Confused: Madonna vs. Whore

I have been eating up the book and listened to a radio show. I am SO grateful to have found this! I truly thought I was nuts! I am just newly out of an 11 year relationship with a Narcissist and didn't know he was one until after I left...actually just 2 weeks ago I started educating myself. I am still really meesed up with the Cognitive Dissonance...I hate it. I am still in the place where I hear 1 thing that doesn't parallel my experiance and I start questioning "is he...". Anyway...the one thing that is throwing up the question marks for me is all I am hearing about the Madonna vs. whore. Unlike what I am hearing...we would have loving sex, then intense, hair grabbing sex...but all consentual. We actually had a great sex life up until the last year. HOWEVER...he did reject, deny, he didn't compliment...MANY of the other things...frankly almost all for the duration of the relationship. SO...I am tripped up when I hear that he would not treat his "significant other" as a sexual being. He never treated me as the Madonna. Any feedback??? I don't need to have things like this giving me any reason to doubt or question.