Can someone explain this to me

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Jul 4 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

We've been lied to for so

We've been lied to for so long... we become skeptical and need more facts to come to conclusions one way or another. At least I know it will take me a long time to be able trust anyone again (yes, especially men). Welcome TopGun, and pls forgive the skepticism. You must probably understand why....???
Jul 4 - 9AM (Reply to #20)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

gettinbetter use your own

gettinbetter use your own judgement, thats your free right. Do not try to influence others judgement, thats not your right. Its quite possible this mans partner is a borderline. Why dont you PM him? however he has set off quite a few alarms and I for one am not comfortable. He been reading up, without posting his story. His explanation very strange. BTW hes not the only male on this forum, if he wants to use that as a reason for our discomfit. I for one smell a rat.
Jul 4 - 12PM (Reply to #21)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

arent you influencing peoples

arent you influencing peoples judgement?I didnt say whether he was or wasnt a narc. I simply said people are jumping to conclusion with very little facts. Thats not an opinion its a fact. What do you really know of this man? He hasnt posted that much? Sorry to me this a whole lynch mob mentality based on very little information and its almost a little disturbing. He may very well be a Narc but the fact is if people are coming to that conclusion after a few posts thats a problem. Just dont respond to him. Its as simple as that
Jul 3 - 4PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Top gun

Yes it would be best to post your "tale" as you put it..whatever you feel is best for you and if you would be so kind it would make me more able to be here and deal with my own healing if you didnt post to me, personally anymore... please dont I do not feel uncomfortable with you I dont like how I feel when I read your posts to me and I have learned to listen and be very repsectful of that I also have learned that I dont need to explain my self Im uncomfortable that is explanation enough... I do, however wish you all the very best all deserve happieness and love there is may you find it. be blessed K
Jul 3 - 3PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

TG

Hi I dont see it as being blunt your saying your piece..bravo no offense taken, I assure you I am certian that 9,000 is alot its all relative the amount isnt really the issue its the amount of importance you attach to it its the fact that we are still even discussing money I just feel that you are evasive to say that you dont know what you did to make her suffer is curious Oh and by the way I dont have a doctor in the house and Im not privelidged... whatever I have attained, or hope to attain has come from many years of back breaking hard work physican heal thyself, are my words for Dr Narc you cant heal what you dont identify. be blessed K
Jul 3 - 3PM (Reply to #17)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

Its a play on words

since you said the guy was a doctor, and by the way since you brought up computers,I also got her one the case wasn't brand new but every internal component was (A GIFT FROM OUR IT DEPT) , and got told look at that piece of shit (guess thats why they say dont judge a book by its cover), hows that for appreciation ,when the one she has was taken out of a dumpster. Money is not the issue with me ,appreciation and respect is, I have always stated to anyone I have been involved with that whatever I have ,I share ,I assume that's what a relationship is ,its the being taken advantage of I don't care for.As far as getting back to the suffering part I have no idea , but maybe this will shed some light on it ,I was told that even though she has no job that a real boyfriend would never have let it get this far(her eviction) well wtf does that mean that the 9000 was letting it get that far and then the person on top of it calls it chump change, excuse me but maybe that's when I told her to get fucked and get a job then , and was told I insulted her by telling her to get a job, explain that to me and make it sound like suffering because it makes no sense to me. I mean I would love to sit on my ass and look for the next chump on a dating site while she worked and see what her response would be. Sorry for getting a little annoyed but I feel for the women on here and joined only to try and show that it also happens to men. U will see as I post more and maybe explain a little better that I am correct in my assumption of her,I just don't want to take up the entire section with my tale since there are many on here already in pain ,but I will in the section where we can tell our story.
Jul 3 - 3PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

just a thought

Hi there you may feel differntly but I persoanlly think that all you wrote in your post says it all its like recording in the studio and so many times I say to the producer "I would like to do it over" they are often so kimd and say "sure so we do.. and every single time the first "Take" is exactly spot on no re-takes needed yes, we could ALL write a book but it is in the 'essence" that we find the answers that is the most powerful the details are just that...details an opportuntity for you to vent..that is healing I wont be reading be blessed K
Jul 3 - 2PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Top Gun

well, honestly I was not going to reply to this post something just didnt feel right call it my 'womans intuition" but, then I re-considered..so here goes please remember..its just my 02 cents ok..here goes, First of all, SHE dosent sound like a narc not by a long shot she sounds like a lady in a tight spot she sounds like someone that is tired of your control no, she dosent sound like a Narc but one of you does. I shall leave it at that...you can do the math secondly, 2 things do stand out in your post "she said she is going to make me suffer like I made her suffer" when I read that I thought that I had missed something in your post so I re-read it, twice.. ..you make no mention of how you "made her suffer"..of course you didnt dont you find that at in the least bit interesting? what happened? and why did you leave it out? you so conveniently dont go into that part perhaps you need to it will bring you to many answers to those questions you have However you do go on and on in depth about MONEY how much you gave following your check, knowing the manager...(wow that was LUCKY that you knew him) you also mention the word BARTER...geeze..you are so easy to read (its almost no fun) Sir, 9000 dollars is what my exDr Narc would spend on me in a weekend the first week I knew him he gave me a priceless barouque pearl rosary and that was one of counteless gifts over the 2 years he NEVER made mention of any of it..ever he even gave me the computer Im typing on now mine crashed one day it came special delivery the next morning he just sent it because he didnt want me to be without one even if it were for one day I never ever asked him for anything he was quite generous BUT he was still a NARC, text book he is the international sign for NARC if you look up Narc in the dictionary you will find his photo may I add you dont seem to have the slightest grasp on what a Narc is.. may I suggest...do your homework the second and more telling is your last sentance "you have to do it NATURALLY, not with money" how can YOU possibly not understand such a statement? HOW? think hard please, put your thinking cap on personally, I feel that you cant understand that statement for the same reason that you left out what you did to "make her suffer" since you asked for an opinion I'll share mine you sound a bit one dimensional unmistakably shallow and just obsessed with money ( really now, only 9 grand?) before you think I hate men I dont I adore them and work for and with primarily men I hire men that are genuises in thier field my best friend, of 20 years is a man and there is a man that is in my life that Im "considering" dating not because he is not fabulous he certianly is its because the wound that the Narc leaves is a gaping..one of a kind wound an unmistakable wound Im so sorry something just dosent add up here look deeper...(if you can) that would take a certian amount of courage though do you have such courage? no reply needed, id prefer you didnt ...just think about it think really hard be blessed K im sorry to say but you do sound like you are a bit shallow and that money runs you and you run others with it just my 02 cents I dont know what it is..I dont get a good vibe but maybe its just me be blessed K
Jul 4 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

girlsinger you really knocked the ball out the park on this one

You asked all the questions that came up for me but I didnt have time to articulate. I dont know if this person is a narc or in a relationship with a Narc. All I know is if it looks like control, stinks like control, its fucking control. I can almost imagine my Narc having written top guns post. talking about how much money he doled out (not)Having no clue to what I was going through and pretending to have no clue how he made me suffer. Lack of self examination is always a red alarm. My narc explained away molesting a six year old by saying "well i saw her at a wedding a few years ago and she was planning on getting married so whats the problem". I have no words.
Jul 3 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

Girlsinger

By the way I am not a doctor, and 9000 is alot to me ,when I have other responsibilities like putting my kids through college and paying child support, maybe something your doctor friend didnt have to do . Sorry for being so blunt but I guess we cant all be privileged to have a doctor in the house.
Jul 3 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

Suffer

Thanks for respondinding, Thats just it I have no idea what she is talking about when she said I made her suffer. The part about the manager of the bank I included that because after seven weeks of asking for her to return the money because the landlord would not accept it anyway, she told me since it was not made out to her and the landlord that she wouldnt return it. I gave her ample time to return it and then went to the manager. You seemed to have missed something on the return of the money I was going to use it to pay for her storage and a moving truck since that is way cheaper then me trying to pay her rent and my rent and my daughters rent who is in college. Plus when someone tells you they have been looking for a job you would think they they have to leave there house to at least drop off applications and not submit applications online in between going on dating sites and talking to strange men on the phone. She was pissed because the check was not made out to her ,only because she would have spent it when she knew already that her landlord specifically expressed to her that even if she came up with the 5000 in back rent that they didnt want her there,the 2000 I lent her was to try and show when I went with her to evicition court that she was attempting to try to catch up. By the way when I gave her the money at first she didnt even say thank you ,it wasnt until the next day that she did as if someone had to remind her to do that, I dont know about you but if someone just pulled my ass out of the fire I think the first words out of my mouth would have been Thanks. I will post my complete story and then you can make your judgement, everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that, I feel I just havent elabroated enough in this one post because it would be like writing a book. But I assure you she is one , I also have read 4 books on the subject and countless articles ,I am no doctor but any one who can half ass think does pick up these things after a while. Thank you for your response and I look forward to you reading the complete story and your opinion.
Jul 3 - 2PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

top gun

First, welcome to the path forward forum. IN reading your post it sounds like she may be borderline. There are a few possibilities; however, I cannot fully contribute without knowing more about your story. Newcomers generally convene in forums 1-3 and we start by sharing our stories. Please note however, that you are free to roam and contribute in both forums. Info on how and where to post is located in the "share your story" section at the top of the 1-3 forum. Please do not post in the share your story section...BUT in the general 1-3 forum section in the suggested format. Additionally, there is a way to post your story to your profile as well. If you need more clarification, feel free to pvt. message me. Hugs!
Jul 3 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes. That is typical female

Yes. That is typical female borderline behavior. Almost textbook.
Jul 3 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

Thank You

I will post my story where U stated but it is so long and drawn out ,it could actually be a book. LOL so I assume I will Have to do it in sections. Thank You Again.
Jul 3 - 2PM
Elena
Elena's picture

Manipulative People...

Manipulative people have a way of shifting blame, and they are really good about flipping things to where you are the bad guy. You may have meant well by lending her money, but I don't think it is healthy to get into the habit of lending money in personal relationships like that, especially on an on-going basis. I think lending money this way contributes to enabling someone in their lack of sense of responsibility and accountability. A worthwhile individual is someone who can stand on their own feet financially, and I understand bad things happen, such as a job loss, but it's our responsibility to figure things out, and if we receive some help - it should be limited/reasonable and temporary/for only a certain amount of time; lending thousands of dollars this way sounds out of line, and I can see how someone can take advantage of this. If she cannot keep a job, I see this as a huge red flag and reflection of the kind of person she is. I don't think it's your responsibility to be her financial source, and even provide for her wine and cigarrettes. Without knowing more details, she sounds like an irresponsible, and dysfunctional woman with addictions. My advise to anyone asking for my opinion is - run! Get out of that unhealthy relationship, and move on! In addition to taking advantage of you with your money, it sounds like she makes you feel bad for doing it on top of that. Good rule of thumb - keep money and dating relationships separate. If you want to help her, let her learn the hard way that she needs to keep a job and be financially responsible on her own. And by the way, someone who loves you will not tell you that they will make you suffer, that is not love.
Jul 3 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

Thank You

Thank you for your response ,I have so much to write and like I stated to michelle I can assume others do to so I guess I have to write it in sections. Again Thanks
Jul 3 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
sadlymistaken
sadlymistaken's picture

Welcome Topgun

I COMPLETELY agree with everything Elena said. I sent you a pm also. Best wishes.
Jul 3 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

PM

Dont mean to sound stupid ,but how do I see a PM on the site?
Jul 3 - 1PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

It sounds like your setting

It sounds like your setting yourself up as the knight who came charging in as a saviour. If u really wanted to help, I think you could have found another way. Are you insinuating shes a Narc because she couldn't get financially independant because as a mother she was dealing with her sons habit. I don't hear much love here?I do hear control though, financial control. I know what that feels like. Do you feel good? If you had made a decision based on the right motivations you would. Your bullshit that its an equal world for men and women career wise is not sitting well with me. You may be more qualified and better earning than she is. This doesnt put put you in a situation to understand her predicament. So what do you want?? Im sure theres a place where you could whine with other men about how youre supporting lazy ass women. THis is not that kind of site, Im feeling like you want pity and its setting off my Narc alarm. Go ask her how she feels about being evicted. 9,000 dollars doesnt seem like an enormous amount to me. I dont know how much you earn or how long youve been together. Those details may help someone to understand.
Jul 4 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Fooled no longer

Ding ding ding my alarms just gone off too!!
Jul 3 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
TopGun
TopGun's picture

not at all

I did not want to be any ones saviour, just that if I am going to help someone and I am in a committed exclusive relationship with them ,I think looking for a job to support yourself means more then just sitting on dating sites and talking to strange men all day. And then when I mention that getting a job means actually going to a place of employment and applying and that dating sites wont pay the bills ,I am told that I am insecure or jealous, It just strikes me as funny. I dont mind helping till someone gets on there feet since she was my gf but sleeping till 4pm ,doesnt show any intiative in my book , I dont think it has anything to do with insecurity but respect anyway. I dont know to many people who would take on the responsibility of other peoples bills ,while they wile away the hours doing what they want and then be told your insecure. There is so much to write to really explain all this and perhaps I didnt phrase things correctly but I never said I was a writer just looking for an explanation as to why someone would say you are trying to buy them when all you are doing is trying to help them. As far as you stating why didnt I ask how she feels about her eviction I didnt have to ,I was there helping her ,I went to eviction court with her and she pissed the landlords lawyer off and they took it to trial and told her she had to be out with in 30 days or when the sheriff got around to the actual eviction. I know she had really no where to go because she has really no friends since she usually pushes them away ,so I offered to help her pack ,and put her belongings in storage because it is cheaper then paying her rent ,my rent and my daughters rent who is in college and told her she could keep her money if she got a job in case she wanted to move out eventually and even had a room for her son. But I was told that she would be a prisioner if she came by my yhouse ,which to me is because she wont be able to run onto dating sites and talk to other men all day. Needless to say she is not at my house as we speak. I am no saviour but if my gf is down for the count I try to help but I wont do it being disrespected at the same time.