Can someone give me advice about this jealousy?

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#1 Jun 3 - 6PM
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Can someone give me advice about this jealousy?

I should not have looked, but I cannot block facebook business pages. His new business is going like gangbusters...all this publicity and photos and I feel like he kicked me to the curb so I could experience none of it.

I know it is stupid on my part. But I was supposed to be a part of it and now I am the one suffering.

I know I should count my blessings and "man-up", but it is obvious he just used me to fill a void until the business
became a reality...2nd location opening after 2 months and franchises on the way.

Pity-party me is struggling to make a living now.

F*CK!!!!!!!!!

Jun 6 - 4PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Your re-action is totally

Your re-action is totally normal. You should feel jealous you were part of something that had value to you and he took it away. I had this happen a few months ago with a business I started and I brought in a partner. He made my life miserable so after reading the posts I decided to sell out. I did and the business looked like it was really going to take off. It has been 8 months and his clients are ZERO and the business is a disaster. I am the only one who made any money! I think I should be decent about it so I am the only client he has! I just eat it up. He is so humble and changed from the arrogant guy who kicked me to the curb. He has marvelous skills in construction and should have made it but they don't. Yours won't either. they come out of the box strong but their lack of emotional intelligence gets in the way. It always goes wrong. Think of what you want to do now. what he did was terrible but now you have to move on for your own survival. who knows what fun and good thing is waiting for you just around the corner.
Jun 4 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ADD/ ADHD

Psycho-Boy told me he and his kids are all severely ADHD and used that as his excuse for everything. Using the prison population - it was found that almost 90% of the sociopaths were untreated ADHD kids. That's not ADHD Monica - that's PATHOLOGY!!! (btw I have an ADD child so I do not believe ADHD is inevitably Sociopathy... it depends on if the child gets help and intervention early) ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 5 - 4AM (Reply to #34)
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

ADD and other brain/immune disorders caused by modern living???

That is very interseting indeed. I work with students and yourg people with all sorts of medium to high functioning SpLD and behavioural problmes... and I wonder how many of these young people have become 'ill' been born 'ill' becasue of environmental factors and diet amd stress, duiring and after preganancy in mothers, difficuilt birth, affects of assisted biths etc. modern life in all its guises.. I see more and more ADHD, autism, Aspergers, tourettes, MS, and lots of other immuned deficieny based illness. I have systemic candidiasis myself and fybromylagia symptoms and I know mine was poor child hood diet and use of many drugs prescribed and illegal. So I have tried to get healthier as I have lived my life. I ask my students, do you smoke, do you eat vegtables, do you take the anti-depressants, do you see your parents or spend much time with your fmaily, are you parents at home, are they divroced, etc etc, what I allowoed to ask is one level and what is not my job is another but I see more and more of these very often introverted people, so deeply introspective and yet so often misunderstood becasue they find it hard to undesrstand that you have that process for yourself.... I dont know a few of these young people are very angry and lonely and isolated in so many ways. Not narcassitic, maybe self obsessed, maybe even a little extrovert in many ways, but certainly not narcassitic as of yet... I I can imagine though that in prison and coming from families on low incomes and living in poverty would mean that there was more scope for these young poeple with emotinial/mental/physcial issues to certainly become infected by a very hard society that pours narcissitic values into the mix. I can imagine most prisons are not a place where in less you are a very strong minded you sercumb to the game playing of an institution. I just dont know either if thats ADHD... and maybe pathologies and other 'illness' arrise fom similair circumstances. I can imagine your even born with some traits that are genteically encoded but I also believe that circumstances are a key. I bet if Hitler was born to a kind and loving mother he probably, only probably, who can say for sure, he would not have masacrard millions of people. but should you really blames Hitlers mother for it all???? What environmental factors can be acconted for any childs life where upon 'it' grows up to be socipathic? I certainly do not believe that ADD is certain to be sociopathic either. It's so much more complex that that and some children with N parents grow up to be N too while others can become the most opposite and be either prayed upon by N's through out there lives or recognise N's a mile off.. and scarper... Its an interersting disease after you get past the digustingness of it, that the qualities of N seem prevalant in our 'me me me' society. I wonder if there is much N in Africa, in Ghana where people live on the streets and beg and barter and live in the filth of the West's toxic waste... probably not but I worry about how the capitalist agenda feeds into the problem, by bringing the digusting traits to the rest of the world... ?
Jun 5 - 4PM (Reply to #35)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

In 9 times out of 10, in

In 9 times out of 10, in identical twins, if one has autism, so will the other. I wonder if this is so with Pathology?
Jun 3 - 10PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

Block

Anything concerning my XN I have blocked. I avoid certain gyms @ certain times, avoid nearby streets and grocery stores and even mutual people we know. All those feelings of jealousy, anger, hate, and resentment are halfway avoided when u eliminate them permanently from your life. Once I can train my mind to forget him, then life will be perfect.
Jun 3 - 10PM (Reply to #29)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

enoughalready

you don't 'train your mind' - you do that with a therapist. How's that going??? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 3 - 11PM (Reply to #30)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

barbara

It was going well. But moved a couple hrs away last week for the summer. In process of finding another therapist for marriage counseling and for myself while I'm away for the summer. Alittle irritated w/ my therapist as she talks on the phone for 15 mins w/ another client upstairs knowing I'm downstairs waiting. Then I only get 45 mins w/ her before another client shows up. She has done this several times now and so I told her I'll be gone for the summer, I don't want to go back to her anymore for that reason alone.
Jun 3 - 11PM (Reply to #31)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

enoughalready

http://ptsd.factsforhealth.org/help/searchclinic1.asp ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 3 - 11PM (Reply to #32)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

Barbara

Thanks so much.
Jun 3 - 8PM
broken23
broken23's picture

p.s facebook is the devil.

p.s facebook is the devil. block everything associated with him. enter a password for yourself before getting on to fb like parental control! make the password dont go there:)
Jun 3 - 8PM
broken23
broken23's picture

mine used me too. he

mine used me too. he complained about money all the time. a few months into the relationship i was lending him all sorts of cash (i made four times his salary). because i actually loved the freak, not only did i help, i wanted to improve his life so i reviewed his resumes. got him a research position through a friend at a ivy league institute, sorted out his financial/credit card mess, did his taxes, helped out on other legal/property matters. at the end, he was debt free and had a nice surplus in his bank account and i got laid off!! i didnt as so much get a thank you card or a present or a dinner out. i was so hurt, i actually thought and expected when his monetary worries were gone he would be nicer and he might do something thoughtful. and you know what he said when i asked him to help me out. in my time of need...why are you such a money grabber? hitandrun, all they know how to do is use and abuse. im so sorry that he took advantage of you. it pisses me off for you and me!! but you know what... what goes up must come down. this success he has found will eventually be challenged. i dont know what kind of a business he is in. but starting a business and sustaining one is two different things. as for you, if you helped him get here, you obviously have talent that can find its way again and best of all you have the freedom to do so. you have lots to offer intellectually and emotionally and that will get you farther then he ever will.
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #18)
Monica
Monica's picture

Izzy23 - what my therapist told me tonight.....

I was telling her that what REALLY hurt - even more than the personal dissing - was his total lack of thanks or appreciation or any heartfelt words when he left our department. Like you, I was hurt in a big way by this. My therapist said to me, "Why should he thank you or show you any appreciation or say kind words? HE'S A NARCISSIST. He believes that it is YOU who should be thankful and appreciative that he ALLOWED you to work with and for him." Wow...that totally hit home for me. But I guess I fulfilled this as I threw him a nice lunch (expensive, too), bought a gift and presented it from everyone in the office, wrote him a long, heartfelt note in a card for him to read on his own time after he left for the last time. (He never once commented on that card or what I wrote in it.) So, I had given him (once again) what he wanted and expected from me; and, once again, he gave me nothing. Zip, zero, nada. I had accepted that the personal stuff was OVER when he walked out that door and drove away. It was my wish. Imagine my shock when he contacted me the very next business day. What a freak.
Jun 3 - 11PM (Reply to #21)
broken23
broken23's picture

monica i totally get it.

monica i totally get it. being there for someone and genuinely wanting them to succeed and then being treated like shit...it really hurt. it is insane to think that he thinks he was entitled to it but i believe your therapist to be right b/c that is certainly how he acted. that he is entitled to all that came his way by means of me. what did he say the next day when he contacted you? im assuming not thanks
Jun 4 - 6AM (Reply to #22)
Monica
Monica's picture

He never said thanks for all I did for him...

And even though he wanted to stay connected sexually, he never even once told me that he missed me, despite many months of hoovering attempts. I told him that one day. "You never once have said you missed me." He replied, "I'm sure I have told you that." I said, "No, you didn't, because I have been waiting for you to say it and you never did." Somewhere in that conversation he threw back at me, "Don't judge me!" Okay...so...he left without so much as a thank you or show of appreciation or card or any appreciative gesture and he still wants me to be "available" to him when he is in town (only on HIS schedule of course) and he is accusing me of judging him?? Oh, puh-lease!!! I think you can guess what he said when he contacted me the next business day. He wanted to have sex. And I also know he wanted to keep in touch with me so he could still know what was happening in our department and what his "buddies" in there were up to. He gets NEITHER from me.
Jun 4 - 9PM (Reply to #26)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Good for you Monica

It is tough to stand your ground,,especially when you are accostomed to befriending him like the BF you thought you had,,,. They only use us for "information" and to get us to get to someone else. It is like they play us like a card,,,if I am in with Monica,,,I can be in with the boss, I can be in with the boss' assistant...she has a lot of credibility, and I will build myself on that,,, They build themselves us over us..it is sick...seen it,,done it,,been there,,,big time...
Jun 4 - 6AM (Reply to #23)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

denied

Psycho-Boy outrightly DENIED I ever helped him with anything. I gotta wonder who's fixing his "writing" now because he can't spell, let alone string more than 2 thoughts together at a time. No he denied it!!! though I had a lot of it still on my old computer. We really are nothing to them. These freaks. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 4 - 7PM (Reply to #24)
Monica
Monica's picture

Barbara...I wonder the same thing...who is keeping him on task

Mine is ADD/ADHD (and, as he admitted himself, "a whole lot of other D's). His success came from me keeping him focused and on task, planning out his days, having everything ready for him to go out and do his job, then making him look good when it was put all together at the end of the day. And since I work very quickly and very precisely, I made him the highest producing person in the department. I wonder, too....who is keeping him on task now?? Who is proofreading all this work, making the appropriate corrections so he doesn't look like an idiot, who is making him look successful and intelligent and productive at the end of the day? I can only think of one thing....he is scr*wing his new assistant and using and conning her just like he did me. She is working long hours, more than anyone else in the office, because he has her conned and brainwashed and manipulated, too. Because there is no way he can be succeeding on his own. But they will never admit this. They will never admit that anyone ever "helped" them with anything, because they are just too good and too perfect to ever admit to needing or accepting "help" from any of the lowly creatures who are below them. They don't need anyone's help. Yeah. Right.
Jun 4 - 9PM (Reply to #25)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

When you help them completely get on track,,,and screw you

All the above posts,,,DITTO for me!! I helped mine get up in running in the business,..took 2 years of training, dedication and organizing with him,,not so much as a thank you,,,or credit,,in fact just the opposite,,,when he started to get the hang of things,,,comments to the entire company were "nobody helped me",,,they are so vainglorious it is pathetic,,,I couldn't believe my ears when I heard this,,,I helped him run his first 25 APPOINTMENTS,,,he had NOTHING.. They dis us behind our backs,,,and need us for every step of the way while we are with them,,pathetic freaks ,,,
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

What a freak

That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? Monica, thank you for the laugh...they are freaks : )
Jun 3 - 11PM (Reply to #20)
broken23
broken23's picture

yes freaks of nature for

yes freaks of nature for sure. hope youre feeling better by night time! tomm is a new day!
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #16)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Izzy23

Facebook IS the devil. I have blocked him and all his family and friends but can't do it with a biz page. This is such a mind f*ck isn't it? You helped him get his life back together and he sh*ts on you when you need him the most(sorry everyone..I am being a potty mouth tonight.) Most of the women, like yourself, that I have come in contact with on this board are intelligent, talented, empathetic, most likely AMAZING individuals. And this is who these demons go after. Well, I always fantasized about having a demon lover after all the spooky novels I read as a teenager. Guess I got my wish. I look forward to the day when I have no cognitive dissonance and believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that he is a disordered, pathological NON-HUMAN.
Jun 3 - 10PM (Reply to #17)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Just a little note about novels

I have just started reading the Twilight series on the recommendation of my daughter. And I was thinking, "Why do I need to read a book about being in love with a vampire? Been there, done that!" LOL
Jun 3 - 7PM
Monica
Monica's picture

Welcome to my world....

Looking at my xN/P's Facebook page sent me into a horrible, terrible tail spin. It was the biggest mistake I made during NC. It IS contact, the worse kind, because you see what his life is like now (and the new people in his life) when you look at Facebook. It smacks you in the face (no pun intended!)and sends you falling backwards on the floor. I did it one time and will never, ever do it again. I am even seriously considering deleting my own Facebook account. I never go on anymore anyway. The temptation is too great so I just do not log on at all. May as well delete it. Mine used me (professionally as well as personally) to make him a success. He had a terrible reputation before I started working with him and I changed all that for him. I made him the best of the best in his department. People in the company who saw him as a screw-off changed their tune because of me. I have a lot of respect in my company (I earned it, unlike xN/P) so what I said and thought mattered. And, indeed, I worked my a*s off for him and did make him the success he turned out to be. He used me to improve his reputation (and, therefore, his resume and references) then moved on and out - to a better job with a much higher salary - without so much as a thank you or card or "I really liked working with you" or any kind of appreciation whatsoever. Not a word. That was actually worse for me than the personal crap he put me through (which I ended after he left, and his many attempt to hoover me). It has taken therapy, anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants to help me through these very dark days (and nights). I don't care that he moved on without me. I am glad he is out of my life. I am so much less stressed both professionally and personally. But, like you, I was used to fill a void until better things came along for him...better things that he got in a big part because of ME. But the fact that he is out of my life and off bothering someone else (I assume - he is an intellectual narc) and I am free of all the stress and emotional and mental abuse and I am no longer being USED...that more than makes up for knowing how well he is (supposedly) doing right now. Focus on YOU and not his alleged successes. He is not hurting or abusing or using you anymore. That has to be worth A LOT!
Jun 3 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Thanks, Monica

None of it makes sense some days. My new therapist really gets it. The problem is I don't get it half the time. He treated me like a Queen until the end. But there were signs I chose to ignore and that is one of the things I am taking a look at. I weighed the periodic drinking binges against what I perceived to be good qualities. Just last night someone said to me, "Don't you think he just fell out of love with you?" WHAAAAAAAAT? How he left me was messed up...you don't do that to people. There must be a way to block facebook biz pages. I have to work with them, but I don't have to look at this page...my bad. Here's the deal...I'm still wanting that life that I was supposed to have. I know it is wrong. I know I need to let it go. But I hold on like a dog with a bone and all it does is torment me. Yeah, I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds now(great.) Going to therapy and listening to Brown's hypnosis tape. I am just pissed because I feel like the rug was ripped out form underneath me. I feel like my life was stolen. I am gone now. And it is frickin' hard to believe that the Universe has another plan for me and I dodged a bullet, cause right now I am in hell. There is no Pollyanna in me today!!!
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
Monica
Monica's picture

Hit and Run...how long have you been NC?

I saw my therapist tonight. (She gets it, too!) I told her that I have found that the longer I am NC, the less anxious, emotional, sad, etc. I am. And the longer I don't hear from him, the stronger I feel to handle it in the event he ever tries a third hoovering attempt. I also have a hard time believing that the Universe has another plan for me (I already know that I dodged a bullet big time) but my therapist is now working on showing me how this traumatic experience has actually taught me some good things, like how to set boundaries for myself, which I never knew how to do before. I am now setting appropriate boundaries both at work and in my personal life. And I feel great about that. Not having boundaries affected me negatively in many areas of my life, which I would not have recognized had I not gotten involved with xN/P. My therapist has pointed out many ways in which this experience has actually changed me for the better. You will let go in time, I just know you will. A few months ago I never would have believed that I would get to where I am today, but I did. And, yes, try to figure out a way to block that Facebook page! Maybe you could Google it and find out what others might do to block those pages. I am going to delete my page soon. All my family and friends are on there but it just isn't worth the trauma.
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

NC...Monica

Well, the last time I had any communication with him was March 24 via email. He D&D'd me March 7th. But I looked at his Facebook business page today, so I broke no contact. I got the paperwork that my court date has been scheduled, but he hasn't been served yet...wish I could see his face when that happens : ) Yeah, I'll be googling it...but I think this one is going to be a matter of self-control(what's that?)because the nature of a biz page is so everyone can see it. Thanks, Monica. I'll get through it kicking and screaming and crying. And hopefully,like you, will see the blessing in the curse.
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #13)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hitandrun

This is very new for you still, sensitivities, hurt...the really deep kind, confusion, etc...all are still at peaking levels. So looking at his FB is like being run over by a steamroller. I got so sick of feeling 'steam-rolled', the last really crappy incident for me is when I discovered exN went back to old-supply GF. It was shocking at the time. I had to tell myself that he was not treating her differently, that he's still the same sorry S.O.B., and I actually started feeling worried for her. I know she is not a bad person, and as much as it initially hurt, I hope for her sake she wises up to what he is and runs. In other words, when you experience this kind of pain, you must really revert back to what an N IS. Why do you think he's showing off on FB? Because it's the PERFECT environment for an N to display their faux-greatness, to boast and brag. It's such a 'look at me!' playground, an opportunity for an N to sharpen all that matters to them...their image. He MUST have this to survive. He MUST look good. He MUST have the admiration of unsuspecting others. This is all this is about. Not that he's truly happy, fulfilled, or appreciative of his success. Not that he came by it honestly, with good intentions and a strong ethic. If there was an opportunity to step on someone in order to help HIS success, your damn straight he'd do it! Try to keep what the true N perspective is when you find yourself in these very difficult situations. It does help. Hugs!
Jun 4 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
GIJ
GIJ's picture

I agree with showing off on FB

Mine had stopped paying staff. They were all reeling from it. Their financial loss has been devastating. He also claimed he also was broke and going hungary, yet up goes the pics on FB of him going out to restaurants and parties. Totally insensitive. Anybody that really knows gets it. Anybody that doesn't get it is fair game to be fresh meat. They don't know of the danger lurking right in front of them. BUT WE DO !!! Who needs it?
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
Introspection
Introspection's picture

okay, let's walk this one to its logical conclusion...

"Here's the deal...I'm still wanting that life that I was supposed to have. I know it is wrong. I know I need to let it go." So he continues to treat you like a queen and you marry him. A few months go by he is still treating you like a queen, you find out you are pregnant...the happiest day of your life! He now starts withdrawing, while you are pregnant. You now have two lifes to be concerned about, yours and your babies'. You have your baby and hardly see him anymore. You start noticing the dropped phone calls and that he is not intimate with you anymore. He doesn't financially support you now either, he gambles every penny he earns to include yours. You are in pain because he appears to have totally lost his love for you, in fact, he acts as if he hates you. He is drinking a lot and at times, becoming physically abusive. Your suspicion that he is cheating on you is confirm one day when you are snooping in his computer and find tons or porn, emails to other women and in some cases, these women are prostitutes. How could he, he does not touch you anymore...are you that repulsive? Your baby is now five and your finances are not in order but you got to get out of this hell. You are now completely mentally messed up since now you've been exposed to this N for over 8 years. Your baby also appears to not be coping well with this life. If you are lucky, you'll divorce and start your life again. If you are not so lucky, at the time you decide to divorce your credit is ruined so you can't even qualify to rent an apartment much less a home; you are now much older and bitter; OR you don't survive this ordeal! I think you REALLY don't want the life that you were "suppose" to have with him!
Jun 4 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Introspection

this post of yours is brilliant!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller