We've been lied to for so long... we become skeptical and need more facts to come to conclusions one way or another. At least I know it will take me a long time to be able trust anyone again (yes, especially men).
Welcome TopGun, and pls forgive the skepticism. You must probably understand why....???
gettinbetter use your own judgement, thats your free right. Do not try to influence others judgement, thats not your right.
Its quite possible this mans partner is a borderline. Why dont you PM him?
however he has set off quite a few alarms and I for one am not comfortable.
He been reading up, without posting his story. His explanation very strange.
BTW hes not the only male on this forum, if he wants to use that as a reason for our discomfit.
I for one smell a rat.
arent you influencing peoples judgement?I didnt say whether he was or wasnt a narc. I simply said people are jumping to conclusion with very little facts. Thats not an opinion its a fact. What do you really know of this man? He hasnt posted that much?
Sorry to me this a whole lynch mob mentality based on very little information and its almost a little disturbing.
He may very well be a Narc but the fact is if people are coming to that conclusion after a few posts thats a problem. Just dont respond to him. Its as simple as that
Yes it would be best to
post your
"tale" as you put it..whatever you feel is best for you
and if you would be so kind
it would make me more able to be here
and deal with my own healing
if you didnt post to me, personally anymore...
please dont
I do not feel uncomfortable with you
I dont like how I feel when I read your posts to me
and I have learned to listen and be very repsectful of that
I also have learned that I dont need to explain my self
Im uncomfortable
that is
explanation enough...
I do, however wish you all the very best
all deserve happieness and love there is
may you find it.
be blessed
K
Hi
I dont see it as being blunt
your saying your piece..bravo
no offense taken, I assure you
I am certian that 9,000 is alot
its all relative
the amount isnt really the issue
its the amount of importance you attach to it
its the fact that we are still even discussing
money
I just feel that you are evasive
to say that you dont know what you did to make her suffer
is curious
Oh
and by the way
I dont have a doctor in the house
and Im not privelidged...
whatever I have attained, or hope to attain
has come from many years
of back breaking hard work
physican heal thyself, are my words for Dr Narc
you cant heal what you dont identify.
be blessed
K
since you said the guy was a doctor, and by the way since you brought up computers,I also got her one the case wasn't brand new but every internal component was (A GIFT FROM OUR IT DEPT) , and got told look at that piece of shit (guess thats why they say dont judge a book by its cover), hows that for appreciation ,when the one she has was taken out of a dumpster. Money is not the issue with me ,appreciation and respect is, I have always stated to anyone I have been involved with that whatever I have ,I share ,I assume that's what a relationship is ,its the being taken advantage of I don't care for.As far as getting back to the suffering part I have no idea , but maybe this will shed some light on it ,I was told that even though she has no job that a real boyfriend would never have let it get this far(her eviction) well wtf does that mean that the 9000 was letting it get that far and then the person on top of it calls it chump change, excuse me but maybe that's when I told her to get fucked and get a job then , and was told I insulted her by telling her to get a job, explain that to me and make it sound like suffering because it makes no sense to me. I mean I would love to sit on my ass and look for the next chump on a dating site while she worked and see what her response would be. Sorry for getting a little annoyed but I feel for the women on here and joined only to try and show that it also happens to men. U will see as I post more and maybe explain a little better that I am correct in my assumption of her,I just don't want to take up the entire section with my tale since there are many on here already in pain ,but I will in the section where we can tell our story.
Hi there
you may feel differntly
but I persoanlly think that all you wrote in your post
says it all
its like recording in the studio
and so many times I say to the producer
"I would like to do it over"
they are often so kimd and say
"sure
so we do..
and every single time
the first "Take" is exactly spot on
no re-takes needed
yes, we could ALL write a book
but it is in the 'essence" that we find the answers
that is the most powerful
the details are just that...details
an opportuntity for you to vent..that is healing
I wont be reading
be blessed
K
well,
honestly
I was not going to reply to this post
something just didnt feel right
call it my 'womans intuition"
but, then I re-considered..so here goes
please remember..its just my 02 cents
ok..here goes,
First of all, SHE dosent sound like a narc
not by a long shot
she sounds like a lady in a tight spot
she sounds like someone that is tired of your control
no, she dosent sound like a Narc
but one of you does.
I shall leave it at that...you can do the math
secondly,
2 things do stand out in your post
"she said she is going to make me suffer like I made her suffer"
when I read that I thought that I had missed something
in your post
so I re-read it, twice..
..you make no mention of
how you "made her suffer"..of course you didnt
dont you find that at in the least bit interesting?
what happened?
and why did you leave it out?
you so conveniently dont go into that part
perhaps you need to
it will bring you to many answers to those questions you have
However
you do go on and on in depth about MONEY
how much you gave
following your check,
knowing the manager...(wow that was LUCKY that you knew him)
you also mention the word
BARTER...geeze..you are so easy to read
(its almost no fun)
Sir,
9000 dollars is what my exDr Narc would spend on me
in a weekend
the first week I knew him he gave me a priceless barouque pearl rosary
and that was one of counteless gifts over the 2 years
he NEVER made mention of any of it..ever
he even gave me the computer Im typing on now
mine crashed one day
it came special delivery the next morning
he just sent it because he didnt want me to be without one
even if it were for one day
I never ever asked him for anything
he was quite generous
BUT
he was still a NARC, text book
he is the international sign for NARC
if you look up Narc in the dictionary
you will find his photo
may I add
you dont seem to have the slightest grasp on what a Narc
is..
may I suggest...do your homework
the second
and more telling is your last sentance
"you have to do it NATURALLY, not with money"
how can YOU possibly not understand such a statement?
HOW?
think hard
please, put your thinking cap on
personally,
I feel that
you cant understand that statement
for the same reason
that you left out what you did to "make her suffer"
since you asked for an opinion
I'll share mine
you sound a bit one dimensional
unmistakably shallow
and just obsessed with money ( really now, only 9 grand?)
before you think I hate men
I dont
I adore them
and work for and with primarily men
I hire men that are genuises in thier field
my best friend, of 20 years is a man
and there is a man that is in my life
that Im "considering" dating
not because he is not fabulous
he certianly is
its because the wound that the Narc leaves
is a gaping..one of a kind wound
an unmistakable wound
Im so sorry
something just dosent add up here
look deeper...(if you can)
that would take a certian amount of courage though
do you have such courage?
no reply needed, id prefer you didnt
...just think about it
think really hard
be blessed
K
im sorry to say
but you do sound like you are a bit shallow
and that money runs you
and you run others with it
just my 02 cents
I dont know what it is..I dont get a good vibe
but maybe its just me
be blessed
K
girlsinger you really knocked the ball out the park on this one
You asked all the questions that came up for me but I didnt have time to articulate. I dont know if this person is a narc or in a relationship with a Narc.
All I know is if it looks like control, stinks like control, its fucking control.
I can almost imagine my Narc having written top guns post. talking about how much money he doled out (not)Having no clue to what I was going through and pretending to have no clue how he made me suffer.
Lack of self examination is always a red alarm.
My narc explained away molesting a six year old by saying "well i saw her at a wedding a few years ago and she was planning on getting married so whats the problem".
I have no words.
By the way I am not a doctor, and 9000 is alot to me ,when I have other responsibilities like putting my kids through college and paying child support, maybe something your doctor friend didnt have to do . Sorry for being so blunt but I guess we cant all be privileged to have a doctor in the house.
Thanks for respondinding,
Thats just it I have no idea what she is talking about when she said I made her suffer. The part about the manager of the bank I included that because after seven weeks of asking for her to return the money because the landlord would not accept it anyway, she told me since it was not made out to her and the landlord that she wouldnt return it. I gave her ample time to return it and then went to the manager. You seemed to have missed something on the return of the money I was going to use it to pay for her storage and a moving truck since that is way cheaper then me trying to pay her rent and my rent and my daughters rent who is in college. Plus when someone tells you they have been looking for a job you would think they they have to leave there house to at least drop off applications and not submit applications online in between going on dating sites and talking to strange men on the phone. She was pissed because the check was not made out to her ,only because she would have spent it when she knew already that her landlord specifically expressed to her that even if she came up with the 5000 in back rent that they didnt want her there,the 2000 I lent her was to try and show when I went with her to evicition court that she was attempting to try to catch up. By the way when I gave her the money at first she didnt even say thank you ,it wasnt until the next day that she did as if someone had to remind her to do that, I dont know about you but if someone just pulled my ass out of the fire I think the first words out of my mouth would have been Thanks.
I will post my complete story and then you can make your judgement, everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that, I feel I just havent elabroated enough in this one post because it would be like writing a book. But I assure you she is one , I also have read 4 books on the subject and countless articles ,I am no doctor but any one who can half ass think does pick up these things after a while.
Thank you for your response and I look forward to you reading the complete story and your opinion.
First, welcome to the path forward forum. IN reading your post it sounds like she may be borderline.
There are a few possibilities; however, I cannot fully contribute without knowing more about your story. Newcomers generally convene in forums 1-3 and we start by sharing our stories. Please note however, that you are free to roam and contribute in both forums. Info on how and where to post is located in the "share your story" section at the top of the 1-3 forum.
Please do not post in the share your story section...BUT in the general 1-3 forum section in the suggested format. Additionally, there is a way to post your story to your profile as well.
If you need more clarification, feel free to pvt. message me.
Hugs!
I will post my story where U stated but it is so long and drawn out ,it could actually be a book. LOL so I assume I will Have to do it in sections. Thank You Again.
Manipulative people have a way of shifting blame, and they are really good about flipping things to where you are the bad guy. You may have meant well by lending her money, but I don't think it is healthy to get into the habit of lending money in personal relationships like that, especially on an on-going basis. I think lending money this way contributes to enabling someone in their lack of sense of responsibility and accountability. A worthwhile individual is someone who can stand on their own feet financially, and I understand bad things happen, such as a job loss, but it's our responsibility to figure things out, and if we receive some help - it should be limited/reasonable and temporary/for only a certain amount of time; lending thousands of dollars this way sounds out of line, and I can see how someone can take advantage of this. If she cannot keep a job, I see this as a huge red flag and reflection of the kind of person she is. I don't think it's your responsibility to be her financial source, and even provide for her wine and cigarrettes. Without knowing more details, she sounds like an irresponsible, and dysfunctional woman with addictions. My advise to anyone asking for my opinion is - run! Get out of that unhealthy relationship, and move on! In addition to taking advantage of you with your money, it sounds like she makes you feel bad for doing it on top of that. Good rule of thumb - keep money and dating relationships separate. If you want to help her, let her learn the hard way that she needs to keep a job and be financially responsible on her own. And by the way, someone who loves you will not tell you that they will make you suffer, that is not love.
Thank you for your response ,I have so much to write and like I stated to michelle I can assume others do to so I guess I have to write it in sections. Again Thanks
It sounds like your setting yourself up as the knight who came charging in as a saviour. If u really wanted to help, I think you could have found another way. Are you insinuating shes a Narc because she couldn't get financially independant because as a mother she was dealing with her sons habit.
I don't hear much love here?I do hear control though, financial control. I know what that feels like.
Do you feel good? If you had made a decision based on the right motivations you would. Your bullshit that its an equal world for men and women career wise is not sitting well with me.
You may be more qualified and better earning than she is. This doesnt put put you in a situation to understand her predicament.
So what do you want?? Im sure theres a place where you could whine with other men about how youre supporting lazy ass women. THis is not that kind of site, Im feeling like you want pity and its setting off my Narc alarm.
Go ask her how she feels about being evicted.
9,000 dollars doesnt seem like an enormous amount to me. I dont know how much you earn or how long youve been together.
Those details may help someone to understand.
I did not want to be any ones saviour, just that if I am going to help someone and I am in a committed exclusive relationship with them ,I think looking for a job to support yourself means more then just sitting on dating sites and talking to strange men all day. And then when I mention that getting a job means actually going to a place of employment and applying and that dating sites wont pay the bills ,I am told that I am insecure or jealous, It just strikes me as funny. I dont mind helping till someone gets on there feet since she was my gf but sleeping till 4pm ,doesnt show any intiative in my book , I dont think it has anything to do with insecurity but respect anyway. I dont know to many people who would take on the responsibility of other peoples bills ,while they wile away the hours doing what they want and then be told your insecure. There is so much to write to really explain all this and perhaps I didnt phrase things correctly but I never said I was a writer just looking for an explanation as to why someone would say you are trying to buy them when all you are doing is trying to help them.
As far as you stating why didnt I ask how she feels about her eviction I didnt have to ,I was there helping her ,I went to eviction court with her and she pissed the landlords lawyer off and they took it to trial and told her she had to be out with in 30 days or when the sheriff got around to the actual eviction. I know she had really no where to go because she has really no friends since she usually pushes them away ,so I offered to help her pack ,and put her belongings in storage because it is cheaper then paying her rent ,my rent and my daughters rent who is in college and told her she could keep her money if she got a job in case she wanted to move out eventually and even had a room for her son. But I was told that she would be a prisioner if she came by my yhouse ,which to me is because she wont be able to run onto dating sites and talk to other men all day. Needless to say she is not at my house as we speak. I am no saviour but if my gf is down for the count I try to help but I wont do it being disrespected at the same time.
We've been lied to for so
gettinbetter use your own
arent you influencing peoples
Top gun
TG
Its a play on words
just a thought
Top Gun
girlsinger you really knocked the ball out the park on this one
Girlsinger
Suffer
top gun
Yes. That is typical female
Thank You
Manipulative People...
Thank You
Welcome Topgun
PM
It sounds like your setting
Fooled no longer
not at all