to act hes pleased for me - but at the same time acts peed off ! Is he a narcissist?? I have been over and over his selfishness the last 3 weeks and think i may understand now ! I also feel him and his mumâ€™s closeness is almost unhealthy ! â€¦ i always felt second best â€¦ help i dont know what to do anymore regarding contact as he continually says even now the relationship ended coz it wasnt right for him - yet i did everything a GF could ?? love etc and loyalty ??
His mum still does his washing for him as he lives in a flat , and one time she said she had a dream she was dying , and all she could think when she woke up was who will do his washing !!! he also said to me one time when we were talking about our future - when his mam goes it will be a lonely life and it doesnt seem nice being alone â€¦.. he also asked me to move closer to him new years eve â€¦. which i was thrilled about considering his issues !! â€¦ a week later he said well is it a good idea? we may not stay together ?? â€¦. i said to him thanks for the optimism ! â€¦. i got told off for attacking â€¦ again !!! â€¦ lastly the other week , he told me i was obscessed ! even though its him who reads MY social networking sites ! â€¦ when were talking as mates too , he always says to me when we are talking about our previous relationship , that i want to get back together and havent accepted !!! I dont even incline that !! is he enjoying this ? He says things like - i showed you great opportunities such as taking me abroad to concerts (even though i was doing that before i met him) ... compares himself against my Sons father - who was a loser , and tries to convince me how amazing he was compared to him - he also drills into me " when IM working , i will understand how hard it is working a 40 hour week and needed HIS own time at the weekends .... errrr hello ?? i used to do 5am starts as a single mother and also completed a degree as a single mum whilst with him ?? i know what hard work is !! .... is he a narcissist?? I also notice the more i back off the more he is in touch , as a "friend" Thanks - sorry for raving an essay LOL! xxx