Cindylab21's story

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#1 Dec 1 - 10PM

Cindylab21

Cindylab21's story

I am married to a doctor. He is so arrogant and selfish. He throws tantrums. We have 2 sons- 3 and 8 years old. I never know what I'm going to be blamed for. He never speaks to me nicely. Always has a tone. Always angry about something. So many examples- just today in the am told I am colorblind becAuse I couldn't see he had a black belt and he was looking for a brown belt. Or he NEVER has underwear in his drawer. When he got home, first words were -these documents came back because YOU said not to sign certain parts-never mind he read the same instructions. I'm always in trouble. It's so hard. Totally uninvolved with the kids, especially if sports on. When we have company, everyone is expected including kids to be quiet if he has to make a phone call- he can't move to another room. If he falls asleep on the couch, all he'll breaks lose if anyone dares disturb the king. I feel most weekends I have to take the kids out as much as possible because he's just so selfish and can't be bothered. I'm in therapy. Was on anti-depressants, but just stopped 2 weeks ago because I didn't like how I felt. When I had post partum and needed meds, his resposnse was- great- you will never want to have sex again! I could write a book about the selfish behaviors he has done to me. I need help. I can't take it anymore. It's so hard to keep my mouth shut. I do because what's the point of arguing? He truly makes everything my fault. He has such a way of making me believe that I really do everything wrong. He can rage. A simple conversation can turn ugly in a split second. He fights dirty. He's so loud. It's so hard. Everybody we know except 1 of my friends who has seen him put me down, thinks he's awesome. He's the life of the party. So charming. His patients love him. When he gets mad-almost everyday, I get called names. I am a good person. I love animals and help with rescues. I try to be a good mom to my kids. Help me

#2 Dec 7 - 9PM

Jean

you've found the right place

The N in my life fortunately was a minor brush, just a co-worker and a short relationship - also a doctor but a psychologist (and a lawyer, which he probably became so he could sue all the people who might punch him). He's a twisted nasty little creature who charms everyone around him. I know his disorder is real and marvel at how narcissism disguises itself so well: he sits surrounded by other psychologists and I don't think any of them get it. He doesn't appear violent but he has a lot of rage (he's a real little guy so I'm guessing violence would never have worked for him). I think the disconnect between image vs reality is what's so crazy-making for me, since I have to listen to this emotional midget while at work - and, oh he is very extraverted like most Narcs. Fortunately I am moving to another part of the building soon, and asked to be away from him (out of earshot). Sometimes I just laugh - I no longer worry that I may appear to be unhinged. Then I get paranoid that he's spreading rumors that I'm mentally unstable - he fights like a girl that way. From what I can tell, all the N's fight dirty. I guess they want to make sure they can win. All I could think of when I read your story was how I'd be plotting my escape. Easier said than done, though, especially with kids. This board will really help you. Don't be shy about spending all your extra minutes here! It will keep you sane.

#3 Dec 2 - 7PM

blueeyes

Cindylab21

That is awful, a rages =kinda guy? Everyone thinks he's charming? Well, I DON'T. I think you should read and educate yourself on the disorder. My kids were scare to ask me for a crumb when he lived here! It's so sad. They wouldn't come out of their rooms. I know the kind of man your describing. Selfish huh? It's quite a load to carry alone. I am happy that you do not have to...

#4 Dec 2 - 6PM

Susan32

Caring profession

It's a tragedy that Ns/Ps, selfish for their own gain, are in the caring professions. It's all about image. It's terrible that kids are involved. You're dealing with a doctor, who's supposed to CARE. He presents that image to the world. I dealt with a psychopathic professor. I wasn't his lover or girlfriend (let alone spouse&mother to his children)--and though I was his student, he'd routinely call me a slut, go out of his way to embarrass and abandon me (especially in times of personal need). He wanted me to look selfish, crazy. He constantly blamed me. FOR EVERYTHING. It's sad when people get into caring professions like teaching and medicine just to put up an act.

#5 Dec 2 - 6PM

Anne_

hi cindylab

Welcome on this board. Please read as much as you can, please write some posts when you need to. We have all gone through some rough stories as well, and I can feel your pain by reading your story. Please don't base your opinion of him on how OTHERS think of him. Most Narcs behave really charming to the outside world. For me it's a red flag when someone in a caring profession acts otherwise to his partner. A teacher that doesn't stand a child moaning in an airplane because the pressure causes his ears to hurt. A psychologist who doesn't want to help his girlfriend who is struggling. A doctor who doesn't help you with a post partum depression. He should have been the man looking after you! (the two first examples are coming straight from my own life). You do not have to endure a raging husband. I know, it is hard to step up for yourself. Your a good person. You are a caretaker. You are a mother, you look after animals. And I know that sometimes the hardest thing is starting to care for yourself. It isn't easy, everyone here can confirm that. And I'm in an early recovery phase, and I struggle quite a lot myself. But even now, even two months after I broke up with my xN, I can say you, it's well worth it. Welcome Cindy Hugs, Anne

#6 Dec 2 - 4AM

Scotchy71

Hi Cindylab2

All of us on this board have a similar, sometimes almost identical story and it's terrible reading another one! We are all fighting the same fight, just trying to get a sense of self back and it's really hard. Sometimes I think half the women here have been with my ex narc, that's how scarily similar they all are. Yours is no doubt a narc and will never EVER get better. I strongly suggest you read as much info on this board, all you can about these bottom feeders and arm yourself with the knowledge you need in order to survive him. There are truly wonderful men and women here who are an inspiration to us all and please, NEVER feel you're alone because we are all here right with you in thought and in words. There is nothing wrong with you but plenty wrong with him. You have real feelings, he doesn't, not in the sense of love, empathy and respect. He is angry you are such a beautiful person because he knows he never can be no matter what he does. He loathes who he is deep down and you are bearing the brunt of all his rage. I know how helpless and sad you feel right now and for your own sanity, you need to get as far away from him as possible - it is only then you'll be able to have a life and get yourself back. As long as you're with him, he will suck the very life from you until there is nothing left. You have to save you!!! It's really hard breaking away from them, but believe me, I'd rather be alone than with a narc, I'm at peace - I'm nowhere near in a great place, but I've been away from mine 4 months now and I actually laugh some days. I still cry a lot and am very angry, but each day the pain lessens just that little bit and I know that nothing I ever could have done for him would ever have been enough. They are what they are and can never be anything different. We are all here for you, always remember that....xxx

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