Can a Somatic Narcissist change?

is because he is a manipulator. Unless he stops enjoying the thrill of abusing women, he's stuck for life.

People usally dont change a whole lot. We all are pretty much who we are. Think of it like this...are you gonna go be a serial cheater because of the bad experience with a narc? Don't get me wrong, people can change things about themselves. It is when they have reach rock botton though. I reach rock bottom after exnarcs last D&D and I had to change myself some-like not rescueing people and letting them fulfil their own destiny. But, my core and who I am was never touched. His core is a cheater with no remorse.

Here is the thing..it is natural for us to want to compare (the Narc is ALWAYS comparing us)...but honestly, the Narc is after good supply and that is it. As Goldie and Hunter have tried to point out, the OW is inconsequential. Also, Somantics don't change...they just find ways to hide their affairs a bit better perhaps or they find someone who is willing to buy into their lies and turn the other check. Somatic Narcs are very entitled...Mr. N used to say that he was born in the wrong century. He should have been someone of power at a time when having several "OW" was tolerated. I feel for his neighbor..whether she knows it or not, she has set herself up for disappointment. What is convenient right now, will allow him to abuse her later on after he has disposed her (and Narcs dispose everyone..if not physically, then emotionally). The point here is, there isn't anything that she is getting that is different or better or more than you. This is very important to understand as it is a lie that we often feed to ourselves after the D&D. There isn't anything you could have done to influence the outcome because it was never really about you (just as it is not really about his neighbor or anyone else). Once you wrap your mind around the concept that he is only about himself at all times..you will see that being jealous of his new supply, old supply..whatever supply is a waste of time. If you were to have him back, you would only get the same as what you had (or worse) and wasn't that bad enough? The pictures on FB are your worst enemy so you need to stop peeking. He will always present a pretty story wrapped in a bow to his admirers. What goes on behind closed doors is what is left out. If you haven't already, please get a journal and write down everything..and I mean everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. You will need to refer back to it whenever you have moments when you think someone else is getting more than you got (and believe me, having all the lies on paper is eye opening). HUGS

I remember when I was the OW...he had recently left his ex wife and we started seeing each other. He had "traded" up - I was 10 years younger, educated, good pedigree, thinner, financially independent. It didn't matter, he started abusing me like he did to her, and he ended D&D me, after 3 years of suffering. By the time I left him, I couldn't recognize myself. Point is...he once looked ecstatic with me, but it didn't last very long. Give it a few months and she will be right where you are right now.

Nice friend.. What a way to make you feel better. Look, don't give this Assclown a second thought.. Get out the popcorn ..after the Holidays this Chick will be old supply.. And it's going to suck for her because she's going to have to see his sorry ass everyday.. Hunter

Is your friend an authority on NPD's? I didn't think so.........with that said, don't confide in any of them, only we who have been through this can even remotely understand. Take her advice off the table. It was cold and insensitive to begin with. Have you read about the OW? I think you need to readdress that topic before moving further into your journey. The OW is irrelevant to you healing AND irrelevant to him. She could be tall, thin, beautiful or short, fat, and homely, it does not matter and you can never compare yourself to her. She is no different than you, and she will be where you are one day soon as well. No, they do not change, so take that thought out of your pretty little head. As far as her living in his building, he doesn't care about that either. As a matter of fact, her geographical status is a bonus for him. When he is finished with her, he can continue to torture her relentlessly by parading women past her on a daily basis. You need to understand the NPD, he does not care. He didn't yesterday, he doesn't today, nor will he tomorrow. If he even remotely gives the sense to someone that he does care, he is lying. Period. Start over with your reading about the OW. It is very important for you to understand the irrelevance of her. She could have 2 heads and nine eyes for all he cares, it's supply. He became bored with you and moved it along. Never take that personal, it was nothing you did. You could have been the most accommodating girlfriend in the world and it would have not mattered. You need to know that. Nothing you did at all. Stay strong and re-read, you will get there!

Change him? Tell that to all the women with drug addicts, cheaters, liars, and manipulators. Many have tried and they are still the same. This notion that a good woman changes a man is in the movie's that is where this comes from. Someone may change external things about themselves and yet who they are remains the same. Ask the women on here who married these men just how much they "changed" after a good woman came along and "changed them" and married them. As for the woman in the building, they don't put that much thought into it. She was good supply and this is the beginning and end of it. She cannot see through him yet, so of course she is happy, once she can, she will either dump him or get unhappy very quickly. God bless, Goldie

Plus ppl who don't understand can set you back further with there unintentional yet misguided and ill informed remarks. Ask the questions here. Seriously has made an enormous difference to me xxx

It's him not you.... He will always be a player.... Beauty is about the soul not how outwardly attractive you are..everyone has a different idea of attractive anyways... Try not to torture yourself by finding out things about him....any contact or knowledge = pain.... I have read and read and since joining here I have improved day by day....only baby steps, but still improvement.... I sincerely hope ur ok and big hugs to you xx I just found an interesting read.....see if any of the info on there matches up for you. For me it is dejavu.... masksofsanity.blogspot.com

He is with his neighbour cos that is what is *SUITS HIM AT THE MOMENT*.... Nothing more nothing less....just very convient supply on tap, your friend was tactless and wrong.... HE WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR ANYONE, THIS IS WHAT HE IS AND WILL BE TILL THE DAY HE DIES.... WHY WOULD HE CHANGE? WHEN HE IS GETTING WHAT HE WANTS WITHOUT CHANGING?