Can they taste a dose of their own Medicine?

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#1 May 16 - 7AM
Kiwi2005
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Can they taste a dose of their own Medicine?

Hey Guys!

I've dumped & told my Narc to never contact me again... For the first time he actually stopped for 2 days or so...

However, after learning so much about them and knowing exactly where they're coming from I'd love to just feed his ego, get him right where I want him and pretty much go NC- I know it hurts them because they do feel like they're nothing (which they are).

I know its bad to think this way, especially considering these people don't have feelings- but wouldn't it just be nice? >:) My only problem? I think he knows I'm onto him (damnit)!

Has anyone done this and been successful?

May 16 - 4PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"Ridicule is the only weapon"

Saul Alinsky, founder of the Industrial Areas Foundation, and author of "Rules for Radicals" as well as "Reveille for Radicals" famously said that ridicule is the ONLY weapon that leaves people defenseless. The ex-Psych prof took this Alinsky quote seriously. It was one of his favorites. The ex-P would literally RUN AWAY from ridicule. Once, he said "I run from ridicule." If he thought I was laughing at him, he'd (a)end the conversation (b)command me to "get serious" or his perennial favorite (c)run away. He idolized Arthur Schopenhauer, who ran out of a salon when it mocked his mentors. He couldn't endure being mocked, for him it was as comfortable as a date with an iron maiden... yet he cruelly mocked others. After the final D&D, the senior skit mocked the ex-P. The senior skit ridicules the professors. During the grand finale that ridiculed him... he got up out of the front row&ran out... of course, I recounted it to him in glorious detail the next day, telling him he REALLY missed out. Ridicule would send him running the other way when I dealt with him in the flesh. No wonder I've ridiculed him when I've broken NC ;)
May 16 - 4PM (Reply to #42)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Ahh it must have been so nice

Ahh it must have been so nice to watch the Senior Skit :) lol!!! Well I had iniated no contact serveral times and this time he went along for 2 whole days, then he texted me simply saying "hey whats up?" well hoping that I could dose him with his own meds I responded and well he ignored... so today I decided to email him asking him if he'd want me to stop contacting him? His response? I can't be worried about you, me, and us right now. I just can't I hope you can really understand and just be happy. SO I take it as him saying "I dont want you contacting me but I wont directly say so because I need to keep you open in case my other NS's fall through" I loved your response! Sounds like you had a really interesting one on your hands ;)
May 16 - 5PM (Reply to #43)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

He got compared to Colin Firth...

Except Colin Firth has talent, is an actor FOR REAL, has a healthy weight AND good teeth! When the ex-P got triangulated with Mr. Darcy/George VI, he lost out. Big time. And now that Colin won an Oscar as a stuttering monarch... ouch... I'd rather be ogling Colin. "Sounds like you had a really interesting one on your hands"-After the final D&D, I spoke him to clinically. I might as well have been his therapist. Maybe if I break NC, I'll just call him my specimen. He was a patient at Worcester State Hospital... so he's probably the reason why UMass Medical interns got their majors in psychology. After him, I felt like my alma mater owed me a major in psychology. Yes, I got a double major in philosophy&math... but I got to pick his brain. I was his student... NOT his lover, girlfriend or wife. So I got lucky.
May 16 - 5PM (Reply to #44)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Susan! So interesting...

Susan! So interesting... Psychology was my Minor and while I thought that the ex was a pathological liar, I was shocked when his father told me he had been diagnosed with NPD... how nice :) At least I was told and I'm thankful for that, but it could have saved me a 4 months had I been told sooner! Very interesting about speaking to the Prof clincally... did he know you were doing that? Or did he think you guys were just "communicating" I'm surprised he didn't shut down, honestly.
May 16 - 2PM
prinseis33
prinseis33's picture

So typical

They initiate to then ignore....good one! These fools need to come together and get some new tricks I swear!! Yep he's just trying to regain control and make u crazy I'm sure of it!! Epic fails
May 16 - 10AM
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

I won!!

I won, I ditched him before he could (3rd time I ditched him but went back 2x), actually he never would break up with me, it was always me, but I lived with his double life that I started to suspect a long time ago. I put up with some crap but the benefits outweighed so I kept staying (vacations, shopping, expensive dinners and some really fun, great times). Then after the 2nd break up, he came groveling back to the extreme of extremes,but everything they say here is right, it took 7 months of him trying/me ignoring or being indifferent, when that didn't work he upped the anty....$1,000 shopping spree, vacation to St. Maarten telling me how much he loved me, planning future things, etc..(lasted 1 month)..drum roll....the week after we got back from vacation I noticed his "N" self coming back and the minute he made one comment to me that I didn't like/was inappropriate (part of the devaluing I guess), I blocked him from ever contacting me again. He knows this is the final and last time, I can't play the game anymore, got off the rollercoaster for good. He can't suck me back in again, he has nothing left to promise and the mask was unveiled again....3rd time. Never even had a conversation, all I got was 3 VM apologies for the comment and 3 invitations to dinner then I blocked him. He has other supply (I wasn't the main one this 3rd time) but I hope I caused him a little bit of misery anyway. I used him for the sick deluted Narc that he is and don't regret one bit of it!!! No one will treat me badly..stay strong ladies, be indifferent, these men will suck the life out of us!!!
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #23)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

So someone can kick me now, I

So someone can kick me now, I just emailed him and said "I really need to know that you no longer want me contacting you." Wow reading that alone makes me sound beyond desperate. A lot like you, I've been "detached" for about 2 months back then I thought he was a pathological liar, was talking to other girls and when I pointed it out to his Dad, he dad decided to tell me he'd been diagnosed with NPD. Here's the thing he's always come after me, then when I realized all I need to do is feed his ego, I tried doing that but he won't take it. For example he didnt contact me for a few days and finally said something, when I replied to that- he stopped, sent another text- nothing, so I emailed- in hopes he'd want to keep me on a hook for when NS runs out. I know its a control thing, but I'd really like to let him feel he's in control & then boom outta no where go NC >:) Thanks for your story =)
May 16 - 3PM (Reply to #28)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Kiwi

What do you think you are accomplishing? you are Prolonging a bad end result! You are making excuses for your behavior! His behavior is accounted for. He has a disorder, he is out to hurt you! They only one who will win here is him! Why? Because he doesn't care about you or anyone, he can't, he's sick! So I'll ask again, What do you think you gained by texting him? Hunter
May 16 - 3PM (Reply to #29)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Ugh! Nothing!

Seriously I feel like I'm 3 years old and I need my every move to be watched! I was doing amazing... then he texted this "hey whats up" and I responded then his ass ignored me... then today I emailed again like I'm fricking 2... he did respond... his respond... "I cant be worried about u, me and us. I just can't right now, I hope you can really understand and just be happy" So in code he tells me not to contact him but indirectly so he can keep the line open.... I feel stupid not because of him but because of me! I know what I need to do, I have some amazing days where I'm Iron woman and then days like today where I'm jello! UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! Dont worry though! I'll be just fine because I gained nothing and even if I killed him with my bare hands I'd gain nothing- because at the end of the day like you said he's a sick, unhealthy, ill person! Thanks for the wake up comment ;)
May 16 - 3PM (Reply to #30)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Kiwi

Next time write here or call me! Happy is my sponsor! I was mad sat because I've gained so much stress weight none of my close fit! I wanted to call him but I vented to her instead! This works best, communicating with them is a waste of time! Call me or find a buddy here to help! Hunter
May 16 - 3PM (Reply to #31)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Aww Thanks

I know... but I just feel like maybe I'm a bit "too active" on the site, but I feel like everyone here are the ONLY ones who understand... not my mom, sister, friends or other family! But thank you to you and everyone else!!! P.S. okay so you've been stressed and your clothes don't fit as well--- we've all been there--- its called, "I turned into non-hottness while I was with your negative ass... so now that you're gone... well you'll see in a few months ;)" I too gained a few, but then I lost it as soon as his DEADWEIGHT ass was completely gone physically!
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #36)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Kiwi

You can NEVER be too active on this site!! This site will keep you grounded and on the right path. Don't you ever worry about being too active on here!! This place is a lifesaver!!
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #37)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Sara I'm never leaving you, you crack me up!!!

LOL! Believe me, even if I left the site, years later I hope to be able to find Sara on here... I can definitely "use" you ;) LOL I'm still LOLing!!! Haha! You guys are Awesome! Thank you! Much
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #38)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Kiwi

GOOD!!! You have made me laugh more today than I have in a long time!!! That is another reason why this site is a lifesaver! When you are raging mad and tears are pouring you can come here and somebody will make you laugh! AND where else can you go and say that you wish your Narc would die a slow horrible death and nobody on the site is surprised and most of the feel the same way!!!!! We had a post a few months back about HOW we wanted them to die! It's awesome here!
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Sara

Good I'm glad you think I'm funny... I really am... but you know for months I was told "You need to lighten up a bit" WELL MAYBE if I wasn't with pathological liar, NPD, bf I would lighten up honey :) LOL! This is true, we can pretty much plot on this website and not get in trouble ;) Speaking of plotting. Has your NARC or anyone's NARC been afraid of them? Given mine might have been paranoid due to drug withdrawals... a few weeks back we were talking about his work schedule... next thing I get a call asking "Are you trying to send people up here to beat me up" UMM WTF? Did you forget your testicles in jail?
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

KIWI

No stay here. Its the best place for you right now. Others cant understand. Leave your friends for fun. tell us your deal. We get it. Hunter
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #33)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

I know Hunter!!!

You guys are amazing, I love listening to the stories and lets face it you guys... We actually have SOME fun on here, its not just always serious and depressing =) P.S. is Hunter a texter? No? Yes?
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #34)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

kiwi

Text? Sure, I cant spell type or Text but for an old lady I do my best. Hunter
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #35)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Hunter & Texting? Impressive :)

Reminds me of my Mom she's has a few years on you... but when she first started texting I'd literally spend about 5 minutes trying to DECODE what the hell she wrote LOL! I asked because that would be used for entertainment purposes if there were any :)
May 16 - 12PM (Reply to #26)
terri
terri's picture

Kiwi

I think the fact that needs to be reiterated here is that ANY CONTACT with these clowns is playing into their control. Even when you think YOU'RE in control, if you're communicating with them, you're feeding their ego. The beauty of NC, other than it gives you the time to heal, is that they have absolutely NO CONTROL over anything about you anymore. It drives them crazy because they have no idea what you're doing anymore, who you're with, how happy you are, where you're going without them, etc. etc. etc. They can't control what they have ABSOLUTELY NO ACCESS TO. And actually, if you can stay NC until you've achieved that complete indifference and have been able to move on to a happier life without them, then you have achieved the ultimate payback - total abandonment. Any attention you pay them, even negative angry attention, only makes them more assured that you still care about them and they can still get to you emotionally. Believe me, it's taken me a very long time to come to this conclusion and am still having trouble letting go - just like everyone else here. But I take great pleasure and satisfaction in knowing that NOT hearing from me is making him feel unimportant and unloved. Excellent.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

May 16 - 3PM (Reply to #27)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Loved this! Thank you... TOO

Loved this! Thank you... TOO BAD I read it after I sent him an email :) haha! Its okay though, he responded to that email and I haven't and won't reply. I get 2 weeks vacation from work and will be leaving the state during that time so I know I'll be doing some healing :)
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #24)
Used
Used's picture

kiwi205

I AM SORRY YOU HAVE DONE THAT, YOU ALREADY HAD THE CONTROL BY YOUR NC. IVE HAD A COUPLE OF GOOD DAYS ,FOLLOWING THE REALY BAD DAYS I HAD IN THE WEEK, BUT COS I GOT SUCH A LOT OF HELP HERE IN THOSE DAYS, SPINNING WACEAT AND EVERYONE, I OVERCOME IT. JUST B/C I SAID I PLANNED TO GET OUT AND I DID GET OUT IT WAS STILL VERY TRAUMATIC, ITS ONLY PEOPLE ON HERE PAST AND PRESENT WHO GOT ME THRU, WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THO I AM OK TODAY I WONT EVER GET COMPLACENT THE REASON BEIGN, THIS MAN BECAME MY EVERYTHING AND HE REELED ME IN ONCE AND ON A BAD DAY MAYBE COULD AGAIN?. YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM. OK I GOT OUT, BUT THERE IS A LITTLE BIT MORE TO THE STORY THAN THAT, I JUST DONT WANT TO GO INTO IT HERE, YOU MIGHT NOT BE SO LUCKY, PLEASE DONT GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM AGAIN, DONT TRY AND PLAY HIM AT THIS GAME, JUST MY ADVICEXX
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #25)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

THANK YOU :)

Okay so I am definitely going to take your advice... Everyone's been saying Don't even try it or what not, but the fact that you DID it and you're still telling me not to- I know there's a reason behind it. I should probably also mention that this Narc is a drug addict and has been in trouble with the law- still is currently in trouble with the law. I feel SOOO STUPID for ever even responding to the hi whats up text... because its since then the ignoring has started!!! It just sucks... some days I'm like Iron woman and some days I'm like freaking jello! I don't get it! I KNOW this person isn't good for me in any way, shape or form... but he became a routine, one thats hard to break, one that has caused me to know look at EVERY guy and wonder "is he a narc too?" I'm a pretty stubborn person, as the people that know me, they would suggest a Therapist, but they too, feel that the people on here would be of better hellp- because you guys ACTUALLY GET IT! I mean I get it, but I don't understand what it is that he has over me. Some days I feel like he could beat the crap out of me and I'd take it- how silly does that sound? Anyways! Thank you so much for your advice and even if he does respond to my email about should I stop contacting him- I'll still remain NC! THANK YOU!
May 16 - 10AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

No! Sorry, but you would

No! Sorry, but you would only be setting yourself up for pain.
May 16 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You can't win at this

You can't win at this game! Hunter
May 16 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
Used
Used's picture

hunter

you think not?, i am the one who went nc, i am the one who stuck to it. he is the one who stalks me. he is the one who wont give up. I WON.
May 16 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Used

You my dear, did win! Hunter
May 16 - 9AM (Reply to #15)
Used
Used's picture

HUNTER

THANKYOU FOR THAT, OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE BEEN PLOTTING A REMATCH WITH HIM.LOLXX
May 16 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Used

Orange is not your color! Hunter
May 16 - 10AM (Reply to #17)
Used
Used's picture

hunter

i dont know what that means