Charlie Sheen

I'm waiting until both goddesses turn on him, and go for what money he has left, that isn't going to one of umpteen children. Oops...that was mean!

When the ex-Psych prof got his girlfriend pregnant, it was literally around the time I left. I didn't know about the pregnancy till... around 9/11,and the twins were between 4-6 months old. He has family in Massachusetts. I never saw his girlfriend pregnant... I found out waaay after the fact. "It tanned to see you mingle with his girlfriend"-Believe me, I taunted him about it afterwards, telling him how it turns some guys on when they see cat fights. I helpfully informed him about the mud wrestling pit at the upper dorms. I mocked him, telling him he had WANTED a fight... and it tickled me pink to not give it to him. The ex-P hated children... he found babies disgusting, and said that like Leo Tolstoy, he'd avoid the nursery. It was a motif all 4 years. He said that if I were pregnant with his kids, he'd be disappointed&fed up with me (because Prince Andrei in "War and Peace" is fed up with his wife on account of her pregnancy) So I did for the kids. I spared them. His sperm were judged undeserving. He found the whole process of pregnancy disgusting. MOST Ns/Ps presented here are Mommy-enmeshed. The ex-P was Daddy-enmeshed. There's a scene in "War and Peace" in which Prince Andrei affectionately kisses his father in front of his pregnant wife, then kisses his expectant wife's hand as if she were a stranger... the ex-P would say that he'd do the same to me. I think he didn't outgrow the stage when little boys have made their break from Mom and are bonding with Dad. He wanted a woman who would be like his father... his girlfriend (later wife) wrote a dry scientific paper about the restoration of dolls (she's a curator)... and his father is a scientist. A run of the mill N/P wants a woman like Mom... mine wanted a woman like Dad. That's even harder to do.

Teachers are supposed to act in loco parentis (in the place of the person), but he acted more like a loco parent. "It'd be interesting to see how his babies turn out"-His parents moved in with him to raise them... I found THAT out a year after the D&D. A boy and a girl, so a friend&I nicknamed them Luke&Leia (of course, geek that I am, I hummed the Imperial theme) My friend said that having his parents raise them was *PROOF* of his selfishness, that just as he hadn't made sacrifices for me, he hadn't made sacrifices for his girlfriend (whom he married after she gave birth) The ex-P bragged about driving his poor father crazy... so I hope his father is raising them right. I made a snide remark at the time that his parents were raising his kids... AND him. It reminded me of elementary school when teachers send the bully&the victim back home to their parents, I was living with my parents at the time... except God was doing it. God was acting like the Principal in the Sky. Amen. "He was probably hoping she'd make you jealous"-I was more angry that he hadn't told me about the girlfriend than the fact that he had one. When I dated (he'd complain to his students about it on class time, then NOT address it with me), I was OPEN about it. It was NOT a secret. Even my parents knew. What's weird is that when I met the girlfriend... it was like looking at my reflection. She was a nerdy brunette, like me. (She resembled the ex-P EVEN MORE than me, she was very butch, had a crew cut like him) I think I wanted OUT so much that I wasn't envious... and the fact that I hadn't gotten physically/sexually/romantically involved with the ex-P complicated it. If I had had sex with him, there would've been jealousy. If he&I had wined&dined off-campus, I would've been a raving maniac. I think the ex-P wanted to string the both of us along, like Leo Tolstoy did to Sofia (his wife)&her sisters, as well as a serf with whom he had fathered a son, or the character of Prince Nicolai Rostov in "War and Peace" who keeps the rivalry alive between his wife Marya&his childhood sweetheart the poor orphan Sonya even after he's married. Nicolai strings both along, even after he's a married husband&Sonya sticks around as a housekeeper/nanny. I think the ex-P wanted me around to be a rival&that he'd settle with the one he impregnated. But I went NC on him in town... then I left town without telling anyone (Agnes Murphy is RIGHT, so right on that advice!!) He impregnated her around the time I left... it's as if he sensed I was leaving, and he had always said that the only way he could keep a woman is if he got her pregnant. He'd brag that he'd impregnate me immediately if I married him. Yes, it's been 11 years since the final D&D. He hasn't contacted me... and if his father is the reason&his father understands... I send him my positive vibes. I've broken NC occasionally, but I think his father knows. His father put him on a philosophical forum with him about consequences/karma/causality, *SOMETHING I WOULD'VE DONE* "Have you been able to talk to someone about this"-It's been difficult, since it was teacher/student, not as if he were my ex-husband,or an ex-boyfriend, or if he were owing me child support. I've found a therapist. He's into forgiveness, pretty progressive/politically liberal... and for all his spirituality... he defines the ex-P as *EVIL.* It's been purifying. I've brought up some painful stuff, and when he talked about addiction to drama/enabling... a light clicked on. "Do you feel better about it"-I talked about it with a Buddhist who had been teaching about compassion. Compassion does NOT condone abuse. He said my decision to leave without even saying bye was the MOST compassionate thing to do. It was like taking alcohol away from a drinker. I had done the tough love. What was triggering were recent events at my college. There was a former classmate, and when she&I were in freshman lab, the ex-P triangulated, and she believed all his lies. We were nearly friends. During the D&D 11 years ago, I dreamt that she&I reconciled&forgave each other at a college reunion. In '09, this classmate, who stayed behind to be a professor (and who was closer to the ex-P than me)... died under unspecified causes. She was only 40. She died in her sleep. It wasn't homicide or murder... but ZERO closure. I instinctively thought "That could've been me" and "I hope it was natural causes." No cause of death has ever been given. Her death... brought me to this forum. Literally. To make peace with the past. I realized I couldn't save her. That it wasn't my fault. Last year, a tech expert who was hired the year I graduated (he was an acquaintance of mine,I saw him at the computer lab), killed himself after he got in trouble with the law for stealing prescription drugs from pharmacies. Not too long ago, a girl was expelled for anorexia&depression... and that nearly happened to me because of the ex-P my freshman year. My mother is now researching NPD because of my Narc grandmother. I'm able to provide validation, understand why my Narc grandmother will do outrageous things like go out into the rain without suitable clothes, make a spectacle of herself. My mother thinks I should write about NPD... I am a published writer. The ex-P discouraged me from journalism&writing about religion/spirituality... I've been doing BOTH for the past 8 years. Getting my own closure is a *PROCESS.* As Michael Franti sings "I know I'm not alone." The stories here are inspiring. The women here are inspiring. This is a safe haven. Reading parts of "War and Peace" have helped me understand NPD&come to terms with my experience (how ironic, the ex-P lectured on it in '09) "War and Peace" has NPD embodied in fictional characters, so there's a distance... but it is the distance that brings understanding. I feel like Ariadne emerging from the depths of the Labyrinth into the sunlight (she was granddaughter of the sun god Helios) My therapist said he's seen healing in me, healing I haven't recognized. In some ways, there are scars, there's scar tissue.. but I am more healed than I was a decade ago. Healing is a process. "Everything is illuminated in the light of the past"-Jonathan Safran Foer