Can you still love anyone anymore? I can't.

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Oct 30 - 4AM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

Can you still love anyone anymore? I can't.

Since 10months I am still living my life alone.
Sometimes when days really gets too quiet and alone,

I questioned myself 'why?'.

Then i answered: 'Yes it was all you who pushes every guys away.'

I cant love any guys anymore.
I cant believe in any guys anymore.
I dont trust I dont believe.

I even got a feeling this gona be permanent in me and i wonder am I going to be classified as defaulted?

Anyone also feels the same?

Oct 30 - 11AM
divorcedfromevil
divorcedfromevil's picture

I have been divorced for over

I have been divorced for over 3 years. I have been so nervous to meet anyone. I guess I have sabotaged myself because of it. I mean I sit here and wonder what man will want someone with the ex from he**, who has 2 kids and about 50 extra lbs (and I am short so it really shows!). I keep thinking no one will want all my extra baggage, so I solved my own problem... :( And narc goes on with his life, engagedto some new victim, and ignoring his kids. I wish I could just move on and not have a care for all the bs he has put us through.
Oct 30 - 10AM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

Now I've become this. Sounds familiar to anyone here?

From a rich one, better looking, smarter, more caring, more attentive, more understanding, more mature, more sincere etc. YES, ALL SORTS OF BETTER GUYS over the span of 10 months. I feel horrible for not giving them a chance. I become so well-versed with what guys want. (yes i seen so many same patterns) I know all of them coming close to me and wanting to be closer arent just wanting be friends. I can see their intention. 1. Starting i know i wasnt ready, i just cant. 2. Then I know i didnt want to hurt those innocent sincere guys. 3. Now I feel disgusted when I see through their selfish intentions. (they do not even wish to be friends, they just treat you nice become you see a 'chance' to be with you, trust me on this.) 4. Now I am not interested. 5. Now i dont really trust blindly. 6. Now I become the most self-reliant woman ever (isnt this what every relationship self help book and every saint emphasize one? WE girls, woman in order to be desirable to those male creatures, we cannot look needy. We must be independent. We must be strong. Best if we have blocked tear duct from dropping tears. NO FEELINGS NO EMOTIONS. GUYS dont like that remember? Cannot be needy!!!!). And yes, I spend every single day moment, I work alone, eat alone, cry alone, angry alone, happy alone. EVERYTHING I AM ALONE. (it's like finally i've become the most heroine every male creatures would love to own, afterall it's the most easy maintainace partner). But HA! because i went through so much, I've become soso strong i dont even need a fcuking shit useless N-type guys to depend on. So do I need a useless man to survive? The answer: unfortunately unlikely. Now I've become this. Sounds familiar to anyone here? Sometimes I wonder am I on my way to becomong a N? I could just simply ignore their SMS, when I ccould see the reason they are so "caring". Cos I just know the game too well. I think i cant even write "How a typical self-centred guy typically would chase after a gal". To me they are just the smae old method, same old story.
Oct 30 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
really
really's picture

Everything you wrote about

Everything you wrote about being ALONE resonated soooo much with me. I am in the same situation and spent 80% of my time alone. Most of the time I'm OK with it, but during the down times, it can be so hard to rise above them. It is truly an exercise in strength. And we know that with exercise, muscles get stronger, so the more you go through all of these things alone, the more you can handle them and find yourself further away from needing anyone's help. For me, it gets more complicated as I had never really been so entrenched with someone as I was with the N. I never let someone that far into my life. And then he came and went and came and went and I had no idea what he was until I decided he had to be gone for good. I don't have the previous relationships to compare it to. And because he was the only one I've been so involved with, I have a really hard time seeing how I will ever move beyond comparing any relationship to him and having those feeling for anyone other than him. So, I keep the walls up, trust the people I have always trusted in my family and friends, and keep anyone who seems interested at arms length because I just can't. It's not like I feel that way for the N any more. I don't at all. I just can't imagine caring about someone else like I did for him. And, on top of that, I accepted everything about him and he still didn't want me. Why would I think someone else would? I'm babbling, but those are the darker thoughts I have about this.....
Oct 30 - 6AM
peacelily76
peacelily76's picture

You will love again!

You know what, I've been single for well over 18 months as I knew I was in no fit state to enter any relationship. You have to deal with your demons first and exorcise them as it would not be fair to take them into a new relationship. I started worrying that I would never find anyone I felt really attracted to and trusted. Last Tuesday I went out dancing and a guy who is part of my circle of friends was there. We danced, it was a bit awkward as we are both learning the jive steps but I suddenly felt a big rush of something and thought, "Blimey, I fancy him!!!" I thought this part of me was pretty much dead but it isn't. I have an inkling he likes me too. I will take my time talking with him and doing those old background checks but he has a decent set of male friends who are respectful and kind so this all bodes well. What was fab was that suddenly, the past didn't matter anymore. When you are ready, you are ready. Never think moping and feeling down and lonely is time wasted. You are healing. You are processing. This is essential because it means you are a conscientious person who is trying to learn and understand. For some questions, you will get no answer. At this point, you have to shrug your shoulders and put the kettle on for a cup of tea! But when you meet a man who sets off your chemistry, you'll just know. The love train hasn't fallen off your tracks honey. It's still there, it just had a big hill to climb. Be safe and happy and take your time xxx
Oct 30 - 6AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Love again....yes

But i am not so easily attracted to someone...But yes lately my heart did beat harder when i saw this guy...yes i think i can,but the shadow of my Dark Angel still over me...It sucks

Aceonelady

Oct 30 - 6AM
NPDhater
NPDhater's picture

Yes! But the reality check i

Yes! But the reality check i take is that!!! thats exactly how N's feel! if not careful we will turn into exactly what they want us to be. same as them! now i dont know about you? But me? no thanks....
Oct 30 - 5AM
Gaia
Gaia's picture

you did yoruself a favor!

As hard as it is, and I know it hurts like hell, if you did push a narc away , you did yourself a GREAT justice. They are poison, not a man. I feel just as you do, feel like I will NEVER trust anyone again. But, I have hope that I will find the strength to trust, somehow. We just have to keep educating ourselves, to not fall victim again. To look with all 3 eyes, and search the heart of the man first. Do not fall fast,take your time. If he thinks its worth it, he will wait. AND YOU ARE WORTH IT! Hang tight sister, I know its hard, I am only 2 weeks out, and the deception is treacherous. *BIG HUGS* SG
Oct 30 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

You ladies are awesome. I

You ladies are awesome. I needed to hear this today:)