christian1's story

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#1 Apr 20 - 5PM
christian1
christian1's picture

christian1's story

Really I didn't I had no idea. I first met him and went our with him and then didn't see him for three years. We reconnected over a year ago, and dated 9 months before i figured it out. This is where i get confused. I have tried repeatedly to end it and he keeps coming back months later, telling me he is leaving his marriage is dead. Believe you me, that is the last thing i want to have happen. I finally lost it and threatened to tell his wife.
I got this message yesterday (on my birthday)

"I don't know why you said what you said Saturday night, but the damage is done.
I didnt think you could push me away..yet you succeeded. Ihope you are happy now."

Might i remind you, he has a WIFE, but is blaming me. Why are they like this?

Apr 25 - 11AM
foolmeonce
foolmeonce's picture

Been there done that!

I have been where you are. The exN I was involved with was married - he of course was leaving - the marriage was dead, etc. He promised so many times - only to leave for 3 days then went back to his wife. I called the wife and told her - I think I did it just to have it finally be over with. All this did was make ME the bad guy. I was the scapegoat - she blamed me, not him and she let him stay. Even after that he continued to be involved with me. If I let him he would still be involved with me and be married. You have no idea what their marriage is like. Remember everything he says is a lie - everything. He will come back, break no contact - profess his love for you as long as you let him. When you stop giving him what he wants - adoration, love, etc. He will move on - not completely mind you, because you will always be a threat. They think they have to tell you they love you and want to be with you in order to keep you in check. Now that you have threatened telling his wife, he has to "maintain" the relationship with you and control you so you don't destroy him. He doesn't love you and does not care about what's best for you. I heard exactly the same thing - you finally pushed me away - they say the same things - read the stories they all could be yours. You need to come to the point where you realize he does not love you and does not care about you and why on earth be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care. Look at his actions, not his talk - you will see the truth in the actions. He will say whatever is necessary to keep you - also keep in mind he is telling his friends and everyone he knows how psycho you are - how you threatened to tell his wife - you are the bad guy to the whole world.
Apr 25 - 9AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Blame

Why would he do this? Blame! It is never their fault. It is his wife's fault for not making HIM happy that he is not loyal to her. It is your fault that you do not accept his wife & even threaten to expose him that HE is now disappointed in you for not being 100% loyal to him & accepting all HIS nonsense on HIS terms. Don't you see? It's all about HIM. Everything is about HIM. He does not care about your feelings for commitment or not wanting to be the woman on the side. He does not care about his wife's feelings that their marriage vows be honored. Uh. DO you think that he ever concerns himself with making either his wife or you happy? I don't think so. Whenever these guys are confronted with their lies, they get angry with the person who unmasks them. Why? Because that's the way they are. Why are daffodils yellow? Because they are. Move on. You are not married to him. You have not lost your fortune, your possessions, your sanity, your very soul to this man. His wife has. Better to be alone than to be sucked dry by such a man. And he will return & return & return as many times as you allow him to. And, you are not the only one. I bet he has many girls on the side. Sorry to be so harsh. But these guys are so predictable that it is pathetic.
Apr 20 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome christian1

Welcome... - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - YOU must go NO CONTACT on him immediately - there is a great post in the My Blog section on WHAT NO CONTACT MEANS - read it and follow it. Change phone & cell numbers if you have to. NO CONTACT!!! - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. You did not choose him! YOU, as all of us, WERE A TARGET!! - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://allabouthim.com - chock full of articles about Ns and healing in the future, please read the Rules prior to posting, as well - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim - Please remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with. 18 months for starting to deprogram plus one continuous year of therapy is a must! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 20 - 8PM
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

Christian1

Welcome.. It is confusing, you came to good place I hope you start feeling better