Christmas Party Plans at Nightclub, No SignificantOthers until after 10pm?

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#1 Aug 28 - 7AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Christmas Party Plans at Nightclub, No SignificantOthers until after 10pm?

Being the wife or GF of a Narcissist (predator, liar, cheater) is difficult enough, so why do Company single teeney bopping 'Event Planners' set the stage (in a venue that's mre conducive to hooking up, drinking, flirting, and a sexually charged atmosphere)...and plan the party at the most expensive Nightclub/hotel...the most popular 'hot spot' in the big City? Does this sound like the proper venue for a 'Christmas Party?...on a Saturday Night?... is it supposed to be 'trendy' now for a Company to throw a Christmas Party at the hottest Nightclub in the city?...and the invitation specifically stating 'Employees only! Significant Others may join in after 10pm when the Nightclub opens to the public! ??? (I find that SO undignified...treating a wife or significant other of the employee like that! What a slap...they are saying to the wives/husbands...and SO's "you are not allowed to come to our party...on a non work evening (Sat. Night)...at this exclusive/trendy/hot/sexually charged special occaision...for OUR Christmas Party...where we 'co-workers' (who already spend most of our day with each other...and already have monthly lunches out, dinners, events, Beach Parties, picnics, etc....during the year to which you 'not so significant others' are not invited)...WE are not going to invite you to 'our Christmas Party either!!!

Am I being ridiculous?...This sort of thing makes me just fume!!!

Already the Christmas Party is planned and the invitations sent out yesterday...months in advance. Isn't Christmas a family time...if the Company is supposedly on a tight budget..(it's one of the largest most solvent corporations in the world BTW)...then why not hold the Christmas Party at a fine restaurant, and offer that the employee can invite their wife/husband or SO...and pay for their 'ticket' or plate? Any other time...but CHRISTMAS!!!

Statistically, the workplace is the environment where people cheat the most...with co-workers. I know MY 'Office Romeo' has cheated with more than one co-worker (I did NOT know at the time)...so why are these stupid airhead 25-30 y/o 'event planners' for the company ALLOWED to plan THIS type of event for the Christmas Party?

Even if it was held at this 'hot' nightclub...AND SO's were invited...I still think it would be setting the stage for trouble...but at least it would be slightly better than making a statement on the invitations that SO's were 'NOT ALLOWED'...oh! and get this! the invitations state that the 'proper attire for the event/evening is 'Nightclub Chic!'(just great! So the men dress up for a 'date night' in their best sexy 'on the make' outfits and the girls dress in their finest classy 'porn star' look, with very low cut, tight dresses, short skirts and high heels and sexy perfumes and they all get to drink, dance and get all sexed up! Really takes the meaning out of Christmas...completely!

My Narcissist does so much porn (again I never knew for over a year into the relationship about all his extracuricular activities, or about the OW, lying & cheating)He lies, is a serial cheater...he has always been seeking new and constant sources of validation/admiration/ attention...sex...Something like this party is exactly his style! I am sure he is not the only one like this either.

I cannot believe it isn't against company policy to put on this type of 'event'. If they held the party at the office after hours on a work day'...well okay...go ahead and make it employees only...or why can't they plan a Christmas Party on company time then, or at a more approprite place???...But on a Saturday, in that kind of atmosphere???...and at a public extrememly 'chic' nightclub??? Am I wrong to be upset aout this? My narcissist 'Prince Charming' sent me a copy of the invitation yesterday...as soon as he got it...as if he is 'gloating' about it...I seldom get angry...but this one made me 'burst into flames!

Would it be wrong to anonymously contact one of the top CEO's of the company via an anonymous email (I have his) with a copy of the invitation and a comment about how inappropriate this venue appears to be for a Corporate Christmas Party...without SO's invited...and suggest they include So's if the employee covers their ticket???. (this CEO is a Famly man type himself, and I am sure not the type to even attend such an 'event'...let alone think it is appropriate for a Chraitmas Party for co-workers)..The head offices are in another Province and City...and their top managers may not know the types of things this small branch office does (alot!)...What now? My narcissist's office might as well be called the 'New Bachelor Pad'...it is getting about as bad as that!!! (you can't believe how the women are allowed to dress!) I never saw such tight revealing low cut/short clothing, except on a street corner in a certain part of town!...Even my Narc BF has complained about it...the way the women dress...that it is a distraction from work and makes it hard for the guys to 'get things done'.

...I woke up this morning and I am still burning! It's over 3 months away...and yet I feel that Christmastime is already tainted. I am really upset about this! Maybe it is because Christmas was when I caught my BF cheating 2 years ago...and he is very hurtful at Christmas to me (each year for some unknown reason)...or maybe it is because I saw that he had a piece of paper he had taken out of his pocket with a list of *things to do* the day before the invites went out...and #1 on the list said 'book Christmas' (which he said was book some time off at Christmas...which is weird as he NEVER takes time off then)...and when I asked him about it he said 'NO, I did NOT suggest the nightclub as a great place for the Christmas Party...and NO, 'book Christmas' was not about the Christmas Party (but he was grinning this sick grin ear to ear when he said this). (weird he had this on his list the day before) especially so early...months before Christmas! Somehow I KNOW he is lying. I honestly think he suggested this venue...and also that SO's arenot allowed...and he may well have even booked it for the company...wouldn't be surprised a bit! He LIES every other word out of his mouth...and this IS his style!...and WHY is he just enjoying this all too much? (my being upset about this whole stupid thing)

Perhaps the reason I am so fuming is that he HAS sat on Event Planning Committees before...and he LOVES this particular hotel and NightClub and used to frequent it. He also made sure to rub it in that wives and GF's were NOT allowed...until after 10pm when the 'public' could join in. He loved seeing me fume! He even tried to have sex with me last night...(tried at least 3 times to intitiate sex very blatantly!)...WTF! My being upset about this made him laugh and want to have sex???...I burst into flames and he tries to 'jump on me'...he barely holds my hand anymore...and we have been in another D&D cycle (we live together for over 3 years now)and I am stuck as I sublet my apartment downtown until January...and have no place to stay if I leave him again...until then.

I am such an idiot! What have I done to myself and my life...even BEING with this pathological man!? I KNOW what he is now! How is he STILL able to get me to go back to him and be in this relationship??? He is making me nuts! How could I have wasted SO much time with this fool and loser...allow myself to get 'charmed' back in to the relationship with someone who has lied, cheated (repeatedly)Who's always on the make, who becomes enraged at the drop of a hat, has been in trouble with law enforcement for his 'temper' and violent rages...and manipulates, criticizes, puts down...verball, emotionally abuses...all with charm, finesse and a big smile that lights up a room...

He looks like a dream, acts like a dream...talks and walks like a dream...until the real 'him' was revealed...and I have been on a roller coaster of a nightmare ever since...my whole life seems to be heading 'off the rails' with him in the driver's seat.

Sorry, woke up still in flames...needed to rant and vent.

Aug 29 - 10PM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Workplace vs. Bachelor Pad Mentality

Please excuse the typos and mispellings...I still can't see straight from being angry about this scenario. My Narcissist BF was one of the first to RSVP practically at the same time he received his invitation. This is exactly his type of venue and the style of dress he likes most on a woman is 'nightclub chic'. He loves tight black dresses, stockings and high heels...and the scene is set out for a predator like him like a smorgasbord. He is a virtual conniseour of PORN...this 'nightclub'...wthout me there...everyone having drinks, getting cozy sitting on the couches on the terrace of the nightclub, a sexually charged setting...everyone 'hot' and dancing together...sans the wives and husbands, GF's and BF's who have sshared what is left of their lives and evenings with them...after the 'co-workers have them to mingle with all day as it is...Eveyone knows the workplace is the environment where people meet and cheat the most...I am stll so burned up that a Powerful Corporation cannot insist that there is ONE holiday event that SO's are invited to attend. If the budget is so tight...well then...at least allow the employee to invite one guest if they will pay for their ticket or meal and drinks!...why specifically NO SO's allowed? Who says co-workers get Christmas too? It isn't like they all don't already socialize during the workday...sending emails and messages...talking on the phone...having lunches together...going for drinks after work...they want Christmas too???? Sorry...I am STILL in flames over this. I have virtually said nothing more to him about it. Just asked him WHY he Cc'd a copy of his invitation nearly the very minute he got it in his email at work...3 1/2 months in advance before the event I might add...that clearly states significant others may only join the 'Christmas Party' after the doors open to the general public at 10pm. How much more insignificant can a person be told that they are...when they are 'allowed to join the party AFTER the public can attend???What was he doing? Trying to rub my nose in it that wives and GF's are not invited again THIS year....and THIS year the 'event' will be held at the trendiest, most exclusive and 'hottest' Nightclubs in this big city???...It's like he was saying "See what I will be doing Babe??...and YOU cannot come...again! He has already been in another D&D phase...and I just nipped in the bud ANOTHER one of his dalliances with an OW (this one long distance)...I am getting SO tired of always having to 'be on my toes'...look great all the time...be sweet and loving and happy all the time...act perfect, etc...lest he critisize me and shore up my value next to one of his 'hot' co-workers...yet again!!! All year there have been picnics, lunch cruises, afternoons off spent with co-workers...lunches at retaurants during the day...and all sorts of 'employee social events' during the year where SO's are not invited...during company time. BTW, someone mentioned that the women on the 'event planning committee' surely wouldn't have come up with this idea...on the contrary! They are ALL so excited about it...and they are between 25-30, unmarried single gals who spend their weekends 'Nightclubbing'...it is the trendiest thing since the 'Bachelor Pad'...what's next? Kissing contests with their co-workers just like on the show???!!! What a slap in the face to all the significant others... How undignified, unprofessional...and completely inapproprite this set up is! It may be 'trendy'...but it is bad business practice to allow employee events to get this 'out of hand'. I am not a prude at all! I like dressing up and going out for drinks & dancing and having fun on the occasional Saturday night with friends or a date. But having been to these places...they are not 'just to socialize' here at Nightclubs...the venue has a whole other connotation, and everyone knows what I mean!...even the very classiest and exclusive ones, it is still a sexually charged 'hook up' type of atmosphere...like setting the stage for temptation and affairs to start...or office flirtations/fantasies to become more than that! A private party put on by employees after hours...not involving company funds or affiliation is one thing...but for a Company to allow this set up...with their approval...and PAY for it is just plain wrong and seedy...let alone unethical! Instead of supporting the idea of *families* and respecting couples/relationships...they allow,...no wait! they actually promote this nonsense? OMG! I am bursting into flames again...I need a cold shower! Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
Aug 28 - 2PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Christmas party

The first year, when we were "in love" he took me to all of the Christmas parties with him (since he's a judge he is invited to all the law firm parties, etc). The second year, after the D&D, i got: "significant others aren't invited because everyone's cutting back on expenses." It's a wonderful feeling to be handed the "you're not invited" line when it's a lie. I never got handed it when it was actuallly true, but that totally blows. I bet no women set up these parties!
Aug 28 - 12PM
cluelessuntilnow
cluelessuntilnow's picture

Must comment-Sweetsamm is right TROUBLE

My xN works for a huge company. Christmas parties, NO spouses, plenty of alcohol, young women and everyone covering for everyone. Hugely inappropriate and business as usual.
Aug 28 - 12PM
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

trouble!

My ex worked for a. Huge homebuilder,and they used to have parties,ski trips,winetasting trips w/o spouses...it was a big drunk cheating fest!! Half the superintendants had affairs w the sales agent ladies and secreteries,i cant tell u how many marriages broke up...alcohol and coworkers on away trips was nothing but trouble! And a xmas party like u described......is completely inappropriate!
Aug 28 - 12PM
Janet
Janet's picture

Read what you wrote: I KNOW

Read what you wrote: I KNOW what he is now! How is he STILL able to get me to go back to him and be in this relationship??? He is making me nuts! How could I have wasted SO much time with this fool and loser...allow myself to get 'charmed' back in to the relationship with someone who has lied, cheated (repeatedly)Who's always on the make, who becomes enraged at the drop of a hat, has been in trouble with law enforcement for his 'temper' and violent rages...and manipulates, criticizes, puts down...verball, emotionally abuses. How much LOVE is there? Are you seeing a therapist to talk about what you want from your life? It is YOUR life. You can get off the ride. It is not easy, but it is a lot more exciting planning your own life than being at the whim of another. I moved out nearly a year ago from N/P and it has taken a lot of time and work but I am infinitely more happy than I was a year ago. Peace. J

Peace. J

Aug 28 - 11AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Thanks for the replies. More info:

When my Narc BF/husband calimed not to be involved in the planning of this fiasco...yet had 'Book Christmas' on his # 1 thing on his *things to do list*...and he sits next to the very guy who everyone is to RSVP to...is it worng fo me not to believe him? He lies every other word out of his mouth anyway. I am still upset about this! I feel like writing an 'article' for the newspaper (have done so before and been published) about the inappropriate venue and overall 'event' this Christmas Party entails. I mean...it is hard enough for normal guys to navigat this world with honesty and sexual/relationship ethics...what with all the singles dating sites, porn and general attitude of 'anything goes' anymore...but to actually stage this type of 'affair'....oooooooooo!!!!!! I'm SO mad about it!!! Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
Aug 28 - 8AM
naivenomore
naivenomore's picture

It's Not You1

I am infuriated to hear what this company is up to and please, please, please don't think there's something wrong with you for having a problem with their Christmas party plans. It's an invitation for trouble in big red lights and I, too, would be fuming. Is there any way at all that you can plan some fabulous trip away for a week at Christmas time, by yourself? I hate to think of you sitting home the night of the Christmas party and even thinking about this fiasco. If this man had even an ounce of respect for you he'd opt to not attend on the principle of it all, but he is weak to the max!
Aug 28 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

My brother is vice pres of

My brother is vice pres of marketing for a huge tobacco company and is in charge of ok'ing parties for the company...his company brings spouses to italy for business,greece,hawaii,etc.....they have big events at kentucky derby,us open,etc and spouses are ALWAYS included...his company feels that happy wives keep husbands happy and these men do a better job...happy wives equals happy lives:)
Aug 28 - 7AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

I hope

I hope you're wearing your seat belt sweetie. this guy is taking you for a ride that's for sure. I wouldn't contact the CEO. He has to know the party plans & I would think have to have given his approval. He'll just say the invites have been sent. I think it's down right wrong to throw any type of party for the company and exclude significant others. It shows me the company supports the employees behavior without any regard to the families. Thats apparent by how you say they dress in the workplace. And I dont believe for one second your BF is really complaining about how the women dress. He's saying that just to try & make himself(fake self) look good to you. Maybe even so you won't complain about it or that he works there. I know you said you can't get away from him until Jan but is there nowhere else you could camp out til then? You need to get away from this guy. He's vindictive and evil. He doesn't care about you or love you and he will never give up his cheating. After 9 yrs mine still didn't. The last time I found out I knew at that moment he was never going to change and I could no longer be with him. I just couldn't live my life with a person like that. It hurt like living hell. It's been 5 months today. And I know I will never have him in my life in anyway. He's no longer welcome. You need to reach that point when you say NO MORE! It will come but the longer you stay with him the more hurt and anguish you're going to feel. It will be an even scarier roller coaster ride.