Like clockwork, contact after 12 weeks, 2 days

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 23 - 9PM
Monica
Monica's picture

Like clockwork, contact after 12 weeks, 2 days

The block had run out on my cell phone. They only "last" for so many months. Sure enough, he texted me from his personal cell phone. In October, he texted me from his work cell phone because I had his personal cell blocked and didn't even know his work cell.

He is obsessed with wanting to find out if I moved a man into my house with me. Why should he care? He has a rich girlfriend to keep him happy. He D&D'd me. Why doesn't he just leave me alone??

I have had enough of this. I had politely told him to never contact me again in any way. He turns angry and mean and accusatory when I politely ask him to respect my request of no contact. His texts are brutal. Last summer, I had to get caller ID on my office phone, and report him to my managers, because he would not stop calling me at work. He finally ceased that, just before they were about to take action against him.

I have records (I forwarded the texts to my email) of all his texts saved. I have the phone records from the cell phone company showing that he is initiating the contact. I have a copy of the letter I sent him politely asking him to not contact me in any way.

After this recent contact (this past weekend) I informed him that I keep copies of all his texts and of the phone records and that I will talk with a detective as I had been advised to previously. He accused me of "blackmail" and said I was just like his ex-wife (a saint in my eyes).

I don't think I would qualify for a restraining order. He has not physically harmed me or threatened harm although there are people concerned for my safety now. My manager at work wants me to write a letter to his boss because 1.) he used his work cell to harass me and 2.) I am a dues paying member of the organization for which he works and this makes it a much more serious situation according to my boss.

I refuse to live my life in fear of his harassment if I can stop it now, once and for all. He is a sick man and must be brought to task. I pay his salary for cripes sake! It isn't fair to me to have to endure this being always in the background of my life.

I just want to live my life in peace. He has to stop.

Jan 24 - 2AM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

You pay his salary Monica?!

You pay his salary Monica?! I'm sorry to read about this situation - their presence, even if in the background, causes daily stress and doesn't allow us to heal effectively. He doesn't leave you alone as he is still getting some form of supply from this situation - it's all about him; an ego boost. His behaviour is still eliciting a response from you. Have you tried complete NC - not responding in any way at all? Are you able to change your mobile number and have a new extension number at work? All responses even the most negative are forms of supply - the narcissist I was with enjoyed altercations - he could feel superior in this situation and blame all on me. At the most basic level interactions with the N are forms of conditioning - they want a response in order to feel they exist we learn to give them one and become addicted to him and responding - if he gets any response he will continue to contact you. I do hope this is resolved soon for you.
Jan 24 - 5AM (Reply to #2)
Monica
Monica's picture

I have gone total contact...key word "I"

I do not contact him. I block him. I have caller ID at work (which I had to install myself). I don't talk about him with anyone. But it is WRONG to allow them to intimidate us like this and disrupt our lives by forcing us to change our phone numbers, move, change jobs, etc. The more I go through this, the more I believe that our constantly living in anxiety of their contacting us is crap. NO means NO. DON'T CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY means just that. And they should not be permitted to keep harassing us. We are enabling them when we do NOTHING if we can do SOMETHING to stop it. If we let them keep coming back every so many weeks or months or years, then they are still enjoying the game no matter what our response is. He is interfering with my life and should be stopped if I can do that. We have professional ties. Should this be allowed to go on in a professional organization? And who else has he/will he do this to? Just ignoring them and hoping they will go away is not always an option, nor should it be, if they don't get the message through OUR no contact. At Christmas, my son mentioned to me that he saw a suspicious vehicle lurking in front of our house both at Thanksgiving and over Christmas when he was home. At Christmas, my son had pulled into the driveway and got out of his car to go see who was idling in front of my house. The driver took off. My son is now concerned enough that he has offered to come home for a bit. I have experienced the same thing, always at night, when I can't see the driver. Last fall, a car like xN's went slowly down my street and very slowly past my house. I could not see the driver. Half an hour later, xN starts calling and texting me from a number I don't recognize after being silent for months. I won't live like this.
Jan 24 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
abreva
abreva's picture

I think I get what you are saying.

I had my lawyers write a letter making it clear that it wouldn't be tolerated. In my case, it was him coming to my house, parking on the street. He got off on the fact that it was a public street and I couldn't "control" him. That letter made a difference. I'm sure every state has a different set of rules. There may be a set of rules that applies to your situation. It will cost you money to hire a lawyer. I expect it will enflame the situation at first. In my case, it was important to me that he stay away from my property. He keeps trying to get me to allow him to drop stuff off at my house. I respond via text or email: "Stay away from my house." I may have to have the lawyers right another letter. But the paper trail will help the police if ever it escalates.
Jan 24 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Monica
Monica's picture

Abreva...thank you...you get it!

I also believe that the letter will make a difference. People who know him well and have known him for many years advise me that it will. I have a lot of support in this...from friends, coworkers, family. Some of them are people who have been his "victims" in the past and were never able to stand up to him. I have proof. I will stand up to him. This will stop. And I, for one, am not afraid. Bring it on if he wants to cause me trouble.
Jan 24 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
midnight7
midnight7's picture

Hi Monica, you say you do not

Hi Monica, you say you do not contact him but your first post states several times that you have personally told him no contact, and written to him regarding this? This is contact and supply. Have you changed home landline/mobile? If yes, how can he call even from a number you don't recognize? If you are at all concerned for your safety - then you must contact the appropriate people for advice immediately. The N I was with was violent on one occasion - something I was not expecting - and I thought my life was in danger. You must seek assistance and if possible get a restraining order if you are at all concerned. I have not been out of the relationship I was in long enough yet but I have heard/read if they do not believe they will get any supply - good or bad - they will not return. I do hope you find some peace soon.
Jan 24 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Monica
Monica's picture

I don't contact him, he contacts ME and I tell him to STOP

I NEVER make "first contact." Ever. NO I have not changed my cell phone number. Why should I?? I have done nothing wrong and I should not have to have my life disrupted (the expense of changing my number then contacting everyone - friends, family, businesses, doctors - to tell them my new number) because of his unwillingness to hear me say NO MORE CONTACT. Just by doing that I am giving him supply! And he will find another way to contact me as he had in the past. The fact that I have told him to stop many times, AND have the text records and letters to prove it, gives me a very nice paper trail of proof if he does not cease and desist. Yes, I block the numbers of his that I am aware of. I do have a plan. It may involve a restraining order. And, no, I am now convinced that, even if I simply do not reply to his contact attempts, he will NEVER leave me be. He will just keep trying different ways to get to me. He will never let this go and those who know him agree with this. I have to make it stop.
Jan 24 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
midnight7
midnight7's picture

Hi Monica, I didn't say you

Hi Monica, I didn't say you made first contact but you do keep responding to him. NC requires no response from us at all. No, you have done nothing wrong - none of us has done anything to deserve the treatment we have received. He is not listening to your requests for no contact however and yes, any response is supply. It took 25 minutes to change my landline/email, buy a new sim ($15), block him from the new contact details, and one email informed almost everyone of the new address/numbers simultaneously. They were also advised not to pass on details. There was zero disruption and minimal inconvenience for total peace of mind. I do not know how long you have had to deal with this and the strain of a situation that seems as if it will never cease is withering and you are quite rightly angry. Great idea to collate evidence it will assist with the legal aspect if you proceed in this direction. I hope your plan is successful and works quickly so you may have the peace of mind you deserve.