CareBear's Story - Part 2 (it gets ugly)
CareBear's Story - Part 2 (it gets ugly)
With just that one question- I unloaded to gym guy...I mean he spent several months just being my dependable neighbor & all around nice guy! ((I say that now with sarcasm)). Little did I know that, that conversation at the bar gave him alllll the ammo he needed to love bomb me & later systemically destroy me.
He had also opened up that night - he who told me of his history too...he was "divorced" but not legally divorced yet ...he and his ex were best of friends - he had just been in the hospital for kidney stones and she even was taking care of him during his recovery at her apartment! He wasn't drinking that night because he was still on medicine and not too far out from his recovery. ((At this point I wasn't sure if this was a red flag, maybe they did have an amicable split? But in retrospect poor girl was still around for support and supply - I would later learn that they did split up because he got caught cheating on her multiple times -
But it was because he had a high sex drive and she wasn't giving him what he needed & she gained weight - yes, red flag! ))
He said he was actually dating another woman with 2 children- but they weren't on speaking terms at the time...he said that she could be "stubborn" and after fights they probably wouldn't talk for a few weeks. He seemed to be hurt that this incident of his in the hospital didn't make her come around and come see if her man was ok in the hospital. ((Wow! If only I knew what a Hoover was then! - what a red flag, also the silent treatment & rounds of relationships after fighting))
Our conversations after bootcamp grew longer and deeper and into meals...me divulging more and more- he storing it away in his mental Filing system.
One night we had a few drinks with dinner and he started sexting me when we both got home to our individual apartments...no one had ever done that with me before and I was starved for attention and affection with hubby being away and not then not present when he was home...the sexts weren't even that graphic - but it did the trick... The next morning I wanted to forget about it, I was kind of embarassed and felt ashamed that line was crossed with this guy who was a friend and made himself such a part of my life.
I didnt speak to him for 2 days and avoided the gym...the morning of the 3rd day he texted - hey, why did u go dark? There is nothing to be ashamed of- I miss u, lets meet later- he needed to talk to me, things weren't good with his GF ((again)).
We met later and the first topic was he doesn't know what is gonna happen with his girlfriend - they planned a nice date - but she picked a fight with him and he left the dinner...she wasn't talking to him at that point and he didn't know if she would come back again...we got along so well - that maybe we could be friends with benefits and help eachother out through our hard times.
I didnt jump at the opportunity - I was actually appalled ((prob one of the last times I had any sense with my involvement with him))...I said lets pay the check and go- nothing else happened.
Next night - he wanted to talk again- she was such a Biatch - he needed to talk to a friend- again the situation turned to us...I voiced my Big fat NO to the arrangement ...and he blackmailed me for the first time saying, "well I mean - don't be so coy, u have been "dating" me for months now - and we practically had sex via text the other night anyway - you are definitely not the innocent good girl u claim to be!" Then he dismissed me!! Said I was being so high school about the whole thing & I was playing games!! ((Projection - silent treatment - D&D))
Again, I left & several days passed without contact then the next week - the texts came in - he missed talking to me...wanted to see me and talk - he needed me!! I did miss him - I was so lonely and hanging with him, he was so interested in me and listened! He paid attention to me! That was the first time he invited me to his place and we were sitting outside next to eachother talking..then he forcibly pulled my hair and the next thing I knew he forced his tongue down my throat .. I was shocked - but he went in for round 2...and took my hand and put it on his crotch...I said no and then I was dismissed
So this is how ..it went - no talk, my missing him, no contact - he didnt even show up for bootcamp, then finally the text, the meeting then- blackmail, with u r not innocent - u went even further with each progressive sexual boundary crossing ...
Finally to get the whole enchilada he threatened me that he would never talk to me again if I didnt stop playing these high school games with him - and he had to see me, then he got the intercourse he wanted ...but it was so good! He knew just what I needed..
For several months after that it was complete love & sex bombing - I was the most sexy, attractive woman available - he needed me, he craved me - I could barely sleep because he would wake me up because he had to have me. I ate it all up...was losing even more weight - finally I was getting what I needed from a manly man who knew a good woman when he came across her.
A few months in of just the us "vanilla" relationship- he started grooming me to be his personal whore. The thigh highs, the lingerie, the heels, the short skirts, makeup...sending me links of porn to watch so I could learn to be sexier and act like the women in the movies ((because all of the sudden - I wasn't the sexiest woman alive anymore))..he started to film us together in some home movies for "us" to enjoy.
Then that wasn't enough - this sicko had some demands ((and now most addicted, dependent student to carry them out)) and I was forced to go along with his sick requests or there would be hell to pay-more blackmail, oh how he loved his home videos staring his personal whore!...I risked my safety & well being and I am so ashamed - working through a lot of this in therapy...
Then nothing I could do was good enough - had to lose more weight, I wasn't sexy enough - I had to be in heels 24/7 even walking to work a mile outside in SNOW..rain..short skirts- why are u wearing tights? And underwear? What are u a nun?? Don't you want to be my girl? Haven't you learned better from me? You aren't really a sexy woman if you are wearing tights to work in 10 degree weather.! ((Why did I believe this?!?)))
The D&D's got worse, the triangulation was awful -the women Facebook friends and flirty comments both ways - he would try to pick up other women in front of me at boot camp ((I of course could not say anything cause I was married and he had to look out for himself - because he wasn't sure if I even did leave my husband how long our relationship would last because he gets tired of women - hence first divorce))..I knew what he was doing when he would question women at bootcamp - he was profiling them..checking for weaknesses for the next unlucky supply source!!
I had to get out - the fights were becoming worse - I was feeling worse and worse about myself - wasn't sleeping/eating ...all I did was cry! Everywhere!!!! The store, going to work, at my desk, at the gym - everywhere! Even while commuting cross country for client visits on 6 hour flights- during the whole flight!!! The poor flight attendants knew me cause I always took the same flights - I always got extra wine pours from them - bless them! How I was able to keep it together enough to keep my job and get promoted during that time is beyond me!!
Then I saw it one night - his laptop was out - an explorer window was open with a file folder hierarchy expanded - the parent folder was something to the effect of "whores incorporated" and there had to be at least 2 dozen folders with women's names - me being one of them...but also OW that I was suspect of from Facebook and his work stories, other women from the neighborhood, exes!)). Seeing this made me sick to my stomach...I called my doctor, and got a checkup stat and anxiety/depression Meds. This gave me the strength to start to pull away but I didn't know how hard it would be ..
Next part - the fallout!